I AM SPARTACUS

Damn! I watched Spartacus last night and as always, it was terrific. It’s probably the best sandal epic of all time. Stanley Kubrick did a marvelous job in directing this film. In fact it was so good it almost makes you forget the horror of “Eyes Wide Shut”. The man has a body of great work and his final effort is a piece of garbage. But, who ever said that life is fair and things wrap up into a nice package. Anyhow, I deleted the film from my computer right after watching it due to space concerns but today I wanted to put a clip of it in this post. I love the scene (if brings either tears to your eyes or a lump to your throat) when after the evil Laurence Olivier defeats the slave army, he offers all the slaves their lives in exchange for them pointing out to him which one is Spartacus. The marvelous Kirk Douglas rises to say that he is Spartacus but before he can, that great actor and master of the Roman accent, Tony Curtis (as the slave Antoninus) gets up and says, “I am Spartacus”. One after another the slaves rise, all saying “I am Spartacus”. They all gave up their lives (they were crucified) instead of ratting out their leader. All kidding aside, it makes you wonder what you would do in a similar situation. How often are one of us called upon to make a major sacrifice out of principal? Not often, I’m sure. And if we were, how would we respond? It’s frightening to think that we would fail at the task, but I’m sure most would.

So why did I watch Spartacus? One reason is I love the film. But the main reason is that it’s the first movie I can remember Elana crying at. When the kids were small I used to go to the library and borrow videos. This was back in Burlington and the library had a wonderful selection. The kids learned to love Hollywood musicals like “On the Town” and “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers”. I forget how old Elana was at the time but I was guess ten or so. When Spartacus was crucified she was crying her eyes out (not that the rest of us weren’t). But I can’t remember her crying at a movie before that. She was so touched by the story that it’s stayed with me all this time. I watched it just to feel closer to her in my mind. I cried because of the story, and because of time passing and knowing that everyone grows up, but still missing the youth of my children. I don’t know when I’ll ever totally accept it. I’m not sure I ever will, but I don’t think that’s a problem. I’m excited for them and their adventures ahead, but I can still miss the wonderful things that have happened before.

As might be evident from the opening paragraphs I’ve been sort of contemplative this weekend. I wonder what brings these episodes on. I can just be rolling along, business as usual, and then my mind is filled with the past and all that’s happened in my life, and uncertainty about the future. I don’t think it’s depression (at least I hope not) but in a way it feels similar to depression. Maybe I just don’t want to dwell on things. This all started Saturday afternoon in Suncheon while eating lunch alone at Pizza Hut. I wanted McDonalds but couldn’t find it, so it was Pizza Hut for me. But first I’ll get to that point in order from my previous post.

Friday was the long day at work. I’m standing at the corner waiting for the shuttle to pick me up. Usually I give up at 2:50 so I can get a taxi and get to school on time. I don’t do that anymore because I’m in no hurry to face the kindergarten kids. At 3PM my phone rings and it’s Kelly asking me where I am. I tell her I’m at the corner where I always am waiting for my ride. She says the driver was there and didn’t see me. I said I’m right here and now I’ll take a taxi to work. The driver was probably a minute early instead of very late (which is her usual way) and didn’t bother waiting 2 minutes for me.

I survived the kindergarten class by just ignoring them and letting them do whatever it is they do. I don’t care as long as they stay in the classroom. And, I feel like crap anyway with this flu/cold so the less I say, the better. At 4PM I had the class that pissed me off the previous Friday who I gave the silent treatment to, and for the 3rd time this week they were behaved. By Jove, I think my silent treatment must have worked. Who would have thunk it? Not me. I just gave them assignments from the work book because I didn’t want to talk. They do their writing in their book and they bring it up to me to check. I tell them that they’re doing well, even when they aren’t. I correct what’s wrong and try to explain what they did wrong, but let them know they’re doing well. Does it work? Beats me. But I won’t shoot a kid down for trying.

