Don’t speak the language. I know that sounds weird but I have had some experience in foreign countries where I have avoided arguments and just get what I needed/wanted by only speaking English. People aren’t interested in trying to understand you if you don’t speak their language so it’s easier for them to just say, “ok”. There are security guards in Saeyoon’s apartment complex when you are driving in. If you’re Korean and don’t live here you have to explain things to them. If you only speak English then they usually look like they can’t be bothered to try and understand and just open the gate for you.
Today I got a call in the morning from the hospital. They were only speaking Korean so I told them I couldn’t speak Korean, just English. (I can say I don’t understand Korean in Korean). They put someone on the phone who spoke a little English. They wanted me to pay and I told them they could have $250 of the $400. She told me that was okay but I can’t be sure I understood. I told them I would come to the hospital in the morning to pay.
When I got to the hospital I was walking to the business office. I am so well known. A man cries out, “MartinKing” and leads me to the business office. I told them I was there to pay my balance in full at $250. The man is talking to me in Korean and I told him I didn’t understand. They got some people who spoke a little English telling me the bill was $400. I told them I understood but they would only get $250 from me.
They did ask me how I would pay on Wednesday for my follow-up appointment and I told them I held some money back for that and for medicine. They seemed to find some of my answers quite funny. Then they said to give them the $250 and then we will talk about the rest. I told him no, we can talk about it now.
They then said $250 would be okay and I said show me the receipt first. I trust no one here. They show me the receipt which shows an outstanding balance of $150. I tell them that it’s no good and they tell me it has to be like that because they have to do something afterwards to fix it. They were lying. I told them it wasn’t good enough.
At one point they said the boss had to make the decisions, they couldn’t. I said to get the boss but that never happened.
This was like a game. I modulated my voice depending on the discussion. I sometimes raised my voice which made them think, “crazy American”, I’m sure. That was the effect I was going for.
They then got the guy who I talked to on Saturday to talk to me. He told me I had to pay and if I didn’t the person who brought me to the hospital would have to pay. He is the one that signed me in. I told them I didn’t know the person who brought me and he was not a friend. He was just someone who saw someone in trouble and helped that out.
He took me outside to talk and we went over the same things. I told him he basically had 2 choices. He could take my $250 and call it done, or he could take nothing. He thought this was kind of funny and threatened me with calling the police. I told him to please go ahead. It would be wonderful if they called the police about someone who was sick.
We went back inside and he called my friend Dr. Khang who helped me but he didn’t answer the phone. That was good. They then called Saeyoon’s father (who didn’t sign for me this time) and they were talking for a while about something. I got tired of waiting and said I was leaving. He then gave the phone to me to talk to Saeyoon’s father (Myung Soo). I told him that he was not to pay for me and he had nothing to do with this. He said okay. I then gave the phone back to the man in the business office. He continued to talk to Myung Soo and I said I was leaving. He said no and I said I had waited long enough. One of the people in the office came out of the office with me (the original guy who saw me in the hall) and he physically tried to stop me from going by putting his arms out to not let me pass. I raised my voice and told him to not touch me and to get away from me. He kept trying to stop me. I told him again to not touch me and he said don’t touch me. I said fine and climbed up on some chairs and walked along them and to my car.
While I was driving out of the parking garage they phoned me to ask me to come back. I said what for but the person who called only spoke Korean. I decided to go back because I thought they must be getting tired of this and should fold. I knew I wouldn’t. When I came back in the hospital one of the business people saw me while I was walking to the payphone to make a call. I told them I would come to them when I was done. He stood by me while I used the phone. I was then expecting a call back so I told him I was going outside to use my cell phone. After a minute there were 2 of them standing by me while I was waiting for my phone to ring.
One of them was the one who threatened the police. He said something to me and I told him to please call the police. I think the one who was with him thought he was stupid to have said that. He shoved him playfully and said something that had the tone of, “what a stupid thing you said”.
While I was on the phone the one who threatened me stood by me the whole time. It was quite humorous. It was quite the game. If I had the money, I probably would have paid it. But I don’t and I was annoyed that I was in the hospital running up this bill because of problems with a test they administered.
After I got off the phone we went back into the business office. The guy who seemed to be handling my case now (the Saturday guy and police threat guy) said I had 2 choices and he wrote them down to make sure he was saying what he thought he was saying. My first choice was to pay the $400 and be able to come back to the hospital and get care. My second choice was to pay $250 and not be able to come back and get care. I told him there was a third choice and that was to pay nothing and not come back. Gotcha!
