MAYBE IT’S ME THAT CAN’T GET ALONG

Who knows? I can’t remember feeling this uptight when I working at HellHole Enterprises back in Toronto. I never talked about work. I left work at work regardless of how stupid and aggravating the day was. Now I wish I had someone to talk to about work because it annoys me. Of course, maybe if I was living with someone I wouldn’t feel the need to talk about it. I really don’t like to bitch about things on the phone, I’d rather bitch in person. I could probably talk to Saeyoon about it, but we communicate much better in person. Sometimes it’s difficult on the phone to understand me when I get wound up.

The school owes me about $900 for a security deposit they took on the apartment and they have no trouble giving it back to me. However, they want the flight money that they gave me to go to Hong Kong to get my visa. They said it’s in the contract if I don’t stay I have to return it. I argued and said it isn’t. Guess what folks? According to Min Kyung (and I’ll have to confirm this) it says it in Korean. The English translation isn’t accurate and doesn’t say that. And, the contract says only the Korean counts and the English is there as a courtesy. I was quite angry. You trust people that give you a contract that it’s translated properly and it isn’t. It’s just another example of how the inferior foreigner gets treated here sometimes.

The administrator, Min Kyung, and I had a meeting about this and I said if they take that money I will take them to the labor board (as it says in the contract) and I’m leaving the school right now. They said if I leave the school today then I have to leave the apartment today. I said, “no”. “What are you going to do? Call the Police?” They told me that Mr. Kim (administrator) would call the police tomorrow and I said go ahead. Min Kyung is saying that I told the school I’d be there until the 3rd so it wouldn’t be honorable of me to leave now. No one has any honor. The school doesn’t. I don’t. She’s an annoying idiot.

I made a proposal to split the plane fare (as I think the Korean language in the contract probably says what Min Kyung says it says) and they turned it down. The administrator said he would make one proposal and that was that I stay until Friday and I can keep the apartment until Sunday (which is what I was going to do). I told them no, I was leaving right now. I told them to call the police and I would be at the school letting everyone know what they did. I have a big mouth. I then went back upstairs to put away my computer, get my bag and leave.

I go up to my room and there is a class in it. I had no class at this time so I was surprised. I think it was a make up for a class missed last week. It was a 3rd year class. I start to put my computer away and the kids ask me where I was. I said I was in a meeting and I was now leaving the school. They were quite surprised. I told them that I had quit and I was going to leave on Friday but I was leaving now. Some didn’t believe me and others professed that they loved me and that I shouldn’t leave. I was very touched because these kids like me. They’re telling me I’m a good teacher and I shouldn’t leave. I tell them I’m a lousy teacher but a nice person. They tell me I’m very kind.

They asked why I was quitting and I said that it was due to differences between the “bosses” and me. Several of the kids say that they hate this school. I asked them should I leave now, or wait until Friday. I hadn’t really told any students I was leaving and I didn’t know if I was going to say anything. Part of the reason is that it’s very emotional for me because of how much I like them (outside the classroom). I don’t want to be bawling during goodbyes.

The students say I should stay until Friday and I say okay. Min Kyung comes into the classroom and looks very surprised to see me there. I tell her I’m staying because the kids asked me to. She then says I shouldn’t be telling them why I quit and I tell her I’m not giving out details. She’s angry with me because she thinks I’m spilling the beans, which I am. She then leaves and I make a face indicating my total lack of respect for her for everyone to see. (No one can say I’m mature).

I try and explain to the students that because I’m a foreigner certain people treat me like the dirt beneath their shoes. I try and tell them that it is so important to respect each other regardless of culture. I tell them it’s important that the teacher’s respect the students (the students don’t feel respected) and the students respect the teachers. Do I have an effect? Who knows?

