SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER TO ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE

But before I do that let’s take care of the mundane and partially annoying.

I never had an interview with the high school principal in Bucheon. Why? I don’t know. Kyle says he cancelled because he had to go out and when I asked him if he rescheduled, Kyle told me he didn’t know my schedule. He does. It was a lie. I have no idea what game he is trying to play with me but I don’t particularly like it.

My local doctor now says I don’t have pneumonia but bronchitis. Again. I am feeling a little better so that’s good. It’s been a week of feeling lousy and I’m still not 100%. He sent me to a radiologist for a through chest x-ray and he told me that he thinks I had some kind of lung ailment in my past. That was news to me.

I was so miserable on Wednesday. I was feeling sorry for myself and didn’t want to talk to anyone. I ate alone (as usual) at Friday’s because the one Korean restaurant that looked like it had something I wanted (barbeque chicken) had no tables. So I had dinner with my book. Saeyoon called and I wouldn’t answer the phone. She then called my room a few times and I wouldn’t answer. I did send her a message telling her that I had nothing intelligent to say to anyone and she replied asking me to please answer my phone and talk to her. So I did. It was probably the smartest thing I did all day because we just talked and at the end of the conversation even though I wasn’t feeling exactly happy, I was feeling much better and not so sorry for myself. I’m glad she was persistent.

I was supposed to go twice this week to get my fingerprints done for my criminal check. A person at the employment agency knows a policeman who will help but both times the policeman has been called out. We will try again tomorrow. I hope it comes off because I need them ASAP.

Today was payday and never having been paid on time except when I worked at a public school I wasn’t expecting to be paid. I sent a message to a person at the agency saying, “I get paid today, correct”? I got no reply. However, when I got in tonight and checked my account I was paid. So for the first time ever I was paid by a private company on time. Amazing. And it’s pathetic that it should be amazing.

I survived another week of working with elementary kids. Most of the kids are nice but the ones who are annoying are quite annoying. Yesterday I walked out of class with 10 minutes to go because they were too noisy. I told them that I was leaving and they were staying in the room. I sat outside the room and the one time they opened the door I used my strictest voice to tell them to shut the door and get back inside. When I went back to dismiss them after there were plenty of apologies. But apologies in Korea are meaningless, especially from the students so I just ignore them.

As is quite obvious from my writing sometimes it’s a mystery to me (and others) why I am here in Korea. Yesterday I had 3 wonderful things happen to me (2 small and 1 big) that just filled my heart. It’s important that I remember these things because they just make me feel so good and that I am communicating with people here in this foreign land.

The kids I teach are from the ages of 6 to 10. There is one girl (about 10) who every time she sees me strokes my arm hair and my beard. It makes me feel good that this child feels so comfortable and safe with me that she can do that. I’m touched by this non-verbal communication and that children see me as a good person and one they are at ease with.

Between classes yesterday I was sitting on a bench. Another girl student (also 10) sat beside me, put her arm in mine, and put her head on my shoulder. I can’t adequately describe how good it made me feel. I must have some kind of safe aura I let off. I’m glad that most of the kids pick up on the fact that I like them as people.

The big thing was dinner last night. I went out with my adult students to a Korean restaurant. We had bulgogi (a beef dish) which is delicious. I had a fantastic time. These people all like me and respect me. I find it hard to believe. I’m so flattered that they have made me feel so good and have told stories about their lives to me in a very difficult language for them. Of course as the teacher, I don’t have to pay for anything and I get served first. The older generation has a respect for teachers and even though I don’t consider myself a teacher, I like how they treat me. I like everyone in the class (which is almost impossible to believe) and I can’t explain how good their warmth towards me makes me feel.