After the people in the office conferred once more the one who first saw me and tried to restrain me and can’t speak English found some English words. He said in English, “you win”. They folded and gave me a receipt for $250 paid in full. I think not speaking Korean helped me immensely. I hate to say this but I was so into the game which is what it turned into. I guess I knew I could “win” because I knew my bottom line. I’d been in the hospital for almost 4 weeks earning no money. I have no apartment and job at the present time. And as I said I thought they should take some responsibility for my being in the hospital.
Saeyoon said hospitals don’t give discounts but they have both times. Everyone said they wouldn’t take $250 but I thought it’s more than nothing. I spent 2 hours at the hospital today so that was $75 an hour for my time. I guess I won’t be on their Christmas card list.
Yesterday Myung Soo (Saeyoon’s father) wanted to take me for a drive to relax me. He showed up an hour late and we went to get Saeyoon at her office. We only went to some farm where he bought some plants. We then went to his mother’s house while he went upstairs to give them to her. We then went back to Saeyoon’s office to meet his friend who was coming to tune a piano. Boy, this sure was fun.
After that we drove to a park but didn’t get out of the car. We then went to meet some friends of Myung Soo and all went out to dinner. Myung Soo and one of his friends got quite drunk. I just kept wondering why I was there. I was trying to have one of my out of body experiences so I could be elsewhere. After dinner Myung Soo and his friends went off to drink some more and Saeyoon and I drove back to her place. (We were using her car).
I guess it was better than the hospital but not by much. When we got back I sat in the living room just trying to think what I should do. Saeyoon came in and asked me what I was doing and I told her I had some important decisions to make. She said she was going to sleep. I have been trying to talk to her about things for longer than a week but she’s always too tired or too busy. I honestly wonder about her and what she expects. Sometimes relationships are work and sometimes you have to talk about what’s inside your heart. I guess she’s a little too wrapped up in herself sometimes.
Yesterday she told me she hates herself, her father, and a few other things. I offered to hate her too if that would make her feel good and she told me she would understand if I did. How pathetic. I know depression from first hand experience but she seems to have an attitude that let’s her fail because it’s easier to think you’re no good and not try, then to make an effort and risk failure by trying. It is so fucking sad to me.
Today on the phone I told her I wasn’t angry but the time for talking had past. She told me that she wanted someone who was healthy and if I ever went in the hospital again I would get upset again because she would be the same. I don’t understand. If she thinks her behavior was poor towards me when I was in the hospital (she says she does), why would she want to act the same way? It makes no sense.
I repeated to her that I probably wasn’t the one for her if she wanted a really healthy person and she asked me why I said that. She does that. She’ll say something and I’ll repeat it to her and she’ll ask me why I said that. Almost like how could I think such a thing? I know English isn’t her first language and I appreciate that it’s harder for her because we have to communicate in English, but sometimes things just don’t make any sense.
She said she would have think about what I said (which was what she said) and we would talk later. She had to go start working. So, will we talk? No. She went out with her friend tonight. Ordinarily there is nothing wrong with that, but she’s always complaining about how tired she is. She knows we have issues. And yet she cuts and runs. And I can’t be 100% sure, but I believe she will come back drunk. Going out with friends usually means consuming copious amounts of Soju.
Part of me knows it’s hopeless. You can’t change people and you shouldn’t try. I told her today that she has told me she’s selfish, immature, and thoughtless. I told her that maybe it’s time I believed her and stop believing she wasn’t. I know there are people in the world who want to fail because it’s easier. It just hurts to care about someone who is one of them.
It’s not that she doesn’t love me or care about me. I have no doubt she does. She just isn’t capable of the responsibilities that come with a relationship or the extra effort that is sometimes needed. I know that sometimes I’m a handful, but everyone is at times. She told me again today that she appreciates that I’m the only person she’s yelled at who hasn’t left her life. She has lost many friends with her temper. I told that it was because I cared and you have to take the good with the bad if you care about someone. She didn’t really understand what I meant. Talking in person is much easier than talking on the phone.
Enough of my “love life” issues. In a way it’s like being a kid but I know so much more now that it’s frustrating at times with someone who knows so little.
