REMIND ME AGAIN WHY I LEFT TEXAS

It’s been cold. I’ve driven in snow. I’ve had to put on my winter coat (Thanks Paul). I don’t like the cold. I miss Texas winters. All I can say is Yuck.

Saturday night Saeyoon and I went to Costco to buy some crap. She wanted candy for her students and I bought some unhealthy things for myself. She made me put back the marshmallows which she may never be forgiven for. I can hold a grudge. Traffic was hell. It seems that everyone in Korea takes their car out on the weekend. I hate driving on the weekends. We get to Costco and I join. It’s about $35 for the year which is the same as North America. At the bottom it says your spouse can have a free card so I tell Saeyoon that she should pretend to be my spouse and get one. She fills it in and they say to her that we don’t have the same last name so she confesses we’re not married. I told her that in North America some women keep their names. She knew that but forgot so no card for her.

Whereas in North America there are deals galore at Costco, here in Korea it’s ripoff city to me. If it’s imported, it’s expensive. So I don’t go overboard. I look at everything and I say, “too expensive”. It’s too bad because some things are tempting.

We are driving back and it starts snowing. I was unprepared. Then it starts snowing harder. And the roads are icing. I was pleased that the crazy Korean drivers actually slowed down and drove safely but it was weird for me. It’s been a long time since I’ve driven in falling snow. I can’t say I miss it. It took me twice as long to get home and it was cold. I have retired my spring jacket and am accepting that it’s winter. I lost my boots somewhere so I’m still wearing my running shoes. Maybe I will graduate to boots.

Sunday I introduced Robert to Saeyoon as the three of us had dinner together. It went quite well. There is a buffet restaurant in my building and we went there. It sucked for me. Sushi, California roll (sushi stuff), seafood nastiness, dim sum, pork, and salad. But I tried something different. I had heard good things about it, but Korean standards are not my standards.

We had a nice visit and the two of them got along quite nicely as I knew they would. It was nice to introduce her to a friend of mine finally. Actually she had met another of my friends in the past but he wasn’t a good friend. The time flew by and I was pleased by the results. I know sometimes you get nervous when you bring two friends together and you worry they won’t like each other. But sometimes there is nothing to worry about.

Friday night was the party at Outback. We didn’t order our own meals which was a disappointment to me. Kyle ordered a bunch of stuff and we all shared. I don’t like sharing, I want my own. The kids (over 40 of them) seemed to have fun. We played some games and I dressed as Santa Claus. Yes, get the Jew to be Santa Claus. It was cute.

I met another English teacher Kyle has working for him named Eric. Nice guy who has been in Korea for 5 ½ years. He’s married to a Korean woman and he has a gorgeous 1 year old son. This kid (Caleb) does not make strange with anyone. I was holding him half the night. Kids would come up to me and ask who he was and I’d tell them that he was my brother because after all, he wasn’t heavy. (Groooooooooan).

So you have all these kids, Eric and his family, Kyle brought his brother and mother, and me. I was so depressed. I felt so alone. Sometimes this loneliness thing just bites you really bad when you’re not expecting it. It tries to drag you down to the depths of depression and you fight strongly against it. I should have had fun but I couldn’t. All I could think of was that I was alone. It’s so strange that as a person who never really cared about belonging to anything, I know find I want to belong to something. I do not want to be a solitary man. I don’t want to be a rock. I don’t want to be an island. (I liked when I belonged to my family when the 4 of us lived together. The dynamics change as the kids get older).

I see my family in less than 2 months so that should help me. But if I’m to stay and survive here I must start to get a feeling of belonging to something or someone. When I’m with Saeyoon I do not feel alone. I can forget everything else except for us. However, I need to make the leap to where that carries over to the times we are not together. I miss her and would much rather be with her than without her, but I need to get some inner peace that carries me through those times. I’m hoping I’ll develop that with time.

The school year finishes the end of the month for kids and then they are off until March 1st. I should be working mostly days for these holidays which is good. I start at an academy near here tonight for 2 nights a week, 4 hours a shot. I met on of the English teachers last night and her English was pretty bad. They have no foreign speakers there but there are about 500 students. It’s not just an English Academy but there is math, science, and other things. To hire a foreign speaker you need to be a “Language Academy”. So they hire Kyle to get around that and he provides me. I’m not looking forward to it as I’m sure the kids will be annoying.

The English teacher (she was young) asked me how old I was. I told her to guess and she said 35. Where do they find these numbers. I mean 37 would have been realistic, but 35? We had a meeting with the owner who doesn’t speak English and when he left the room Kyle said that he like me. I said, “how can he like me, he didn’t talk to me”. It seems I have a kind face. I hear that a lot from Koreans. I don’t know if that’s how North Americans see my face, but it goes over well here. And it’s flattering. Even more flattering than the young age. I like to think I have a kind face and a personality to go along with it.

I was talking to Laura on Saturday and she said she was going out for lunch and eating outside. A curse on her! I’m freezing while others are eating outside. There is no justice. If I can make it through these next 50 years without cracking up, I’ll be okay.