DEPRESSION OR EMPATHY

In last night’s adult class we were talking about the different kinds of New Year’s vows that people make. The article in the book had a whole list of them and I asked people what they thought were the most important things to do in their lives. Most of the vows were good ones and ones that people should do now, and not wait for a new year. One woman asked me what my New Year’s vow was and I told her I don’t do them. If it’s a good thing to do, and I can do it, then I just do it. She made some vows and I asked her why she didn’t make them on November 25th or whatever, and why wait for the New Year. She had no reply to that.

I like the class as we seem to have fun and can actually have semi-serious conversations. The thing that keeps it from total seriousness is the lack of language but it does fill a need of mine for serious conversation.

Last night one woman said that the vow that was closest to her was to take care of yourself because no one is going to do it for you. I asked her why she picked that one and she said (and I paraphrase) that she suffers from depression and therefore has to watch herself. These things that come out in class. I felt so bad for her because I understand and can empathize with her. I wanted to reach out to her in some way and offer whatever help I could. Do I get these feelings of empathy for others because I’m empathetic, or is it a symptom of my own depression? It just seems lately I’m being touched by the pain of others. I was going to talk to her after class but something stopped me. I was thinking that maybe I should just mind my own business. I would have preached the value of seeing someone to talk to and possibly some medication but that just sounds so un-Korean. I decided to mind my own business but it bothers me that I did mind my own business. I can’t solve my own problems but I want to help others with their problems. I’m a weird guy sometimes.

I just watched “Rocky Balboa” and I must admit I loved it. I loved the first one about 30 years ago and then the series went into decline. This one (number six) is to be the swan song and as much as I hate to say it, Sylvester Stallone did a marvelous job. The story is hokey, schmaltzy, predictable, and a bunch of other things but it works. This is the Rocky we all loved 30 years ago. I cried all through the movie. Of course if you weren’t a fan of the first film or know the series, this one probably would have no appeal. Stallone made limited use of flashbacks and those he used were so brief they were almost subliminal. They worked. They were effective. There were the things we remember like using slabs of meat as a punching bag and running up the steps of the library in Philadelphia. I can’t believe how much I loved it. I had heard it was quite fitting and good as a closing to the series and it was. If you were ever a Rocky fan then this one is a must.

I had my brilliant middle school girl student today for 90 minutes. She bought a ton of textbooks yesterday to help her study English and she brought them in. She sleeps 3 ½ hours a night because she does school work. She studies English online with teachers on the Internet. She bought a book to start get ready for the SAT (I think she’s 13). She rarely goes shopping for clothes and just buys them online because she doesn’t have time to shop. She doesn’t go to the movies because she’s studying. I wanted to tell her to get a life. Intelligence is good. Studying is good. Doing well is good. But being a kid and having fun is also good. I was told to give her an assignment every week to write an essay. She thinks it’s a great idea. She will also read a short story every week so we can talk about it. She’ll study grammar on her own and bring in her questions to me. She’ll also read magazines and other things and bring in the things she wants to discuss. I get tired just thinking of all the work she’ll be doing.

I went into the supermarket at 4:30 this afternoon and it was packed. Koreans love to shop. You have to go at midnight if you don’t want a crowd. These people need some additional activities.

Besides looking forward to seeing family in a few weeks, I’m looking forward to a break from Korea. This isn’t to say that Korea is bad, it’s just I think I want to be invisible for a week. I’m tired of kids staring at me. I’m tired of listening hard to everyone. I think that Koreans think that they work very hard when speaking English to people like me. I agree they do. What they don’t realize is that if you are going to be a good listener (and I am) then I work hard too. I don’t let things go by me because I can’t be bothered to be sure I understand what’s being said. Sometimes it’s tiring.

In case you were wondering, and I know you weren’t, I still haven’t met Saeyoon’s mother yet. I can’t pretend to understand the culture but it makes me feel bad. I feel like I’m not good enough. Saeyoon said she could introduce me as her close friend if I wanted but not as a “boyfriend”. I declined the offer. I am a close friend but it’s only half the story. This is going to be another of those things that indicate the reality of the relationship. She loves to put off decisions but eventually there will come a time when a decision not made is in fact the decision. It’s difficult in that most of us get into relationships with other people who have had someone similar experiences in relationships and know somewhat the ins and outs of how they work. Her whole relationship with me is (in her words) “unfamiliar”. It’s a good choice of words. I try and take that into account because someone should not be penalized for a lack of experience. However, and there is always a however, there comes a time when you take steps forward whether they are familiar or not. I see the next month and a half as being very telling.

I’m looking forward to Jesus Christ Superstar on Saturday. I hope I like it because who am I to criticize it? Who am I to despise it? (I’m certainly getting ready).