DON’T YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS?

“Don’t you have any friends”? – What was said to me as I asked for a table for 1 at a café in Taipei, Taiwan. It was meant as “isn’t there anyone with you” but I love the line. I answered “no”, of course.

I awoke early Saturday morning and drove to the airport without incident. It was just easier for me to go to the airport and park than to worry about a taxi and a bus. The flight to Taipei is 2 ½ hours and it went by quickly. I think I slept most of the way. I know I was asleep before the plane got in the air. Taxing puts me to sleep when the plane takes off.

I arrived at Taipei and went to the area where you can get a hotel in the airport. They asked me if I wanted a 5-star or a 3-star. I laughed and said 3-star. They show me a book with the pictures of the hotel (which once again proves that pictures lie) and they told me it was in the city center. Maybe it was in the center, but it wasn’t a 3-star. However, it was clean. And it cost $75 a night but I wasn’t in a shopping mood. The airport is 40 minutes away by car from the city center so I took a cab ride. That was a deal at $40. I was not thrilled but I reserved the guy for leaving this morning to get me back to the airport. I didn’t know anything at that time but I am a little wiser now.

It was about 80 degrees and humid in Taipei. I changed into shorts and decided to wander around. I asked at the desk for suggestions of places to go and got a few. I also booked the “cultural” tour for Sunday morning. I walked to the subway and bought a one day pass for $6. I got my money’s worth out of that.

I did a lot of walking this weekend. Walk, walk, walk. I hear it’s healthy but I like driving. My first visit was to the Chang Kai-shek Memorial. The memorial was commissioned in 1975 after Chang Kai-shek’s death and was opened in 1980 on the 5th anniversary of his death. It reminded me of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington except Mr. Kai-shek was no Lincoln. There was writing carved into the wall behind him and it might have been stirring words, but it was all Chinese to me.

Here are two views of the memorial.



(In case you’re wondering, I took my camera that I couldn’t find the docking station for and took pictures. Tonight when I came home from work, I noticed it sitting on a bookcase in the hall outside my apartment. Don’t ask.)

Fortunately for me, I was not looking too slovenly, so I could get in for a closer look.


And here is the man himself in all his memorialized glory.


They have 2 guards stationed inside “guarding” old Chang and it’s a fine job they do. And they take their job most seriously as you can see.


It was strange for me at the memorial. The grounds were beautiful as the National Theatre and National Concert Hall are also there. I was thinking about Barbara while there and missing her. She was a fine traveling companion, always game to go see anything and never complaining about my go, go, go vacation ways. We had a great time in Mainland China a few years ago so it just seemed kind of wrong she wasn’t there for the other China.

Of course, this led me to thinking too much about how much better it is to be with someone when viewing new sights. I always felt that way when I traveled for work and went sight-seeing by myself. It’s just so much better to share new experiences.

I kept hearing “I hate my life” in my head. That is not a nice thing to have playing in an endless loop in your head. Luckily it only lasted about a half hour and then it was gone. Do I hate my life? At times, and more times than I would like.

After communing with Chang, it was back on the subway for me as I went in search of the National History museum. To get to the museum you must walk thru the botanical gardens. I was not impressed. I did manage to seem some lotus blossoms that had seen better days.


The museum was a HUGE disappointment. I thought I’d learn about Taiwan but no luck. They had carvings, they had stamps (the kind you make a mark with) but no history. It was a waste of a dollar.

From there it was off to find the Eslite Bookstore, Taiwan’s only 24-hour bookstore. I had to see this. It was a nice bookstore with lots of books but I managed to escape without buying any. I visited the café for a coffee and a Panini. That is where the waitress who seated me said, “Don’t you have any friends”? I thought it was a funny and most appropriate line as I wandered around a new city by myself.

I didn’t think Taipei was pretty. I did see some nice things there but on the ride from the airport I saw many buildings in a block shape that reminded me of the buildings built by Communists. Considering that this was never a Communist country, I thought it strange.

I went back to the hotel caked in sweat and had a shower and changed before resuming my travels. Taipei has many night markets so I went to one of them that was in what they used to call “Snake Alley”. That’s because of the many animal things that went on but they’ve cleaned it up since then. I did see a huge snake that was being used in some sort of routine in one of the restaurants, but I’m not sure what they were using it for. Since there was a rabbit beside it in it’s own cage, I could make an educated guess.