This term ends at the end of April and they keep asking me if I’m teaching next semester. I guess I should find out and let them know. I want to do it again as it’s an opportunity to speak English with many Korean adults and discuss things like abortion and euthanasia and so on. These are topics that these people don’t even discuss in Korean but I make them give their opinions in English. My main goal is to just give them some confidence in speaking. I tell them it doesn’t matter that their grammar is bad, they still need to not be afraid and to speak. And if they talk English to a foreigner and the foreigner doesn’t understand them, then it’s the foreigner’s fault because they are not listening well enough. I can understand them so anyone who cares to listen and has the patience should understand them too.

These bits of non-verbal communication I have with kids, and the mutual respect and kindness with my adult students are things I would have never experienced in North America. It’s very lonely here for me at times, sometimes unbearably so. But there are good experiences that enrich me. Of course it’s easier to complain and write about the negative but the positive things that happen to me are extremely satisfying and gratifying.

I have a girlfriend (a little crazy) who I care for and who cares for me. We don’t see each other enough but it’s good to care for someone and know they care for you. I have lots of contact with children which I believe is a good thing. Kids are fun and strange and inhabit some lost planet. That so many of them are willing to try and make me welcome in their world is a thrill. I’ve come in contact with so many good and kind people here (the ones I don’t work for). I’ve had things happen to me that I never would have imagined in a million years. I know some of it is because I’m the white guy. But I like to think that some of it is because people can see that I’m a good person.

Yes, I do feel like Sally Field at the Oscar’s sometimes. “You like me. You really like me”.

WHAT A DRAG IT IS GETTING SICK

I am so sick of being sick. Now I’m coughing all the time, my head is killing me, my body is sore, I’m worn down, and I’m tired of it. Maybe I should just bag it and say the air is killing me. Would that be an exaggeration? Perhaps not. On Saturday I had the intravenous drip for 90 minutes. Saeyoon came for part of the time and the doctor talked to her more than me. I think she was asking him about my diabetes. I’m not sure she believes me that it’s under control and not a problem. It was actually nice that she came but she had to go while I was lying there being dripped into.

That was all I saw of her on the weekend. She had her temple stay on Saturday and all phones had to be off. Good for them. However, I can’t imagine a Korean with a turned off cell phone. I would think they would spontaneously combust. On Sunday she felt sick and played dead in bed. I understand not feeling well but since I was going to take my laundry over there, it wasn’t nice of her to just forget about it. I took it to a laundry place on Monday morning and it’s going to cost me $25. I would rather her mother washed it but I couldn’t wait any longer.

On Friday night Kyle called me and I didn’t answer because I wasn’t in the mood to deal with him. He kept calling and calling and I didn’t answer. He then sent me a message saying I had a serious problem. Of course I was now interested so the next time he called, I answered. He said that the job in Inchon (which they said was on hold for me) was not my job. The agency wanted me to work for them in their after school program so they were just stringing me along so I would have to take their job. He said the same person who told me the job was being held, told him that the job was not going to me. Who to believe?

I don’t trust anyone here anymore when it comes to jobs and work. This seems to be a country of no honor. A person’s word isn’t worth your spit. The agency I am working for temporarily didn’t pay me on Friday as promised and asked me if Monday would be okay. I said yes, but be sure it’s there. On Monday morning I went to their office and told them face to face that they lied to me and it was wrong as I went to work with no problems and the school was happy with what I was doing. I also told them I wanted my pay up until the end of that Monday in the afternoon or I wouldn’t be going back to the school. Believe it or not, they paid me in full Monday afternoon. I know what you have to do is when it’s one day late; don’t go to work. The school suffers more by your not being there than they do by not paying me. So that’s the new way I shall do things. Pay me dough or I don’t show.

Kyle tells me on Friday night that he has a job for me in Bucheon at a high school and do I want to meet the principal? Of course I said yes. He then tells me that I will have an interview Tuesday or Wednesday and he’s 90% sure the job is mine. But we all know that it’s just as easy for him to lie, as it is for him to breath. He said if I took the job, I would have to disappear from the school I am now at until my new job starts because taking a job one place while working somewhere else isn’t done. Something doesn’t sound kosher to me. He said he would pay for me to stay in a motel and he would give me work until the new job started. He also said I should change my phone number. I said yes to everything because I want the interview. If I get the job I will stay at my temporary job until the new one starts. These people are crazy.

