IS LIFE NORMAL?

I obviously post less than I used to. Is this because my life has settled down into some kind of normalcy? I find that hard to believe. How can this be normal? What is normal?

I work (sort of), I buy groceries, I sleep, I play on the computer, I read, I watch DVD’s, I eat, I have a girlfriend, I drink coffee, I drive a car, and a bunch of other things. Does it matter if it’s in Korea or North America? Am I no longer having an adventure but have settled into some sort of routine existence?

Now I know it doesn’t feel 100% normal. I’m aware of the fact that I’m a foreigner here. I don’t look like other people and I don’t speak the language. It’s amazing how well you can get along without speaking the language. But how much different would it be if I lived in Boise, Idaho? I bet those people in Idaho are weird.

I am venting a lot less. Is this because I’ve adjusted and accepted, or I’m just tired of venting? I have a lot of questions. I’m not complaining but if my life has settled down then it should allow me to examine it more rationally than before. Let’s face it, I haven’t always done the most rational things.

It’s really weird to be living here in Korea and thinking that it’s a “normal” life at times. I have the never-ending cold/bronchitis which is no fun. I don’t really care for my job which is normal, but much better than hating my job. I suppose the biggest not normal thing is not having any family within a decent distance.

Am I lonely? Yes. Is it an unbearable loneliness? No. Do I enjoy parts of my life? Yes. Do I take pleasure in some of the things I do? Yes. Am I unhappy about some parts of my life? Yes. This all sounds pretty regular to me.

I get the feeling that something is happening that I can’t explain. I’ve had these feelings before and been wrong but sometimes I feel like I’m on the cusp of something and some revelation or acceptance will come to me. Perhaps I’ll have an epiphany. I’ve only had one of those before and that was when I realized that I didn’t know anything. It’s a hell of an epiphany to have.

Sometimes I feel like Tony in “West Side Story”. Something’s coming. Maybe I’m just imagining it.

Sometimes it’s frightening. Is this it? Is this all there is? What’s it all about, Alfie? When I ask people back in North America what’s doing, it’s usually nothing much. Just life as usual. I guess I have life as usual.

I guess that’s why I don’t post as much. Or maybe it’s because of this damn illness which I fight every day.

I’m off to teach kindergarten shortly. I like that. The kids give me an energy boost. I did the Chanukah class at Robert’s school and it was great. He has 6 year olds and this is their 3rd year of English immersion. They were terrific. Almost bilingual. I was so impressed. I now understand why he stays when other things at the school bother him. Those kids are worth it.

Still kicking. Still trying to work it out. I don’t have the answers yet but it’s only been 50+ years. Just give me a little time.