FIGHTS

This is my take on fights between husband and wife, or boyfriend or girlfriend. This is based on a good many years of experience. I used to consider myself a good fighter. I could listen to the other person carefully and pick out the inconsistencies in their stories. And then of course I could point them out, clever lad that I am.

When I was younger there was a certain satisfaction in “winning” a fight. It didn’t matter who started it, or what it was about, winning was everything. However, as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned a few more things.

Most fights are stupid. They are based on trivial things such as a misunderstanding or taking offence where none is intended. Sometimes they come from one side not having enough information and therefore reading the wrong thing into what the other person does. I really don’t think there are many fights based on serious issues.

It’s natural to have fights. We can’t ignore them. But what we can do is attempt to resolve them as quickly as possible. If the anger goes on, it just festers and gets worse. As for myself, a fight that isn’t resolved inside an hour makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t care if it’s my fault or the other person’s fault. That doesn’t matter because the fight was surely about something unimportant.

You have to communicate with each other. If you stay angry and refuse to communicate, the situation just gets worse. Most fights aren’t just one person’s fault. It’s usually both people contributing to the conflict.

There are no winners and losers in these fights. Either both people win by resolving it, or both people lose by not resolving it. If one person comes at you with an olive branch, you should reach out and take it. Nothing is to be gained by insisting the other person grovel for forgiveness.

If you’re wrong, there is nothing wrong with apologizing. It’s not a sign of weakness to apologize, but rather a sign of strength. You can recognize you did something wrong and attempt to fix it.

There is a problem when the other person won’t listen and chooses to stay angry. I don’t know what you do in that case. When you’re angry you do stupid things and say stupid things. You’re out to hurt the other person, but all you’re hurting is the relationship. You must communicate. Without communication, the relationship has nothing. And that’s communicating during the good times, and communicating during the difficult times.

I really don’t know why people fight. Maybe it’s a test to see how we overcome them. It’s one of the most important tests a relationship has. How you do on the test indicates whether you can have a successful relationship.