OF ELEVATORS, PARKING GARAGES, AND LONELINESS

What do these 3 things have in common? Nothing, but I wanted to write about them anyhow. Where do all the stupid elevators go? Korea. They keep the smart elevators in North America but those that fail the test go to Korea.

Here’s the problem. In my new building there are 4 elevators. (Everything I write here is basically the same in every building). Two of the elevators go underground to the parking garage as well as all the floors. The other two just go to the first floor. Why don’t they all hit all the floors? Beats me.

In North America when you want an elevator you push the up or down button on the wall and the system figures which elevator to send to you. You just press the one button even if there are 10 elevators. You don’t have to go and push the button beside each elevator. However, in Korea you push the button for only the elevator you want. The others don’t move. If you want to see which of the four elevators get to you first in my building, then you press the button beside each of the four elevators. This is dumb. Therefore the elevators are dumb.

These are real elevators made by companies like Otis. I don’t understand why they work like this. Perhaps it’s part of the continuing Korean plot to destroy my mind. Well, I’ve got news for you, it’s working.

I park underground now. Each floor has about 12 to 15 parking spots and if you don’t find one, you go down another level. Now just because there are 12 to 15 parking spots that means there will be 2 or 3 more cars parked where they shouldn’t be parked because these people are too damn lazy to go down another floor. They park against the wall making it very difficult for you to get out of your spot. Or they park on the ramp cutting off part of it. It’s just so rude. But that’s Korea.

My other problem is I seem to forget what floor I park on. Yesterday I was sure I had left my car on floor B2. I took the elevator to B2 but I didn’t see my car. Okay, no problem, it’s on B1. Nope. It’s not there either. So it must be B4 because I’ve never parked on B3. But it’s not on B4. WTF! So I go back to the original B2 and look more closely. Guess what? It was there. Assigned parking spots would be nice for the more forgetful among us. They probably had assigned parking spots but did away with them when I moved in. Am I paranoid? The sounds coming through the wall insist I’m not.

Teaching cute little kids is nice in the way that they’re cute. But it’s not stimulating. I try and have some fun with the kids but an intelligent conversation would be nice. Kyle is still driving me and I’m not looking forward to driving myself. Taking this job was a big gamble in that I’ll be doing major driving. I think if I taught a subject other than English as a second language to only students who were motivated that I’d be a good teacher.

Sometimes the loneliness is almost overwhelming. I come to my apartment and it’s not my home. It’s where I hang out but it has no relation to a home. I can be stopped dead in my tracks at any time during the day and just be so totally aware of being alone. I know I mention this a lot, but the fact is that it’s on my mind a lot. I would say it’s unbearable but of course it isn’t, because I’m baring it.

I broke up with Saeyoon on Saturday afternoon. This time it lasted about 45 minutes. We used to joke at home the time that Elana broke up by email with a boy she went out with a few times. We thought it was cowardice and funny. I broke up by SMS (text message on the phone). This just proves I can be as childish as anyone. Part of the problem is that I can’t handle my frustration about some things so I say and do stupid things. Some people handle adversity better than others, and some people handle certain kinds of adversity better than other kinds. The loneliness makes me so touchy. I’m overly sensitive. Sometimes it’s a good thing because it’s nice to feel things and can help you relate better to others. Of course, at times I’m an insensitive S.O.B. But the downside of being sensitive is that my feelings are easily hurt.

I apologized and un-broke up. Saeyoon thinks I’d forget her a lot quicker than she’d forget me. I don’t know if that’s true but it really doesn’t matter. It’s not a contest. When there is a break up then both parties lose something. It might be different things they lose, but they both lose.

We spent most of the day together yesterday and it was quite nice. I explained a couple of things to her about me and how I am. We both agree that we need to try a little harder to understand the other person. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s really incredible how far both of us have moved in the direction of the other person. There is definitely something about her that touches something deep inside of me. I can’t define the feeling I get but sometimes it’s quite overpowering. It’s a nice thing but the downside of it is that it makes me lonelier to be in the apartment by myself. I’m not saying that I’m ready to marry her because I’m not. She doesn’t know whether she ever wants to get married but I think that’s just fear of the unknown and 37 years of living with her mother. The only thing I know is that we care for each other, see good in each other, and are aware of the potential for a future. I think that being aware of being close to someone and then only seeing them part time (it is only dating) just makes the time alone much harder.

So life goes on. I’m not really working full time yet as the schedule is still being developed. Things should be more settled within 2 weeks. This morning I had my breakfast at Dunkin Donuts. I needed a break from the previous 3 mornings when I had breakfast at Starbucks. You can buy lousy bagels at bakeries but I wonder how a real Jewish bagel place would do here. Perhaps I should open a bagel place. It could be an English Academy/Bagel Bakery. I could get the students to make the bagels but they could only speak English while making bagels. So I get paid for the English lessons, I get paid for the bagels, and the labor is free. This is something worth giving some serious thought to. It’s all right ma, I’m only bleeding.