SO WHAT’S IT LIKE TO BE BACK?

At the moment, it sucks. I could be here, in Korea, or on the moon. It would all be the same. I’m not on my own. I’m sick. Yes, I have pneumonia again. I have no energy. I can’t look for work until I’m better. I should probably stay in and rest which doesn’t sound so appealing after being inside for 2 months.

On Sunday I got a cell phone. That took 3+ hours comparing prices and plans. It sure stinks here in Canada. It’s so much cheaper and better in the U.S. I had breakfast with my mother, sister, and her girls which was nice. And I can’t really remember if I did anything else.

On Monday I got my driver’s license and my health insurance. Getting the health insurance takes a big load off my mind as I can’t really afford the doctor right now. I went to see the doctor (my cousin) and he confirmed the pneumonia and put me on antibiotics. He told me I should find another doctor because we’re family and I agreed. He recommended someone for me to call and told me that if they aren’t accepting new patients they would refer me to someone else.

He took a chest x-ray and my lungs look like hell. He did blood work and I had to wait for the results. My mother and I then went to the cemetery to see my dad. It was his birthday. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. We walked around a bit looking at the tombstones and some of them just break your heart. It’s very painful to see the grave of a 2 year old girl.

We then went to eat at Swiss Chalet which was a taste treat as always and then stayed in the house in the evening.

My sleeping sometimes is interrupted by coughing spasms which wake my mom but what can I do? It’s going to be tough until it’s over.

Yesterday morning I called the doctor recommended to me and they are not taking new patients. I asked if they could recommend someone and they said to call the College of Physicians. Big help. Jerks. My mother then said her doctor was good but a woman and I said that would be no problem. So she called and left a message asking them to take me as a patient. They called back a few hours later and scheduled an appointment for me on Monday.

I stayed in all day yesterday which is probably good but something I’m tired of doing. I got my blood test results back and there was nothing dramatically wrong but some levels were high. They faxed the results to my new doctor.

My new doctor phoned me personally at 6:20 because she was curious about me after seeing my blood work. I have her my checkered medical history and she changed my appointment from Monday afternoon to Friday morning. I was impressed. She also told me if I get shakes and shivers I should go check into a hospital because I probably need my antibiotics intravenously. So far, no shakes.

I’ll run a few errands today with my mom, but basically life is on hold. I can’t think and I have no energy. I know this will all clear up soon but after this much time I’m rather tired of it.

And what of this “November plan” for Saeyoon and I. Things change quickly. I get an email from her saying that she’s not sure if she wants to live her permanently which was never the plan. It was to try it out and then decide together what we should do. I told her it sounded like she wanted to come here to see me for a vacation. I told her to make up her mind as to what she wanted to do because it wasn’t fair to me to have me prepare and believe she was coming if she wasn’t.

I’m not even angry because it just happens so much. She’s a person (not a bad person) who has trouble making up her mind and making commitments. I can’t count on what she tells me no matter how convincing it sounds at the moment. This may sound cruel but she should stay in Korea, live with her mother, have her mother pack her lunch daily and wash her clothes, and go out drinking and get drunk a couple of times a week. A life of little responsibility and (to me at least) little joy. But we all must choose our own way.

I just need to get better and then to find work. If Saeyoon was coming my search would be limited to Canada as you need a visa if you’re Korean to visit the U.S. Now, without any commitments (but lots of “miss you”s and “hope we love each other forever”, but no commitments), I can consider the U.S. It was a good plan to come here and build a foundation for her to come here with a minimum of trouble, but there is too much waffling and I can just see myself thinking she’s coming and she doesn’t show up. It’s too bad. She’s a bit of a fool who doesn’t seem capable of seeing the future and what’s important in life. But as my mother always told me when I was younger, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

So that’s my boring return to Canada for now. Hopefully I’ll be better soon. I don’t know how long I’ll keep up this blog. As long as it’s therapeutic for me, I’ll do it. Then I guess the title could change to “Martin’s Canadian Adventure”.