AH, THE EXCITEMENT OF LIFE

Yesterday I ventured to Suwon to the Provincial Office of Education to meet the English Supervisor for high schools and middle schools. Or that’s what I thought. I met with his assistant and met the great man for five minutes. The assistant is the liaison between the foreign teachers and the school board. I have no idea if anyone has ever complained enough and followed up to actually go there and meet them. I get the feeling that I’m the first.

The assistant (Wenice) likes to tell me constantly how much she’s helping me. I love to hear that because I’m stupid and don’t realize she’s helping me. She wanted me to convince her that I was serious about teaching and staying in Korea so she would help me. So after going through my reasons that this school and I aren’t hitting it off, stating clearly that it was my father’s funeral and being given a letter of warning that contained my absence for that, that I felt the situation here was doomed. I told her that I thought it would be best for both the school and I if we parted ways.

I told her that ideally I’d prefer a high school but I was open to a middle school. My only stipulation was that it be within striking distance of Seoul. She told me she would see what she could do and get back to me in the next couple of days.

I left school early to go to see her. I claimed sickness and didn’t feel bad since I had no classes. There was only the head teacher and the vice principal here. I left at 11:30 and stopped at Saeyoon’s office to say hello and apologize in person for something dumb I did. Most people do dumb things from time to time. I say stupid things I don’t mean when I feel hurt. It’s immature and I need to stop doing that. She was very offended by what I said and she totally lost it at one point. She was screaming at me at the top of her lungs on the phone. She was a public bus and on a street when she was doing this. It’s way overboard. I get a picture of Linda Blair from the Exorcist in my head when she does this. I asked her last night if her eyes roll up into her head and her head swivels on her neck when she loses it and she told me no. I told her it doesn’t hurt me when she gets like that because it’s just so stupid, but I worry for her. Sometimes I can talk her down but other times I can’t. It hurts to see someone you care for behave in such a way that all they’re doing is hurting themselves.

I visited for a short bit to apologize. She had classes to teach and listening to young kids play the recorder is an exercise in torture. I asked her if I could visit after class and she forgave me enough to say yes. I went to Suwon by subway instead of car this time (smart me) and returned about 5:45PM. We talked and all is good. It’s kind of cool how the relationship is growing. Besides all the touchy-feely pitter patter of the heart, we are becoming better friends all the time. Talking on the phone isn’t easy. I don’t think she’s comfortable with it and I’m not much of a phone talker. (Except when talking to Laura). With the language differences in person is the best. I understand Konglish best in person. And my speaking ability in Konglish gets better all the time.

We similar in some ways like how we fear the future. We have different reasons for our fear, but there is a sameness about it. I have fear of failure because I have a failed marriage in my past. She has fear of the unknown because this is all uncharted territory for her. I’m glad when we can talk about these things.

I have also come to the realization that she’s as close as I have to family over here. That’s a scary thought. I don’t mean that because she’s not a good person (she is), but she’s not family at the moment. My family is half a world away and I miss them something awful at times. I know though that if I was in North America, I’d only want to leave and try something new. I should have been a dentist and saved money so I could flit back and forth between two worlds.

I got an email from Wenice telling me that they’ve found a potential school for me. It looks like it’s in a nice town and when I started to ask questions she got all offended and told me that if she was me, she’d jump all over this without question. Sounds silly to me. She said she wouldn’t ask questions about the school for me so I suggested that perhaps they’d want to meet me first and I could meet them. Sort of like a job interview. That way I can get a feel for the place and they could get a feel for me. I really think it would be to both our advantages since you can’t usually do this. But I’m here in Korea so why not take advantage of that. She said she’d get back to me but this will be the only school they mention to me. I know they’re not a placement agency, but they should be interested in making matches between teachers and schools. The one thing I didn’t mention to her and a reason I want to talk to the school is I don’t want a one-room apartment. I want 1 separate bedroom at least. I know I won’t get a 3 bedroom again, but I can’t go back to a single room. It’s like a prison.

I have an “open class” next Friday. Min Kyung is driving me crazy with the lesson plan. I did one and she wants changes. I did another and she wants changes. I am staying calm but a few more of these and I’ll be telling her to do it herself. I’m not stressing about all these people coming and watching. I know some people do a dog and pony show to impress everyone. This will just be a normal class but to keep Min Kyung happy, we will do the class one time for preparation before doing it as the open class. That’s cheating, but it’s the Korean way.

I send out resumes for jobs but I’m not getting any responses. I think it’s because I’m still under contract. I tell potential employers that I’ve been promised a release by the office of education but I think they’re doubtful. After all, why wouldn’t they want to save plane fare and take someone who’s already here?

I just called the agency that placed me here to see if they knew of anything available. It seems that this school has already contacted them about finding another foreign teacher. It’s amazing what you can learn by accident. The agency told me they have an opening in Ilsan which is close to here and a very nice city. The agency will call the Office of Education to see if it’s okay to place me there. If the people I met yesterday were being straight with me, it should be no problem. Will this new development affect my attitude? Probably. I just don’t want it to affect my attitude towards the kids.

I should start getting used to saying goodbye to my apartment. Damn, but it was a good one.

My mother called me the other night. It’s the 2nd time ever she has phoned me. The other time was for my birthday. Boy, was I surprised. She asked me when I was coming back to North America and giving up my 2nd childhood. I can’t explain why living half way around the world is not a childhood. She also said I should stop running away from things. But what if I’m running towards things. She worries about me and that’s what parents do. But it’s so difficult to explain the little bit I do understand about my need to venture out and try new things.

Some days I feel that I’m on the verge of something good. A feeling that something wonderful will break my way any second. I will have a breakthrough of insight and all will fall into place. Why not? Stranger things have happened.