In Kyle’s favor, he called me on Saturday to see how I was and if I needed anything. That was very nice and I said no. Then I told him (since he wanted to talk to me) that I would meet him at Pizza Hut since I needed to eat. I ate and he talked. He said we had an appointment with the principal on Monday evening.

Except for my foray to the doctor and Pizza Hut, I stayed in my room on Saturday feeling awful. Sunday was another day in my room. I know it was what I should do, but it was pretty boring and awful and lonely. I think I went to Starbucks in the morning for coffee and a bagel, and to McDonalds at night for dinner. Having to eat out all the time in a country where you don’t care for the food is a pain.

I went to work yesterday and today and felt pretty bad but in Korea you only miss work if you have a hangover. I still like the kids. They make me smile and overall they are a well behaved group. I will know that I need to leave Korea when a child comes up to me to say hello and I say (or think), “fuck you and get away from me”. I still enjoy being approached by them, having my arm hair touched by them, my beard touched, and even my bald head rubbed. It’s a form of communication and bonding.

Of course my meeting on Monday night never happened. I don’t know if the principal screwed it up or Kyle was just lying again. I can’t figure what he has to gain from lying to me but you never know. The interview is supposed to be at 11AM tomorrow morning at the high school. We shall see. If it comes off and the job is offered, I’ll take it. I’d rather live in Bucheon than Inchon as it’s closer to Saeyoon. I also feel almost comfortable in knowing my way around here.

My term with my adults is almost at an end. Some of them ask me if I am teaching again with the new class in May. I tell them I don’t know but I want to. My ophthalmologist pal told me that if I am teaching, he’s signing up. If I don’t teach he won’t sign up but wants me to tutor him. I told him I won’t tutor him but we can be friends and get together. I wouldn’t feel comfortable taking money from him and I would like to be his friend. Tonight I learned that his wife is an assistant professor of English Literature at a university in Seoul. I told him that I would like to go out with him and his wife and my girlfriend. They can talk Korean and I can talk English. It would be nice to leave that class with a friend or two.

On Thursday night the class is going out for dinner. Once again they said “Pizza Hut” and I said no. Everyone knows I’m not crazy about Korean food but I can always find something to eat. It’s sweet that they want me to be happy but I’d be happier going to a place that everyone liked and not being forced (although some do like it) to eat Pizza Hut.

So that’s the news up to the moment. I’m sick. Still. I have a high school job interview tomorrow. Maybe. I still live in a love motel. Yesterday as I was coming back I saw 2 men and one woman enter the motel together. I was shocked. How do you say ménage a trois in Korean?

IF I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING, I’D BE DANGEROUS

So it’s now Friday night and I sit here alone in my room in the “love motel”. Living in a motel and being sick is no fun. Wednesday night I lost my voice. Thursday night I had the chills so bad I trembled violently for about 1 hour. So today I went to the doctor. He thinks it’s probably pneumonia. The air in Korea is great! I’m sure I’ve mentioned that. The doctor gave me two injections, one an antibiotic and the other an analgesic. Of course I still had to work today because that’s what you do in Korea. You go to work even if you’re sick. Actually, if I had a full time job I would have called in sick but since it’s just a temporary job I can’t afford to skip a day.

Tomorrow morning I will return to the doctor for an intravenous fill-up of antibiotics. He also thinks I have a lung problem but I couldn’t really understand what he was trying to say. He’s a nice guy and he tries though. (He is not my regular doctor who speaks English, just one I go to locally for the quick fix.)

I survived the week at the school. Some of the kids are so cute. I had one girl today come up to me after class and give me a hug and tell me she loved me. I have another girl (they are about 10 years old) give me massages the last 2 days. I didn’t ask, she just does it when I’m sitting on my desk between classes. And she’s good. The kids love to touch the hair on my arms. So being with elementary kids isn’t always a bad thing.