Foot massages are very popular in Taiwan. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of foot massage places and they’re all busy. It was unbelievable to see so many, and all doing a good business.

I didn’t take pictures at the night market because to capture it properly you would need to reproduce the smell. All these scary looking foods on the street and a smell to kill with. Sometimes I would be sure to hold my breath while passing certain vendors as I feared the smell would knock me over dead.

I found the night markets in Hong Kong much better with more of a variety of crap. I did buy a $3 watch since my $3 watch I bought in Hong Kong no longer works.

I then took off for another destination looking for maybe a bar or a safe place to eat. I’m not an adventurous eater so I wanted something that seemed “American”. As I was on the subway I thought it strange that I’d been around quite a bit already and hadn’t seen any chain food places. I hadn’t seen a McDonald’s and I hadn’t seen a Starbucks. Naturally as soon as I come up from the subway, what do I see but a Starbucks. And around the corner from that? A McDonald’s, that’s what.

This area where I didn’t find a bar or a restaurant had tons of bridal shops and they were all quite busy on a Saturday night. Every second store was a bridal shop. I guess weddings are big business in Taipei.

I headed back to my hotel but I made a wrong turn walking back from the subway. But it was good luck for me because I was starving (it was about 10PM). I ran into a Subway so I had to have a Taiwan subway sandwich. I’ve had Subway in Canada, the U.S., Ireland, China, and I think even Israel. Yes, Mr. Adventures in Eating is what I am.

As I got close to my hotel a man who looked old enough to be my grandfather stopped me on the street and asked me if I wanted a “young girl”. Boy, was I shocked. Did I look like I wanted a young girl? I asked how much and he said (I’m converted money here) $120. I was so taken aback I didn’t ask any other questions. It seems old men sitting on motor scooters are pimps. I’ve led a sheltered life. And oh yes, I did turn him down.

I was up bright and early Sunday morning for my bus tour. I had breakfast at the hotel (it’s included) and it was pretty foul. Eggs and toast and salad and not too appetizing. However, I had to eat before my tour. The driver/guide picks me up and I’m the only one. He had one other booking but the man who booked was so hung-over he rescheduled. So it was a private “cultural tour” for me.

The guide bonded with me and thought we were brothers because we’re the same age and both divorced. According to him the only difference between us is that he pays alimony and I don’t.

We first visited an old street with kinds of food shops that look pretty unappealing to me and smelly. One of the shops sells quite expensive foods like Shark Fins and Fish Lips. I can’t remember the prices but they were astronomical.

We then went to see an old residence of a rich person from over 100 years ago. It used to be in a different location in the city but it was in the way of a new building that was to be built. So, they dismantled it brick by brick at it’s old location, and then reassembled it at the new location. The house itself was no big deal.

We went to 2 temples. The first was a Confucian Temple. I like Temple’s. They’re nice. Here’s a picture of this one.


After that we went to a Pao-an Temple. Here’s a picture of this one.


Now, how do we know it’s a Pao-an Temple? Because they have dragon’s on the roof. If it’s a Buddhist Temple there are no dragons. The guide explained to me how you ask God questions. It had something to do with picking a stick, rolling some blocks and getting a piece of paper from a board that matched the combination of stick number and block roll. It was interesting. But by far, the most interesting thing I learned was that if you want to give money to God, and it seems he needs it, you put it in a fiery oven and burn it. I’m not joking. The smoke from the money goes up the chimney to God in heaven. So there really are people in this world with money to burn.

Here’s a picture of the money oven.


Then it was off to view a tea ceremony. I saw how they brewed and served tea. I was shown and tasted 3 qualities of Oolong Tea. Oolong Tea only comes from China and this Tea from Taiwan is supposedly the best of it. The really good stuff is for domestic use only and is not exported. Even an inexperienced tea drinker such as myself can tell the difference between the types.

The low quality grows at the bottom of a mountain and yields 7 harvests a year. The medium grade is grown mid-mountain and yields 2 harvests a year. The real top quality stuff is grown at the top of the mountain and is harvested only once a year. The top stuff costs about $100 for 500 grams.

This tea is supposedly good for your heart and your health and so on and so forth. I bought the top grade stuff (300 grams) and two special mugs to brew it in. I got two because there may be times when I’m not drinking alone. It should last me a year and set me back about $80. So that was my foolish Taiwan purchase. During all this I was thinking of my dad as he liked to have a cup of tea every evening. I would love to have shared this tea with him. I miss him so much.

