OKAY, SO I DON’T POST SO OFTEN

Here I am. It’s Monday morning and I’m at the office. It’s 8:17 AM. The temperature outside is about 6 degrees Celsius (about low 40’s in real numbers) and the temperature in here is 59 degrees. It seems no one who is presently here knows how to operate the thermostat so I’m glad I’m wearing 2 shirts and a jacket. And people always laughed at me for the “layered” look.

As usual I have several debates going on in my head right now. I think the biggest is whether or not to get my hair cut. I know it looks better shorter, but I hate haircuts. I also get some sort of perverse pleasure in having the “mad professor” look. I hope Mary Anne approves. As for what Ginger thinks, I don’t really care.

It’s my mom’s birthday today. She’s 72. Hell, we’re all getting older. The body breaks down a bit, but it’s what’s inside that counts. Of course, if you feel 25 inside but move like a 60 year old it’s a problem. I seem to waffle between feeling about 30 and moving like I’m 52. My mom is managing. Her and Elyse’s family went to Buffalo for the weekend. I wasn’t invited. I think they know I’m not much of a shopper. So I got stuck with baby-sitting the dog. Boy, that dogs smells and he’s old. It’s not a real pleasure.

Yesterday I spend several hours visiting my old friends Steve and Cheryl. She found me on facebook which I had to join to see a picture that Elana took of Jerod (my nephew) and me. So through a link of a link of a link, she found me and wrote. I would have written eventually but she was first. It was nice to “catch up” on old times. I can honestly say they don’t seem to have changed. It’s weird. I’ve been through all these strange and life-altering experiences and there they are, the same as always. And you know what? If it works for them, and it does, then I’m very happy for them.

Leah was here for 2 weeks and that was great. I saw her a few times and she slept over 3 nights. The rest of the time she slept at her sister’s. I don’t see her enough so it was a real pleasure. Her life is pretty good but she’s tired of the road trips. She’s thinking that she’ll get a job and a place to live and Taylor can tour with just the band. When he’s home, they can be alone. I think she’s done in on living with the in-laws, and even at the best of times, living with the in-laws is not ideal.

We had some good talks and the best words of wisdom she had was that she might not like all the things I do, or all the choices I make, but I’m her father and she loves me. She said, “What am I going to do? Not talk to you?” I appreciated that. I can respect that my kids don’t agree with me. I don’t always agree with them. But I do believe in unconditional love within a family. And since none of us walk in anyone else’s shoes, we can’t judge what works for others. Some ideas might seem totally insane, but sometimes they do work out.

I’m on break from the dating game. It was just ridiculous. I was drinking too much coffee. Sometimes I’d see a person a couple of times and I’d get an email saying that we could never be more than just friends if I was interested. It bothered me since I was still in the “do I like you” stage. I’m just not living up to the expectations of the women I saw. I think things I said turned them off. Things like health history or just my past but what am I going to do, lie? If you ask a question, I’ll answer it honestly even if it doesn’t show me in the best light. I think I would do just as well throwing a dart at a board and seeing where it sticks.

This Ernestina scam (previous post, woman from Guana) is dead. She asked me for $100 to throw herself a 30th birthday party. I said no. I spend $20 to send her a webcam and she told me she needed $70 for the postman to hand it over. I said no. So she (or he or whoever) doesn’t seem to be chatting to me anymore. It’s just so sad that there are men who take these people seriously. I’m lonely, I admit it. But I’m not a total dolt.

Work carries on. No one hassles me which is good. I am managing to stay awake which is good. I’m going to Romania for a few days which is bizarre. It’s never been on my list of places to visit, but I’ve never been one to turn down a free trip to a new country. The problem is the trip is only for a demo, so it’s a short one. I won’t have time to see any of the country. I think Vlad the Impaler was going to invite me for dinner, but I would have to turn it down. If we get the sale, I’m sure I’ll be going back.

I’ve been writing to this woman on a Chinese site. I enjoy writing to her and getting letters from her. They are refreshing. It’s not like Western women. These women are interested in finding husbands. I get from 1 to 4 letters a day from different women who have read my profile and claim to be interested. They belong in a large age range, some are single, some are divorced, some have kids, but all the letters are capable of pulling you in. I’m only writing to the one woman since I’m cheap. The site is free but you pay for letter translations which are about $5 a letter. I write, they call her, she goes to the agency, they translate the letter for her, she replies in Chinese, they translate to English and send it back to me. I think that takes a commitment on the other person’s part to have to go to the agency almost every day to reply.

She says the right things, some of which I take with a grain of salt. She tells me she loves me (which is something I take with a grain of salt), and that I am the one for her. I’ve sent her lots of pictures so she knows what I look like. She knows my age. I think she is sincerely interested. I like how she writes and expresses herself. I don’t think it’s a scam to get a visa because she’s said China would be a better place for us to live. I liked that and it gave me more confidence in what I was reading.

I know the whole thing sounds insane, but sometimes insanity works. I may go see her and I know it’s a long way for a date, but my intuition (faulty as it is), tells me it would be worthwhile. And even if it doesn’t work out, it’s still a holiday in China. The thing is, if she thinks I’m the same person in real life as the one who writes the letters, and if I think she’s the same person in real life as the one who writes the letters, then we do have something to go from.

I have no idea how good her language is. I know everyone in China learns English in school but that means nothing. I know I’m a good and patient listener to foreigners, and I speak slowly, so that’s a plus. We would hire a translator for the first couple of days to get us over the initial hump. I mean, I haven’t been too successful relationship wise, so why not something different?

So I work, I go hope to my apartment alone (which I still don’t mind at this stage), and I dream about this insane Chinese idea. I am tired of being alone. I admit it. I’ve given up on conventional means of meeting women. I confuse and upset those who claim to care for me. But I just want the same rights as everyone else and that’s the right to try what I think just might work. If it doesn’t no one dies. And if it does work, that’s great.

So that’s it in a nutshell for this time. Next time will be whenever. If anyone is reading this, perhaps even crazier things may happen, or I may be on my way to finding some kind of inner peace.