On Tuesday the principal asked me personally to come and work at his school as a regular school teacher. I declined the invitation but was flattered by it.

On Wednesday evening Saeyoon came to visit and we went to this little Korean noodle restaurant. A white guy came in and sat at a table alone and we were trying to guess where he was from. Saeyoon said she would go ask him and she did. He was a man from Turkey who has been living in Korea for 4 years and who can speak good Korean (according to Saeyoon). We moved to his table and had dinner together. He was so polite. He kept calling me “Mr. Martin”. Most of the conversation was between him and Saeyoon in Korean which was fine with me since my voice was gone. It’s amazing the kind of people you can run in to. He and Saeyoon exchanged phone numbers and perhaps we will go out for Turkish food together in Seoul one night. (Yes, there are Turkish restaurants).

I had my interview for the high school job yesterday and it was pretty much a waste of time. They want all my paperwork before they will sign a contract. One of the things I must have is a criminal check. It seems that a few foreigners who have worked as English teachers had criminal records. The newspapers and TV news got the story and the Education Departments was quite embarrassed. You can’t blame them for wanting to be more careful but getting this will be a pain. I need to get fingerprints, send them to the RCMP and then they can do the check. Because mail is so slow I will need to use couriers which aren’t cheap. But I was told they are holding the job for me, so it will be worth it (I hope). Why should I think a high school job will work out any better than my 3 other jobs?

Actually, even though I’m told they are holding the job doesn’t mean they are holding the job. My trust level for Korean employers is nil. They lie so easily. It was the recruiting agency who told me they are holding the job (and they are the people I’m doing the temporary job for) and I’m sure they are liars too. I was told I would be paid on Fridays so when I called to check about my pay today I was told it would be in the bank on Monday. In Gwangyang I was never paid on time. Kyle never paid me on time. Only when I worked at a public school in Paju was I paid on time. So in Korea, government jobs are best.

I’m not looking forward to this weekend. Saturday I have nothing to do and I should probably stay in. But staying in, in the love motel is not an appealing idea. Saeyoon is going to a Buddhist temple on Saturday and sleeping over as part of her class. It sounds interesting. She is coming to the doctor with me tomorrow as it makes her feel like she’s doing something for me. Yes, she has anger management problems but I see her as a good person. No one is perfect. She felt pretty sick about how she behaved Sunday night with her temper tantrum, but I don’t know how many of these episodes I can take. I’ve been good at letting them go because I hate fighting (I have changed) but I’m worried that she will cross the line one time too many. And as someone once said, “sometimes love isn’t enough”.

On Tuesday morning I asked the front desk person at the motel (who speaks a little English) if there was a place I could get my laundry done close by. He walked me down the street and we went into a tiny laundry. I don’t think they have Laundromats here in Korea. The price was obscene and I said I wouldn’t do it. We came back to the motel and he said they have a washing machine upstairs and he would have it done for me. I thanked him and then went out for the day and to work. When I came back in the evening he told me the washing machine was broken and he took my laundry to his house to do. He said it was his “duty”. I felt terrible. He shouldn’t be doing my laundry. When I told Saeyoon she said I could bring my laundry to her house. She volunteered her mother for doing it. I am going to take her up on that but I really wish there was a coin laundry and I could just do it myself.

My temporary job has been extended to 3 weeks which is fine since I think it will take a while to get my criminal check done. It means living in the love motel for another week. Sometimes I wonder what I’m doing. I’m out my bonus which I wanted and was willing to stick out a year with Kyle for. I’m out my plane fare back to North America. I’m still planning on returning in October or November (even though I’ll sign another 1 year contract). Sometimes I think it’s good here and interesting and fun. Sometimes it’s just so lonely. I know the reason I stay is basically because of Saeyoon. She says I could go back to Canada now and she would come in November. We could have a long distance Internet chatting, email, and telephone relationship for several months. I don’t want that. I’d rather stay here with her and play the string out. Will she come back with me? Sometimes I’m sure that she will and other times I have strong doubts. The only way to know for sure is to just not worry about it and let things happen.