They ask me if they can have a party for me on Friday. Boy, was I surprised. I told them I didn’t want them to get in any trouble for doing that and they told me to not worry about it. So supposedly they’re having a party for me on Friday. The bell goes and the kids say goodbye to me. Some of them say they will never forget me and I tell them that in a few weeks they’ll forget me. But I know when they say these things they mean them at the moment, and it’s quite unusual to have someone tell you that. I didn’t cry but I wanted to.

Some of the boys shook my hand and one girl looks at me and tells me she’ll miss me. After considering the implications of my next move and whether or not it’s appropriate I open my arms and she comes to me and we hug. There is nothing wrong with doing that but coming from North America and the horrible stories about teacher’s abusing kids I wonder about what I’m doing. But it’s the right thing. What’s wrong with hugging someone you like? I hug some of the boys too. I never liked being touched by people but I do have this need to have a physical connection with some of these kids I’ve taken to.

One of the boys comes back in the class after 2 minutes (the boy who lived in Australia) and says that Min Kyung wanted to talk to him and asked me if I knew what she wanted. I guessed that she wanted to pump him for information about what I said. He asked me what he should say so I gave him some safe answers. He comes back five minutes later and says she asked all the questions I said she would ask. He said he gave her the answers I told him to. He then wanted details of why I was quitting. I told him about being given a warning about going to my father’s funeral and my daughter’s wedding. He is quite appalled by what I tell him and I ask him not to repeat it to anyone except his parents. He wanted to take notes. Do I care if the kids know? Not really. If the principal did no wrong, then he shouldn’t care who knows.

I did tell one other student earlier in the day that I was leaving. He’s the boy who went to school in Toronto last year. He was quite shocked by my news and saddened by it. He tells me that all the kids love me. He says the girls are always saying how cute I am. I tell him I’m old enough to be their grandfather (so I exaggerate a little) but it’s a very flattering thing to hear.

I left the school at 3:30 today. As I’m getting in my car I see Min Kyung and the administrator coming to my car. I get out of my car to see what they want. Min Kyung says I didn’t put my computer away. I told her I had put it away a couple of hours ago. They do like to watch every little thing. She then tells me that they need it to make it Korean and give it to a Korean teacher so I’ll be computerless at school for the next 2 days. She then tells me it’s not 4:00 yet. I just say I’m not sitting there anymore doing nothing. And I leave.

Maybe it’s me who has the problem with getting along. I don’t know anymore. I seem reasonable but I get annoyed much too easily. It doesn’t take much to set me off. This is not a good thing.

Yoon-Soo is not helping me on Sunday. He called me today to tell me his mother is in the hospital so he has to go out of town this weekend to see her. I tell him that it’s no problem of course. He says he can come Sunday afternoon to help but I tell him to not worry about me. He’s very nice to me but helping me move and seeing his mother in the hospital is no contest.

I called Kyle (new boss) and asked him if he would drive to my place on Sunday and help me and he said it wouldn’t be a problem. That was very kind of him so I have no worries there.

I’m supposed to have dinner with Min Kyung and Mankee tomorrow but who knows. Min Kyung and I can barely stand the sight of each other at this moment so if it’s cancelled I won’t mind. I’d like to see Mankee but the less I see of Min Kyung the better it is for me.

I think in some ways I’ve become less tolerant in some ways over the last 9 months. Maybe it’s that I don’t like feeling like “the foreigner” so I’m overly sensitive. I’m feeling a little coldness towards people if they don’t live up to my expectations. I know that’s a terrible thing to say, and I’m not sure I mean exactly that, but it’s as close as I can come to explaining it. It might be that I always have to bend (or at least try) to Korean ways I’d like for others to be reasonable and bend for me. All I know is that things are going to get much better for me in the next month or so, or I’ll probably be throwing in the towel. I might be wrong and I may not be compromising enough, but if I feel I am then I am.

I don’t know when my Internet will be connected at the new place. I’m hoping on Monday but if not it will be a few days before posting next week. I thought I’d mention that now in case I didn’t remember. I hate being without Internet. It’s like not having a roof over your head.