At 5 I was supposed to have the super-dumb kids but a bunch of kids were away on a school picnic. So Kelly didn’t teach her class, she threw Jason in with the super dummies, and told me to look after 2 classes. No problem. I brought out my trusty Bingo game and the kids enjoyed playing. I hate Bingo but if it keeps them interested and behaved, then it’s fine with me. It was so nice of me to buy the game with my own money. I’m not angry but I am disgusted that I pay for the extras (like games) that I may use in the classroom. I suppose if I mentioned being reimbursed every day I would eventually get my money, but it isn’t worth it. If the kids enjoy the games, I don’t begrudge them the money. Now Kelly and the school, that’s another story. The games and books come with me to my new school. I won’t be able to use most of them because they’re for younger kids, but she gets nothing for free from me.

If I survive from 3PM to 6PM on Friday, then I feel better. I still work until 10:20, but I have the older kids starting at 6PM so that works for me. I managed to get through the rest of the evening at school. One of my students in my 8:30PM class brought me in a gift. Their class (like all middle school 2nd year classes) went to Seoul for 3 days. She brought me back a pen from the National Museum of Korea. I was quite touched and surprised. I love this girl. She wants to learn English, she works hard, she always has good things to say, she’s not afraid to talk, and she’s funny. Why anyone would get me a gift, I have no idea. But it means a lot to me. Here is my gift:



So another week at school comes to an end. Who’s counting but for those who are, there are only 3 more complete weeks and a few days until I’m done with this school. It will definitely be bittersweet but I know I’m doing the right thing. It’s nice to be sure about something for a change.

I didn’t sleep my usual 12 hours on Friday night. I had 2 phone calls on Saturday morning, both of which woke me up. The first was do with the never-ending sale of the Tyler house and the second was a moronic call from Kelly. The kids I tutor on the weekend told me last week that they didn’t want class this week because they needed to study for exams. No problem. Kelly calls me and says, “are you teaching today”? I told her that I wasn’t as the kids wanted to study for exams. She says that she better call the parents right away and hangs up. I have no idea what she did, but I have no idea why she would have to call the parents. But I don’t try to understand the things that are beyond understanding.

After many weeks of saying “I’ll do this” and “I’ll do that” I finally did something on the weekend. I went to Suncheon which is the closest “big” city and about 40 minutes by bus. One of my high school students gave me the name of the biggest bookstore in the city so I thought I’d check it out. I would also get some crap food and visit the movie theatre and see if there was anything worth seeing. When I got off the bus in Suncheon I found a taxi and got in. I showed the driver a page in my notebook where I had someone write in Korean where I wanted to go. However, I had 2 pages of places and I think I showed him the wrong one. Besides the bookstore in Suncheon, I had the soccer stadium in Gwangyang written down, and I think I showed him the soccer stadium. Finally it dawned on me that the taxi was traveling too far, and was on the way back to Gwangyang. I quickly whip out my notebook and show him the bookstore page. He grunts something and turns around and takes me to the bookstore. That was a costly mistake. Instead of about a $4 cab ride, it was $25. Boy, was I dumb.

I go into this bookstore and if that’s the best that Suncheon has to offer, then I’m glad I’m getting out of here. I don’t expect a big English section, but I would have liked to have seen books other than “Harry Potter and the whatever”, “The DaVinci Code”, and “Tuesdays with Morrie”. I asked at the front desk if they had other English books but they didn’t understand what I was talking about. But as is typical in my experience with Koreans, they do their best to be helpful. They phoned someone and handed me the phone. There was an English speaking Korean on the other end and I told him what I wanted. He said I should come to his bookstore which was close. I told him that I had no idea where I was, so he should give me directions. He told me to stay put and he’d come over. Five minutes later a man shows up and explains to me that there isn’t much call for English books in Suncheon so there weren’t many books. I was quite disappointed but thanked him profusely for his kindness. He told me that helping me, “was my job”. Okay. He did a good job.

After the bookstore disappointment (I hope my Amazon books come this week), I took a cab to the movie theatre. I had no idea what movies to expect as it’s a real hit and miss here. But I was lucky here. I had a choice of two. One was “The Man Inside” with Denzel Washington and the other was “16 Blocks” with Bruce Willis. I bought an illegal copy of “The Man Inside” in Seoul (which I’m still waiting for Robert to send me) so I chose “16 Blocks”. (I may have bought that too, but I don’t remember). I bought my ticket and went out to quash my McDonalds craving. I hadn’t eaten much for 3 days. In fact I’d had 1 salad and 2 plates of spaghetti in the last three days. I was ready for the Big Mac Meal. (Ah, the life of the desperate). I was sure there was a McDonalds in the area, but I couldn’t find it. I did find the Dunkin Donuts where I picked up a 6-pack to bring home.