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

What can I say? I can’t hold a job it seems. I keep making bad choices for the places to work. Of course, if I needed to support a family I would have no choice but to put up with crap. That’s reality. But I only have myself to feed so it does enable me a little freedom. I don’t consciously (I think) choose the wrong places to work. They do sound good at the time. However, like any place in the world there are good and honest and trustworthy people, and then there are those who are not.

Last Monday Kyle told me that the kindergarten I go to 3 times a week doesn’t want me anymore. Of course, I told him on my first day there I would fail. I am in the room with 3 or 4 or 5 year olds by myself. If there is a Korean with me I have no problem because they keep the kids quiet. I can’t do that. They don’t understand me so I’m just a joke. Having a 40 minute English class with 3 year olds is absurd. They need a babysitter or a real kindergarten teacher. They would be fine with a Korean-American who spoke both languages but sorry, I’m English only.

Kyle said he wasn’t surprised because he knows someone who only speaks English will fail alone in a kindergarten class. Then, why was I there? Who knows or even cares. So Kyle told me he couldn’t afford to keep me because I don’t seem to handle kindergarten kids or elementary students on my own. I agree with that. He said that last Friday was my last day but he knew of 3 “for sure” jobs I could choose from. He also does recruiting on the side.

One was teaching in a kindergarten but in English. It’s an immersion school. But when he talked to the owner, the owner said I was too old. I understand the reluctance to hire a kindergarten teacher over 50. But I would think that 50 is just a number and that they should meet the person. Oh well.

One was a job after school teaching elementary kids but I wasn’t interested. The 3rd was my choice of 2 girl’s only middle schools or a high school in Inchon. Inchon isn’t far and it’s on the Seoul subway line. The idea of trying high school appeals to me as there is a chance for conversation with some of the kids. This is a high school for kids who will go to University (they have high schools for kids who won’t make it to University) so it did sound appealing.

The reality turned out to be that the high school job wouldn’t be for a few weeks and it wasn’t mine for sure. I have to go for an interview. However, the agency he deals with needs someone to work in an after school program (1PM to 6PM) for the next few weeks. The money is good for 5 hours work a day and they are paying for my hotel. Living in a motel isn’t great, but it’s a paying job which I need. I am staying in a motel in Bucheon (where I lived) and working in Gimpo which is about a 25 minute drive. I could have stayed in Gimpo but it’s not on a subway line so I’m driving. Kyle also let me take over the adult class I enjoy so I work Tuesday and Thursday nights (in Gimpo) and get the full fee for that.

He’s still an untrustworthy ass but until I’m settled I will be nice. He thinks he’s buying my car after I get my new apartment since he’s paid some money for it, but I will be a dishonest piece of scum (just blending in here) and I am keeping the car. He’s screwed me over too many times so I don’t really feel bad about reneging on our deal. He’s reneged and lied so many times that I really won’t feel any guilt.

The agency that put me in the after school program wanted me to work for them full time. The hours are great (1 to 6), the pay is decent, but I don’t want to deal with elementary kids. I get nothing out of it. I can’t converse with them. It’s not all bad. There is some fun sometimes but it’s not enough.

Today was my first day there and the kids were surprisingly good. The principal wanted me to appear at a teacher’s meeting at 4PM to introduce me to the staff. Why? I don’t know as I’ll only be there for 2 weeks but I guess he wants to show off the prized “foreigner”. The principal also called the agency and said he wants me there full time as the kids and all the teacher’s loved me. But no thank you. I won’t live off the subway line and I know after a few weeks the elementary kids will make me nuts.