I had a promise of a job starting June 1st at a City Hall in a suburb of Seoul working from 11AM to 7PM. I agreed to it as 7PM is within my “quitting time” parameters. In fact, 7 is the latest. I hate working nights. I would much prefer to work daytime hours starting at 8 or 9. Getting a job working nights in Korea is the easiest thing to do, but I am picky. I know it and admit it and don’t apologize for it. If your job is going to make you unhappy, then don’t take the job.
I went to sign my contract today for this job and happened to notice the teaching schedule. It went to 8PM and not 7PM. I asked about this and Ellie (at the agency) said, “oh yes, City Hall changed the schedule”. I’m glad I noticed. I told her I couldn’t take the job. I didn’t want to finish at 8PM. I know a lot of Koreans work late, but I do have a choice and I don’t want to make the wrong choice starting out. I have made enough wrong choices as we all know.
I asked if there were any other jobs and there was only one other, working at a middle school in a city she said was 2 hours outside of Seoul (Yangpyeong). I said no and goodbye and went to the elevator to leave.
Before I got on the elevator the manager (or Director Kim as he introduced himself) came out into the hall and asked me if I would come back in. He told me they had a teacher (they run “after school” programs in public schools) who only he knew had expressed a desire to leave soon. He asked me if I would be interested in this position if it was available. I told him, “maybe”. He said he was going to Suwon (the place where the school was) to talk to him and would I like to come. I told him no as it would bring me back to Bucheon at rush hour and I wanted to avoid that. I don’t know why he wouldn’t check things out on his own and then call me.
At the present time I have to be out of the country by May 29th. The middle school in Paju never cancelled my visa which I thought they did. I thought I was here on a 6 month tourist visa working illegally. It seems I’m on an E-2 visa working illegally. So to stay I need a job right away. And I’m picky. What a combo!
Director Kim asked if he could call me around May 26th and if the job was there offer it to me. I told him that I had to be out of Korea by May 29th so the 26th was no good. He realized that and asked if he could call me in the next few days. I told him to please do.
I left there and started driving back to Gaebong (where Saeyoon lives). I called Kyle to share with him the humor of how the job hours changed as he knows first hands how I hate working nights. Kyle and I seem to talk more easily know since I ripped him off last week. We had a verbal agreement for him to buy my car. He had knocked $200 a month off the rent as partial payment for the car and was to give me an additional $500. He had “paid” $800 so far. On Friday I told him I was keeping the car. I told him he had never paid me on time, changed my salary during the run of the contract, and asked me to trust him which I stupidly did and found myself without work. I told him there should be consequences for things like he did and I didn’t feel bad about what I was doing. I told him I knew I was wrong (2 wrongs don’t make a right) but I was still doing it. He took it quite well and our conversations seem friendlier know. Maybe it helps him to only deal with assholes like himself.
I told him about the job in Yangpeong (middle school 2 hours outside Seoul) and he said that he had just gone to Yangpeong yesterday with his family. He said it’s beautiful, the people are nice, and the air is clean. He said it was about 40 minutes by car from Seoul. Since he’s not to be trusted I’d say it’s somewhere between 40 minutes and 2 hours from Seoul. I will believe him on the air and the scenery because why would his family drive there if it wasn’t nice?
After speaking with him I called the agency back and told them I’d be interested in working in Yangpyeong. Why would I move so far from the city and Saeyoon? One of the reasons is the air and living in a nice clean place. Another reason is I have too hard a time “leaving” Saeyoon. I see her and just melt or “fold like a cheap suitcase”. If I move myself far away we would either die a natural death or she would make more of an effort. So I’m waiting to hear back on this job.
When I got back to Saeyoon’s place, no one was here. Her mother had gone out and they have given me a spare set of keys. The 90 minutes before she returned was the first time I’ve been totally alone in 4 weeks (not counting her dog). It was so nice. I sent out some resumes to 3 agencies that seemed to represent some jobs I’d be interested in. All 3 have phoned me back and we have discussed things. 2 of them have high school jobs out of the city that are looking for someone to start right away. I said I’m interested so I hope to hear something positive tomorrow. One problem I might have is the “criminal check” that seems to be required now for public school positions. If they have to wait on that before I can start, it’s a no go. It is going to take too long.