After this came a foot massage. First you wash your feet and the foot masseuse tortures you. There are many pressure points in the soles of your feet and supposedly they are connected to the different parts of your body. Every part is covered from head to toe including penis, vagina (take your pick), and the planet Uranus (or in this case, the planet Myanus).

All I know is I was almost screaming at parts of it and the people were laughing at me. I only felt it in my feet and not in the “connected” areas of my body. While I was there they tried to sell me my choice of various herbal medicines. They can prevent cancer, heart disease, diabetes, mental illness, Alzheimer’s, and even erectile dysfunction. This stuff is not cheap so I managed to say “no”, but the one for “mental unsettlement” and “prevention of cranial nervous breakdown” was most tempting.

Here is the foot masseuse or as I like to think of her, woman torture mistress.


Here she is in action.


And here am I enjoying it all.


That’s not a fake scream. I was set up. They offered to take my picture and I said yes. Then they timed it so the torture lady did her black magic and they snapped at that point.

After that was a small Kung Fu demo that was going to lead to a sales pitch for something or other, but we left before the sales pitch. The first guy drove a spike into a thick block of wood with his hand. It was quite something to see. He showed me the huge welt on his hand afterward. It looked like it hurt but he wasn’t shedding any tears.

The next guy (neither of whom looked anything like David Carradine) took a soft candy (like a caramel) and shaped it into a nail. I touched it and it was soft. He then, with just one blow of his fist drove it through a thick piece of sugar cane. I examined the sugar cane before and it was thick and hard. After he hit the soft candy, the cane was split with one part of the candy protruding from the other side of the cane. I have no idea how he did it, but it must have been a trick. They insist it’s all in the state of mind. What do I know?

After the tour I went to the National Palace Museum and it really was a beautiful museum.


But I’ve been to so many museums around the world and I can’t look at any more porcelain, bronze, jade, or whatever. I just don’t have an eye for it or appreciate it.

After that I went to the river where I heard there was a market. There were tons of people there and one of these.


There were people, people, people, the smell from the food vendor’s and river was ripe, and I enjoyed just walking around looking at people. Here are a few shots from there.
















This scene took me back to when I was small and my kids were small. I guess some children’s adventures are universal.


Is it the air quality, or is she just too hideous to look at?


Don’t ask, but I couldn’t resist a picture.


I then visited a huge night market that I couldn’t take for very long. Crap, crap, crap, and smelly food. Here are some of the taste treats being offered.




I then went back to the hotel for a shower and to change. I was accosted by one of the grandfather pimps offering me a “young girl”. Are there no pretty girls? Beautiful women? Do only “young girls” sell in Taiwan? I managed to keep my wits for 2 questions this time. One was how long do you purchase the pleasures for and I was offered a rate for an hour of $150. I turned it down but he was willing to negotiate. However, I wasn’t negotiating.

After freshening up I went to dinner at a hotel (a nice one) for a burger and fries. It was good and enjoyable. After that it was off to the movies for the 5th time in over 9 months. This time it was “Casino Royale”, the new James Bond movie. I’m not a 007 fan, and I haven’t been to see a Bond movie in about 25 years but I read good reviews of this one, and I wasn’t in the mood for walking anymore. I really enjoyed it. It was quite good. The actor playing Bond this time is not a Sean Connery wannabe and made the part his own. It was action packed, witty, nostalgic, and just plain fun. I recommend it quite highly.

It was then back to the hotel and to bed in preparation for my 6AM wake up. I booked a different taxi with someone who drove me to the palace museum because he was about $10 cheaper. He didn’t show up but I still found someone for the better price. I had cherry cheesecake and a coffee at the Starbucks at the airport and it was quite tasty. I slept most of the way back to Korea. I got in my car, came home, and then went out to work. Being with the small kids at the academy on Monday’s and Thursday’s reminds me of why I hated the job in Gwangyang.

And I’ll leave you with a picture I’ve been waiting to get off my camera so I could post it. It could be the grossest picture ever. It’s from the night Saeyoon came over to help me clean. I had to feed her as usual (she loves the food I have) and after she had nachos and salsa, she wanted this taste treat. Yes, it really is nachos with peanut butter on them, and yes, she did really like it.