Mmmmmmmmmmmmmn, Donuts!

I gave up on finding the McDonalds as hunger was setting in and I was running out of time before the movie was to begin. And unlike America where they have from ten to twenty minutes of previews, here in Korea they have less than five minutes. I went into the Pizza Hut and ordered a pizza and some garlic bread as the carbohydrate special. And a Pepsi because they don’t have Diet Pepsi even though they advertise it. And then’s when my contemplative mood struck.

I started feeling lonely, but I can’t say exactly what I’m lonely for. I mean, there are people I miss and would love to see but I don’t think (and I might be wrong) that it would cure my lonely feeling. I know it’s around the 1 year anniversary of me officially “flipping out” which now has me here. (Not that being in Korea is a bad thing). Maybe knowing that it’s been a year is playing with my head. When I was talking to my mother on the phone this week she asked me when I was going to find what I wanted. How I wished I would have been able to answer that. As a parent I think I know that it pains her that I’m so unsettled. I think I would feel the same way if it were my kids.

To put it in a few words, I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what makes me happy. I know things that make me happy (like Elana and Leah), but that’s not my whole life. They have their own lives and aren’t dependent on me for survival anymore. I’ve never felt “at home” anywhere. It doesn’t matter where I move, be it Canada, the United States, Israel, or Korea, I’m just not at home. I’ve lived most of my life like I can pick up and go at a moment’s notice. Maybe it’s some ingrained Jewish thing. Being an atheist is tough when you’re so culturally Jewish.

I was hoping that coming here and being alone would help me get closer to the answer. I wasn’t expecting to be hit by a bolt of lightening and finally know the answer to my life, but a little direction would be nice. It’s still early. I’ll have been gone 3 months on May 5th (next Friday). I’ve gone through Gwangyang. Fortunately I don’t feel like I failed here but rather it just didn’t work out as well as I wanted. I chose this city for the right reasons. It was the size of city that I wanted and Kelly gave “good interview”. But the reality of living and working here is not what I imagined. I’m excited about teaching near Seoul for the things to do, and to be working with middle school kids. If I can’t succeed in enjoying myself there, then it’s time to move on. My attitude is right and I want it to work.

The future is frightening. I have no idea what I would do in North America. Nothing appeals to me work wise. Trying teaching is great because it’s new, and it’s an adventure and I get paid for it. There aren’t many jobs like that. But if it doesn’t work out, or the time comes when I know it’s time for me to go back to America, then what? I try to think about it, but I don’t have an answer. It’s funny, I’m not an idiot but I might as well be because sometimes I’m just no use to myself. If I’m such a smart guy, why can’t I figure this all out?

I loved “16 Blocks”. I think Bruce Willis can be quite good at times and the movie was fast paced and kept me quite absorbed. The audience was well behaved which was good considering that they could have talked and just been reading the subtitles. That’s the second movie I’ve seen in Korea and I’d forgotten how much I enjoy seeing a good movie in a quiet cinema. And unlike “Firewall” (the other movie I saw), I think I would have enjoyed seeing this movie in America too.

After the film I headed back to Gwangyang where I watched Spartacus. (I think this is where everyone walked into this dialogue). Today I did my grocery shopping and I won’t miss shopping in Gwangyang. The supermarkets have to be better where I’m going and there is always Costco for me to visit. (Yes, there is a Costco in Seoul).

I’ve done pretty much nothing today. I did some of my computer job and a bunch of time looking at old pictures I found on the internet. I found this picture of my lovely daughters which I know they’ll want me to share with everyone.


(I hope they’re still talking to me).

Leah gets married in less than seven weeks. Is she ready? Is she mature enough? Is she old enough? I’m only her father.
You be the judge.

If you want to understand how some English speakers feel about the Korean experience, I came across this site which expresses it well in humor. I look forward to be a regular reader. It’s really quite funny. If you go back to the 2nd page you can find this story, “Expatriates Report That Living in Korea Can Cause English Skills Getting Such a Bad” which I think explains my speaking skills these days.

Sometimes you find things and it’s like stepping into a time machine. Click the link and go back.

(You should let it run through once so it's in memory, then on the 2nd time it will play at normal speed).