A 3rd place called me back and they have an “after school” program that they run in Ilsan at their City Hall. Ilsan is a nice city (has a Starbucks) that was close to Paju so I’m a little familiar with it. It’s on the Seoul subway line. My friend Yoon Soo lives there. The job is from 1PM to 7PM so the hours are acceptable. They want to hire me (not too much of an interview process here) and we are talking about terms. I would rather work at a high school but I’ll show interest in this in case nothing else pans out.
Part of me wants to leave Korea. I want to be closer to family. But I’ve been a fool and saved no money and can’t go back with nothing. I’d have to live in my mother’s 1-bedroom apartment and worry about finding work. I love my mother but I think after 1 week it could get uncomfortable. And I don’t want to sponge coffee money from her. Sometimes I think, what the hell, just do it. Things usually work out. But the having no money is influencing my decision.
It was kind of cute/uncomfortable here for me a little while ago. At 6PM Saeyoon’s mom (I don’t know her name) said, “Martin, dinner”. She doesn’t speak much English. I was not hungry and she didn’t ask me if I wanted to eat but had just gone ahead and made dinner. Her parents are so nice to me. She made me a salad and some meat with watermelon for dessert. The meat was making me ill so I tried to explain to her that I couldn’t eat it. The dinner table conversation was non-existent because of the language barrier. I’d love to talk to her and learn more about her.
Her mother makes me sad. Her parents are separated and her mother has the saddest eyes. I don’t think she does much but go to church (a religious Catholic). She watches TV every night lying on a bedroll on the floor of her bedroom. She falls asleep with the TV on. When I see her I just feel like I wish I could make her smile. She just seems to have no life.
I told Saeyoon that her mother is pretty and has a good figure, which she is and does. I told her that she should divorce her husband and get a new man. I’m learning that Saeyoon repeats everything I say. She told her mother what I said and her mother said she can’t find a new man, she’s still married. I was worried things would be awkward afterwards but it’s all been fine. I will have to tell Saeyoon what is and isn’t for public consumption.
When we were at dinner last night with her dad, her father invited me to go away for a few days with him. He wants to take me to the shore and clean air for a few days. I shouldn’t worry about money as he’d take care of everything. What is with these people? I just don’t understand such kindness.
I don’t want to go with him. I’ve just spent almost 4 weeks seeing him for several hours a day. I need a break from him, as nice as he’s been. And he smokes like a chimney and drinks too much. The smoking would bother me, I’m not drinking until I’m 100% healed, and I have no idea if we’d be sharing a room. I told Saeyoon my dilemma and not to repeat what I said to her father. She told me when her father first mentioned it to her, she told him she thought it was a good idea. I asked her if she understood what I said and she said yes. I said I didn’t want to offend him and what could I say. She said she didn’t know so I’m on my own for this one. At dinner last night I told him that I couldn’t walk much (doctor says I’m to not walk too much or drink much water until healed). He said we’d be driving and not to worry about walking. I think we left it to I should ask my doctor on Wednesday if it’s alright if I go. It’s an out, but I hate lying. It’s just so weird to be with him so much. I really don’t know what her parents think about me. Maybe they just feel bad for me because I’m alone. And what will they think if Saeyoon and I break up? Ah hell, I hate this.
I’m on page 7 in my Word program. I guess I have a lot stored up after not writing for a while. I know I left some things out of my hospital sojourn post. I will see Eun Jeong who was the young woman in the room next to me in the hospital. We both have doctor’s appointments on Wednesday. She has messaged me to see how I am and I’m sure if I’m here we will remain friends. She came to visit me on Friday because she was having a doctor’s appointment and blood tests. She brought food. Her mother made breakfast for us. She tells me her mother is worried about me. She is a nice woman (who stayed at the hospital with Eun Jeong) who doesn’t speak English at all. Another person I wish I could talk to. Eun Jeong’s sister came Thursday night on her own (with unsalted French fries) to visit me and stayed a couple of hours struggling with her English. This is part of the reason I am here. People are just so nice. They don’t want anything, there is no angle they are playing, they are just warm at heart. I think they feel a bit bad for me being alone here, and some enjoy practicing their English, but I believe they are nice because they have good hearts.
I just wanted to give Eun Jeong and her family a bigger mention than yesterday because they are worth remembering and I know one day in the distant future I’ll be reading this blog and wondering just what the fuck I was doing.
That’s it for now. It’s 9:05PM. Saeyoon’s mother is in her room watching TV (too loudly), Saeyoon is out, and I’m here in the living typing away. Just another family night in Korea.
