WHAT AM I DOING HERE?

Okay, I’ve been asked the question, “what you doing there?” It’s a reasonable question and one that I consider from time to time. I wish I had a snappy rejoinder to the question, but I don’t. Why am I here? I don’t know.

It’s very strange but for someone unknown reason I just feel like I need to be here. Do I believe in fate? Not really. If there is “fate”, then I go with the group that says we make our own fate.

Is there some mystical reason that will eventually be revealed to me, or I’ll see it clearly so that I know? I don’t know. It would be cool if I’m here for a reason but I suppose that would just be another trip to Fantasy Island for me.

Maybe I just don’t know what I’d do in North America, so this is easiest for me. I have a job I can sort of do. I do derive some pleasure from it. I have no personal responsibilities. I can hide out from the troubles of the world. I don’t have to think about the future. It might be these things.

Maybe I just want something exciting to happen to me and I feel I have to be thousands of miles away for that to happen. Beats me.

There’s no easy answer to the question. It might be a combination of everything above. Usually I feel it’s a “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” situation. There must be a reason I’m here and even if I don’t know it yet, I’ll find it. Intellectually I know that this probably isn’t true, but emotionally I want it to be true.

I guess I’m here until I feel it’s futile and I’m not getting too much out of it. I don’t think that South Korea will be my final resting place. It can be fun to be in a place where understanding the people is a puzzle, but I’m sure a lifetime of that would make me more nuts than usual.

If I were to sit down and make a ledger with one side giving the reasons to return to North America, and the other side having the reasons to stay in Korea, the return side would win easily. But this isn’t an exercise in logic. It’s an emotional thing so the emotional side wins regardless of how foolhardy it might be.

And just maybe, some bolt of lightening will strike me from the sky and all will be revealed. This won’t be the first time I’ve been on a fool’s errand, and going by my track record, it’s probably not the last time. It can be frustrating, it can be depressing, it can be enjoyable, but it’s definitely not the normal life. I do derive pleasure from knowing I can do these things, regardless of logic, knowing that not many people would ever do something so radically different.

When I was doing community theatre in Tyler, I asked one of the actors I was in a play with why he did this. His answer was he liked to be on stage because he knew that it was something that most people couldn’t do. I think my life is some version of that. I do things because I know others can’t so it makes me feel different. Not better than others, just different.

We finished the shooting of the movie yesterday. Now I have to edit it and put it together. It was a fun exercise that I think the kids enjoyed. I know I did. I’ll post the finished product when it’s finished. It should only be a couple of minutes. Here is a picture of all the kids involved, except for one. She is the best student I have, but came to camp at 8:30 yesterday morning to tell me that she was sorry but she had to go to a different camp and wouldn’t be there. That’s pretty classy to come in for just that reason. I don’t know if it was her idea, or her parent’s idea. We ordinarily think with a 14 or 15 year old, it’s something the parents made them do, but with this girl I wouldn’t be surprised if it was her idea. As much as you can love a student, I love her. She’s polite, she’s thoughtful, she’s intelligent, she’s friendly, she has a desire to learn, and I just love her company because she puts a smile on my face.


Here is a picture of the girl who I would call the director, who impressed me so much. As far as surprises go, getting to know her better was one of the highlights of the week. She is now another one I’ve fallen in love with. She looks like she’s all business here.


After that it was time for my cooking class. Half way through the class I decided that I don’t want to be the English teacher anymore. I want to be the cooking teacher. It was so much fun. The kids were so enthusiastic. They were rushing through the recipe and I was holding them back so we would do everything properly at the same time. I split the class into 3 groups of 4 which was a good size. I was sure that the finished product would be a disaster. I don’t know what I’m doing. I have no idea if the ingredients here will work. Here are the 3 groups of kids.




When they were mixing the ingredients and at one point it looked like this, I thought we were done for.


Here’s a picture of them putting in the ingredients.


Here they are doling out the dough onto the baking sheet.


Here they are keeping an eye on how they’re doing.


And, voila, the finished product.


Here is a brief video of the kids at work and me trying to get them to send greetings overseas. Notice the blank looks in their eyes the first time I ask and how I repeat several times in slightly different ways to try and make myself understood. Eventually it works.


And finally, one group while waiting for the cookies to finish, played some sort of game I have no idea about anything about it. It was just fascinating for me to watch.


And, surprise of surprises, the cookies were edible. They weren’t great. They sort of tasted like oatmeal but I think the kids skimped on the amount they put in. The kids thought they were good and ate them. The boys ate all of theirs in the class and the girls ate most and divided up the rest to take home. One group made me a special cookie. It was covered in raisins. I think they knew I liked raisins because I kept stealing bunches from the raisin package.

It was definitely a worthwhile project. Did it have anything to do with English? Not really except for me pointing out what to do in English. I hope they’re a little bit more comfortable with listening to English and speaking it. What I provide is just using English in everyday life situations. Making a movie or cooking are not English activities. I don’t plan the class around learning certain vocabulary and memorization of words. I just treat it as a regular activity, and like I said previously, they have to talk to me in English to get in done. I think it’s much better when they try to listen and speak out of necessity to get a job done, rather than to try and memorize things.

I don’t think I’ll enjoy it as much next week, but I hope I’m wrong. It’s a new bunch of kids so there will be new group dynamics. I hope that I have a majority of students who are interested in being there. I wish I really knew if they had mostly fun this past week. If I ask, they say “yes”, but that might just be the reflex, expected answer. I feel they enjoyed themselves. They seemed to, and they never really looked bored. If I provided a good time for them, and made just a small advance in their comfort level with the language, then I feel I did a good job.