SLIPPERVILLE

Saeyoon’s mother (who I am sure has a name but I don’t know it) has slippers she wears in the bedroom, living room, and kitchen. When she goes on the balcony she takes off those slippers and puts on other slippers that wait on the balcony. When she goes to the washroom, there are slippers for that room. And the laundry room comes with it’s own pair of slippers. That’s four pairs of slippers strategically placed around the house. I thought it was weird but I asked my Korean assistant teacher today and she said it wasn’t strange. I thought that was strange.

I finished my job in Ilsan today. The good news is no more 90 minute classes. The bad news is no income. I could have toughed it out for another week. The agency told me the job was a go and the school was willing to have me come to town and look at potential apartments so I get something I like. That’s nice and good.

On Monday I’ll go to immigration and get (I hope) my visa extended for 30 days. It’s not good to be applying for a new visa and being in the country illegally. After that I’ll visit my English speaking doctor for a regular visit and then I’m off to the employment agency to give them my papers and sign another contract.

When a company applies for a visa for you, it takes about a week to get a visa issuance number. Once you have this number you leave the country (Japan usually because it’s close) and visit the Korean embassy and give them the number and your passport. You come back the next day and get your visa. So it will be approx. a couple of weeks until I start the job. Hopefully I can move before then. I guess I’ll ask them when I go and look at apartments.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t afford a motel while I’m not working but I really can’t take much more of living here. Her mom is really nice to me but being the perpetual guest isn’t fun. The relationship isn’t really one any more. When she got home last night she went and played on the computer. Today I asked her why as she said we were going to talk. She said she forgot. Yes, she probably did but communication wasn’t that important to her to be on her mind.

This morning I got an email from her apologizing for yesterday (temper tantrum). It told me she couldn’t express just how bad she felt. I felt that I’m in your apartment and you couldn’t come and say these things in person? You had to send an email? I called her this morning and told her that. I basically said that you can’t have any relationship without communication. She told me I was right. She said she wanted to communicate with me. She said we should on Saturday afternoon. I said that she’s busy with her class and she said I should come and meet her after class. I said, “we’ll see”. I’m curious if she’ll mention it tomorrow (Saturday) morning. She also said, again, that we’d communicate tonight when she got home. She was getting home late because she was staying at her office to do her homework. I know she went on her computer and I just looked and she’s in bed sleeping. I guess communication doesn’t involve saying goodnight.

I’m not even complaining anymore. She is who she is, and things are what they are. I honestly feel she “broke” the relationship and it was up to her to fix it. That isn’t going to happen and I am actually okay with that. It’s just very difficult to be in the same apartment. I think of what could have been and isn’t. I think I want to get on with my life and I will once I have my own place. I’m tired of being angry and disappointed and critical. She lives in her own world and it’s not a world I am too fond of. I’m not saying I’m always right and my way is the best way, but the way she acts in a relationship is not the way I would act. That doesn’t mean she’s a bad person, it only means that the things I believe in and are important to me, aren’t the same things that she believes in and are important to her.

I may waste money on a motel for mental health reasons. I told her today that I was out of here on Wednesday or Thursday. She said I shouldn’t go as it would be insulting to her mother. I said I was sorry. Actually, what I should have said was she should tell her mother that her boyfriend is now her ex-boyfriend and that’s why he’s leaving. I will figure out what to do after Monday when I see when I can visit my new city and look at apartments.

What I would really like is to visit family. Unfortunately I don’t have the money for plane fare. If I did it would solve a lot of problems. I could see people I miss and even though I’d still be living in someone’s house, it would be easier than living here. Summer vacation is in July and August and I’d like to go to Canada for a week or 10 days, but should I spend the money I need to save?

My dad’s birthday is coming up (June 4th) so I’ve been thinking about him and missing him quite a bit lately. I know he’s dead but it’s just so hard to believe. If he was still alive he’d only be turning 77. He got sick and died so young. It’s so fucking unfair. I’d give anything to see him and listen to the damn TV being on too loud. Life sucks sometimes. So does death.