EVEN AFTER I MAKE UP MY MIND, I CAN’T MAKE UP MY MIND

After waffling last night on my decision, Saeyoon and I talked this morning. She actually said, and I was shocked, that taking the Ilsan (city) job would let us be closer. Her father came over and he said I should take the Ilsan job. So I decided to take the Ilsan job and went to work today.

I HATED it. My first class was adults and I enjoyed that, but then I had 3 90 minute elementary kids’ classes. The kids are nice, well-mannered and I can’t complain about them. I can only complain about the utter boredom and lack of mental stimulation in “teaching” them.

I was checking the time about every 5 minutes and the it just dragged and dragged. I told the person who is in charge of the school that I didn’t think I could do this. We talked and he took me to dinner at Outback (very nice of him) and I really wish I didn’t hate it so much. I really think I won’t be happy teaching elementary kids. Ideally I should teach adults, but I don’t want to work evenings.

I called about the country job and told them I would take it. Maybe I’ll change my mind in the morning but I’m supposed to go to the agency in the morning and give them my papers and sign the contract. I think one of the things that might make me want this is the feeling that I need to get away. After more than a month of living with others, I just want some alone time.

I told the Ilsan job that I would work through next week as they are in a bind and need to find a teacher. The country job doesn’t start until June 1st and I could use the money so it works out for both of us. I’m sure (maybe sure) they can find a teacher next week.

I’m exhausted from going around and around on this. Once more I’m sick of myself. I do know if I can stick it out in the country it allows me the best chance to save money. It gives me the best chance of being able to stay away from Saeyoon. And my breathing hasn’t been “normal” in weeks and weeks. I think the clean air will make me feel a little better.

I was just about to write some more complaints about Saeyoon, but I’ll skip it. This past month has upset my life quite a bit. I’ve learned things about her that I didn’t want to learn. Okay, no more complaining.

So in the morning I will make another “final” decision. I wonder if when I read this blog in the future, I’ll wonder what I was thinking. I think so.