WHO SAID LIFE WAS EASY?

Did someone ever say that? Maybe their life was. As for mine, it’s convoluted. Sometimes I think my head will explode from everything running around in it. There’s always one more thing to worry about.

I got an email from Elana and she’s having a problem recognizing and relating to me. This is serious business. I’ve never made any secret that the two most important things to me are Elana and Leah and it pains me that she is having a problem understanding me and relating to me. If I had a million dollars, I’d fly back to Toronto so we could talk. But I don’t so handling this through email and perhaps phone is difficult. As a father your gut reaction is to just take your baby in your arms (and they are always your baby) and hug them and console them and tell them everything will be alright.

Whatever I do with my life doesn’t alter the fact that my kids come first. If they needed me, I’d be there. I think in some ways she’s having problems coming to terms with me as a person. But more than a person, I’m her father and that person has never changed. It’s not easy for her and I bleed for her. How to fix it? I wish there was a magic pill that could make everything better.

It’s another small irony in life. I’m in Korea and my biggest problem to work out is in Oakville. It’s the major downside of being half way around the world.

I don’t envy her having this problem coming to grips with me. I don’t envy me having to suffer because she suffers. There’s a feeling of impotence involved but I’m confident (I think) that this can be worked out. Elana has always been an intelligent person and I do have my moments of clarity and understanding.

Sometimes what you see on the blog are the feelings of the moment. They come, they go. Much is in a state of flux. I don’t think I’d be here if I was more unhappy than happy. There are good things involved but sometimes it’s easier to write about the not so good things. And there are the real issues that I have to come to terms with and figure out what I really want.

I went to concert last night with Saeyoon. It was another classical blast. It was a bass player accompanied by a piano. (The bass is that honking big fiddle). The bass player was American I believe, and a nice Jewish boy at that. Yes, in Korea listening to Jews perform classical music. He did one number that was an adaptation of a Jewish prayer. It was quite beautiful. Then in his last number he did a mini-Jimi Hendrix impersonation. He played the bass behind his back. It reminded me of when Hendrix would play his guitar behind his back. I was awake the whole concert so I guess it was a success.

After the concert it was the usual trip to Subway and then Starbucks. I do love Subway. I believe I’ve mentioned that. But as an added bonus there is entertainment provided. Saeyoon gets a sandwich and eats what’s in it without eating the bread. Once the inside is gone, she picks the white bread away from the crust and eats that. Then she eats the crust of the sandwich. It’s quite fascinating to see. She does enjoy her food.

She said something quite sweet to me last night. She said that whenever we are out on a date she feels like the luckiest girl in the world. It’s a nice thing to hear.

I have an appointment at the Provincial Office of Education on Monday. I’m meeting the Supervisor for the province to discuss my situation. I’m hoping I can get a transfer to another school. If this can happen I don’t have to start my year again and still get out of here. For him to meet me, on a confidential basis, is quite unusual. Maybe they care. Maybe they’re worried about the foreign teacher’s complaining. Who knows but we’ll see.

Yesterday was quite depressing at school. I was asked to help 2 3rd year middle school students who are applying to the foreign language high school. They’re nice kids and I’d love to see them do well on their exams and get in. I don’t think it’s going to happen and that’s sad. They obviously haven’t had the proper teaching to allow them the opportunity to excel. They’re good for this school but I don’t know how they’d stack up against students from other schools. They told me they didn’t think they were very good, but I didn’t have the heart to be honest and tell them they’re right. I just said I don’t know how other students are so they might be fine. But it’s depressing when you see students who want to excel but because of poor schooling can’t do it.

Tonight Yoon Soo and I will do dinner and catch up. It’s always good to spend time with him and I’m counting on him for directions to the office of education (it’s in another city) and directions to Costco where I will venture with Robert on Sunday. Saeyoon has asked me for various candies if I see them. I turned her on to licorice twizzlers a couple of weeks ago and she loved them. She’s also developed a fondness for Bubblicious gum.

Saturday Saeyoon and I will go to an air show with Dini and James (who we visited the army base with). I don’t know if I’ve ever been to an air show but I suppose it’s about as exciting as watching paint dry. But it’s a day out and we are having wonderful autumn weather. Since it’s on an air force base I’m hoping for American fast food for lunch.

I may be forced to start learning Korean. I have too much free time here at school so I can attempt to teach myself. It may be boring but it might not hurt. However, I’m not ready to officially announce the beginning of my studies. I need to ease into it. After all, I’ve only been here a little over 8 months.