I have an interview for the high school job in Inchon on Thursday and I don’t foresee any problem with that. Kyle says he knows of a high school job in Bucheon starting May 1st so if the Inchon thing doesn’t work out maybe there is something else. If I’m desperate I can work the after school program in another town (like Bucheon or Inchon) and be on the subway line. Everyone needs teachers.

I do question my ability to get along with senior staff at schools. It’s just too hard for me to smile and bow and scrape like most Korean teachers. I know they do it because they need the job. I spent too many years working for a piece of scum to want to do that again. So why don’t I come back to North America? Good question. I’m afraid of looking for a job (just honest) and the plan was to stay here until November and go to Canada with Saeyoon.

At the moment I’m having doubts about that too. Everything was going very nicely. I even met her mother yesterday (finally). But when I came back to my motel I locked my key in the car for the 2nd time in 2 months. When I told her she flipped out. I have no idea why. I just thought that I was stupid and it was funny. She was yelling and screaming and being abusive. She even sent me a text message calling me a “stupid idiot white fucking English teacher”. I was hurt. I don’t want to be abused. She goes and says she’s “crazy” and can say whatever crazy things she wants, but I don’t agree. She’s been quite even tempered for a few months so this was out of the blue. As much as I feel for her, I’m not sure I want these sort of things to happen to me. It’s easy to love someone who is perfect; you need to love someone in spite of their faults. But I know there is a line somewhere and at the moment (this is 1 day later) I’m still in shock and still upset by the episode. I’ve done some pretty horrible things in my life, but I’ve never have gone crazy like that. It’s just too out of control and too hurtful. You don’t talk like that to people you supposedly love, especially about locking their keys in the car.

So I’m feeling a little down at the moment. When people ask me how long I am planning in staying in Korea I tell them it’s a day by day thing. I enjoy meeting new people and I enjoy talking to Koreans (who can speak some English) as I get to learn. On Saturday night Saeyoon and I went to hear a choir perform (she knows one of the people in the choir) and it was quite good. They did quite a few English songs but I think until they can pronounce the words properly they should stick to Korean songs The was one Korean song I really enjoyed and they did some English song (can’t remember the name) acapella and it was really quite excellent and enjoyable.

After the concert we went to visit Chang Ho (who was at my apartment a few weeks ago) and some of his band members. They were at their practice place and Chang Ho was quite drunk by the time we got there. I drank a lot of Soju and was feeling no pain. At about 3AM we sent to a singing room. That’s a place with a lot of small rooms for friends to gather and sing from the karaoke machine. It was a lot of fun. They had a good selection of Korean and English songs so I got to sing things like “Blowing in the Wind”, “Puff the Magic Dragon”, “Leaving on A Jet Plane”, “Yesterday”, “Staying Alive” and “Karma Chameleon”. It was a real hoot.

Yesterday I moved. Most of my stuff is at Saeyoon’s as she offered to hold it for me. That gave me the chance to meet the mother. She was friendly but speaks no English. She did actually say “Thank you” to me when Saeyoon told her that I said she was quite cute when she smiled. I am such a charmer but she really did have a lovely smile. She fed us (I survived Korean food) and then she wasn’t feeling well so she went in her room. Saeyoon and I sat in the living room and just talked. I felt so good and comfortable. It was so normal to be at her place just visiting. That’s why her outburst later shocked me so. We had bonded in a new way and then she just took it and spat all over it. Confused? I am.

So I have my Gimpo jobs for now and I have my high school interview on Thursday. Living in a motel room sucks. This is a “love motel”. You rent by the night or the hour. They’re quite common in Korea. I walked past one tonight and the a sign in English said, “Business Relax and Love Place”. When I was alone in my apartment it was fine as there was room to move around and I had a certain comfort level. This is a small room that I really don’t like being in by myself. Tuesday and Thursday will be fine because I work at night. As for the other days I’m not sure what I’ll do, if anything. And if that doesn’t tell me something then I am a bigger “stupid idiot white fucking school teacher” than even she thinks.