COULD I BE RUNNING OUT OF THINGS TO WRITE?

I really don’t feel like writing. I feel like I have nothing new to add. I can complain about loneliness but that’s getting old. What is of interest to me is that as the colder weather comes, I get lonelier. Is there a relationship between the two?

Work is work. It’s a job. I think I prefer a class to tutoring but there are no daytime only classes to teach with 20 kids or less. Only a week on the new job and it’s just a job. How depressing.

Is there such a thing as “oneness”? Can you really be a single entity with another person? I don’t mean all the time. You should be able to be your own person at times and part of this “oneness” at other times. Is this possible? Please let me know.

Tonight I ran into someone I know at the supermarket. How weird. She’s the lady who runs the academy and I teach English to on Mondays and Thursdays. She was quite surprised to see me. She asked what I was doing there. It’s a supermarket, doh! She’s nice and she’s cute but sometimes the questions I’m asked can drive me batty.

I went out for coffee with Saeyoon last night. There’s nothing special in that except it was a nice change to have a short trip to do that. The actual time in a moving vehicle was very short and the total door to door time was about 45 minutes. It takes less than 5 minutes to drive to the subway station but at night it’s a 20 minute drive. Traffic, traffic, traffic. I must be nuts to want to live here.

I tutored 2 kids from 5:15 to 6:15. After that I was supposed to tutor the older sister and her friend. They were 30 minutes late so I had to kill time. A little girl of about 2 was throwing pencils at me. Boy, did that thrill me. I’m sitting in this room feeling miserable, lonely, sorry for myself, and wondering WTF I’m doing. The mother had some nice tangerines out to eat so it wasn’t all bad.

The two kids I tutored at 1:30 are 8 and pretty good at English. Nice kids too. The mother cut up pineapple and served it. The girl goes to take some and I told her to wait until she was finished reading her passage out loud. And her mother told her that. So she cried and continued reading thru the tears.

I lost the docking station/charger for my digital video/still camera. I don’t know what became of it but I still have the camera. However, without the docking station I can’t take pictures off the camera and I can’t charge the camera. What a bozo! I called California this morning and they’re doing “research” to see if I can get the parts.

I’m reading my first Stephen King novel in years. I used to really like to read him and then he got old. I’m reading “Cell” about how everyone on a cell phone at a particular time turns into a zombie of some kind. It’s not too bad. I like end of the world stories. Obviously Mr. King isn’t too fond of cell phones. They can be a disease. They are here. Having coffee last night the cell phone of a man at the next table rang. It was incredibly loud. Saeyoon tells me that she is embarrassed about Koreans who let their phones ring too loud. I replied that people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. I had to explain the meaning (not easy). The reason I told her that is that she will answer text messages and sometimes talk on the phone when we’re out together. I think if you separated a Korean and their cell phone, they’d implode.

It looks like I’m going to Taipei this weekend. I have to leave the country for visa reasons and Kyle will only pay the lowest airfare. I can contribute if I want to go somewhere nicer but to pay big bucks for a weekend alone isn’t really what I want to do. So I had a choice of Fukuoka (Japan) and Taipei, Taiwan. I’ve been to Fukuoka so it’s Taipei for me. I have no idea what there is to do there but I suppose I should find out. I don’t even feel like going away. Lethargy is a sign of depression.

I’m thinking I have to get my act together. Part of me wants to tell Kyle to forget it, I’m not cut out for this. I have no idea about a future together for Saeyoon and I. I’m floating a bit now. The adventure is dying and I’m just living a somewhat boring and pointless life. I could do that anywhere. However, knowing you need to get your act together, and actually getting it together are two different things.

My mind is busy working overtime. I wish it would go on strike.