GET AWAY FROM ME

I know you’re dying to know how many students brought in things for show and tell. If you guessed zero, give yourself a cigar. I was surprised, but not too surprised. So I went through the whole explanation of what I wanted once more. Then I wrote a sentence on the board and made sure everyone said they understood it. It was a statement saying that they’d bring something in today for show and tell. I made everyone write it on a piece of paper and sign it. Then I taught them the word “liar” and told them that they were a bunch of liars because they told me that they all understood what they had to do yesterday. I have very little patience for this group.

Yesterday I would get up, tell the kids not to move, and then I’d go to the teacher’s room and sit there for about 10 minutes calming down before returning. I did that 3 or 4 times. One of the highlights that chased me out of the classroom was one of these simple fable’s we were doing with the Korean translations. There is a line in the story like, The farmer said, “It’s my fault.” I would ask the class who has the whole story translated in front of them, “who’s fault is it?” No one could answer. It was unbelievable. I then walked to every student, pointed at the line in the story and asked them to read it. They did. I said, “who said that?” and they all told me the farmer. So I asked the class, “who’s fault is it?” and none of them could answer. It was personal break time. I really have no idea how to deal with them. They’re not noisy or disruptive, just dense.

I had fewer students yesterday than Tuesday so I was thinking my attitude was chasing some of them away which was good for me. Today there were only 7 kids so I was thinking I did a really good job yesterday. But I was told there was a science camp today so I lost some kids to that. Damn. I thought it was my talent.

So how many students claimed to have brought something in for show and tell today? They all did. Three of them went to the front of the class and showed a pen. What could I say? There is no point in calling them morons because they wouldn’t understand. To me, it’s one thing to not understand, but when they don’t ask questions if they’re not sure it drives me batty. Not knowing something is fine. Not asking is a crime. One kid showed her pen but couldn’t get a word out. Another one’s talk was, “this is a pen”, and then they sat down. I had a pencil case, a school bag, a book, and one other thing that wasn’t something that was brought in strictly for show and tell. If there is a god then he/she is punishing me.

We watched “Wizard of Oz” today. I saw it last week and I watched it again and loved it again. I swear that movie is flawless. I had the Korean subtitles on for the kids because in spite of my lack of love for them, I wanted them to love the movie. I asked a couple of kids after if they liked the movie. They said no. What kind of imbecile doesn’t love the “Wizard of Oz”? Who has ever heard of such an outrage? I was disgusted.

During the movie one boy who was sitting elsewhere came and sat beside me. I’m thinking, “what the fuck is he doing?” I didn’t say anything but I really didn’t want him near me but I couldn’t think of any reason to tell him to piss off. But then he got very fidgety so I just turn to him and said, “get away from me. Go sit somewhere else”. I may have scarred him for life. He’s a little chubby, a little goofy, a little stupid, and I’m sure I didn’t do anything for his self-esteem. But movie time is my time to be alone. I didn’t care at the time if he was hurt by me telling him to get away from me, and I don’t care now. I’ve hit a 4 day low point in my brief teaching career.

Tomorrow is the last day with these kids. I’m almost terrified of what I’ll get next week. I mean for the first time at school this week I’ve actually said, “Shut up”. I never say that. I say, “please be quiet” or “please shut your mouth”, but never “shut up”. What gets me is that I have such disregard for this group that I don’t even care. I could take it if they were slow but interested, or slow and trying, but they’re just slow and happy being slow. Especially that idiot girl in the back doing her math work when I ‘m teaching. But, if she’s learning math in my English class, then I’m performing some kind of service.

I will do the baking with the kids tomorrow. Hopefully they won’t screw up. It’s really hard to screw up this cookie recipe and I know it works from last week. It will kill 2 hours but it bothers me to be doing something with them they might enjoy. Boy, I’m one mean old bastard.

I’m missing classes of 40. The one good thing in a class of 40 is that there are always a couple of shiny pennies in there to give you a little lift. I came to middle school because I thought I’d have conversations with the kids. Conversations with the kids are what I live for at school. I’m so disappointed that I’m not having enough of them. Maybe I should have held out for high school. Maybe I should go to China and teach at the University level. They would actually hire me to teach at a University. Is that scary or what?

Am I losing it? I applied to a job in Austin last night that I am not qualified for but was very interested in. It’s a program director for anti-hate school program set up by the anti-defamation league. It jumped right out at me and I really tried in my introductory email letting them know of my diverse experience working with people all over the world. I also mentioned that I’m Jewish so I understand something of hate. I would leave tomorrow for an opportunity like that. I know I never want to do a computer job again. I’d love something in education or non-profit. I’ve been no use to society in my previous careers and the idea of maybe making a tiny difference in someone’s life is very appealing to me. Maybe I did make a tiny difference in some kid’s life back when I was a teacher in Israel. Maybe I do that here. I don’t know but it’s a nice thought. The problem when you’re 50 and from another field is that no one really wants to take on an older person without the paper and experience qualifications. Life experience isn’t a big seller and it takes an employer who can think “outside the box” to look at someone like that. I have no doubt I could do something like that and do it well. I’ll keep looking and sending if something jumps out at me.

I also applied to a job in Russia in some place near St. Petersburg. It seems there are a lot of English teacher jobs there. Poland is big too. Anyhow I hear St. Petersburg is very pretty and it costs nothing to send an email. I have no idea if I would actually do it. I’ve always wanted to go to Russia, but there are few countries that I haven’t wanted to go to. I do know that you really don’t learn about a place unless you live and work there. I’m not a Korea expert, but I’m sure I know more than anyone who has only visited here.

There are these factions within myself at constant war with each other. There is the adventuresome me who always wanted a life of living someplace for a year or two and experiencing the culture and the people and then moving on to someplace new. Then there is the me who wishes he could be content in one place and could just stay there and be happy. I guess I should have been a dentist, made a boatload of money in one place, and then spent the rest of my life being a traveling man.

I bought my nephew a Leaf’s jersey in Seoul a few month’s ago. If it’s a knockoff it’s a hell of a good job. It looks real to me and it was about $25. I was thrilled to be able to buy him one. I called my sister at midnight her time to check with her if she thought this would be a nice gift for him. I gave it to Elyse to give to Jarrod (hell, I’m probably spelling his name wrong) when we were in Texas for Leah’s wedding. I called Elyse the other day (because no family member ever calls me but that doesn’t bother me at all or so I have to claim) and I remembered to ask if he liked it. Jarrod never called to thank me and I never got a thank you note (he twists the knife) and Jarrod was there and Elyse asked him if he liked it. He said it was “sick”. I’m so out of it. That was a compliment. He likes it. Does this mean that if someone is “feeling great” they’re on their death bed? “Sick”? It did get a laugh. So now besides not understanding Koreans, I can go back to North America and not understand them either.