THESE ARE NOT THE KIND OF THINGS THAT I LIKE TO HEAR

Mangi (science teacher who speaks English) just came into my classroom/office to give me what I think is bad news. It seems he’s not a real teacher. He’s taught in academies but he doesn’t have the teaching certificate so he’s just a contract teacher and today is his last day. His contract was only for the 1st semester and he’s moving to a different school for the 2nd semester. I told him how sad I was (and I meant it) that he was going and he said he was only going down the road to the middle school there. It’s not the same. I could walk into the teacher’s room and chat with him, or he could come in here and talk. As I told him, I’ll miss him not just because he speaks English, but because I like him as a person. If he was just a jerk who spoke English, I wouldn’t be talking to him much.

He told me not to miss him (I might have embarrassed him) as he’ll just be down the road. However, it’s not the same. Who knows if we’ll ever see each other again. I told him he’s a lousy friend because he’s never called me to go out, but maybe he will now. I’ve learned over the month’s that his English isn’t as good as I thought it was as I will say things and he’s answers to something totally different than I meant. But he’s a good man I think and was one of my bright spots here.

I know that he doesn’t think much of the vice-principal and principal here, but he told me he thinks the principal here is smarter than the one at the school he’s going to. That’s scary. His new school is about the same size as this one, but he’s heard there is violence among students every day and the kids are worse students than here. It’s unbelievable almost. I thought he was getting a lucky break, but now I don’t know.

A new science teacher will come tomorrow and a new math teacher (the math teacher was under a 1 semester contract and we never spoke). Maybe they’ll be nice people who speak English. Mangi told me at his new school their new foreign English teacher starts tomorrow so maybe he will be a “bridge” between us. I thought before moving to Korea that I really didn’t want to know any Native English speakers but I was wrong. You need some people to talk to sometimes where you don’t have to explain many things. So maybe there is someone new to be friends with and as always I’m in the market for Korean friends.

Tomorrow night (Friday), John from New Zealand and I will revisit the bar we went to last time. I am looking forward to it. I’m going to invite Sadek (from Toronto) and I think John is inviting another English teacher also from New Zealand. I’m Mr. Social. I am looking forward to those Vodka and Lime Juice drinks.

I had no classes today as I wrote yesterday. I asked permission and received it to leave school for a couple of hours. I had to pick up my check card at the bank in Ilsan and the bank closes at 4:30 so it would have been too much of a rush to get there. While in Ilsan I poisoned myself with lunch at McDonalds and then a large coffee at Starbucks. What a nice treat on a school day.

Tomorrow is Friday so it looks like I’ve survived another week. I’m not sure what the story is with the new English teacher or if I’ll even be team teaching. Min Kyung came to my lair yesterday and told me a rumor she heard. She was as close to crying as she could have been without actually crying. I’m so glad she didn’t cry. It seems that between the new teacher and her and me team-teaching, they’d each only have 16 classroom hours a week. Some teachers complained that they had to work more hours than her and that wasn’t fair. I miss out on this petty crap by not speaking Korean. So Min Kyung heard they are going to have her teach Chinese characters. I said, “Do you know Chinese characters?” She told me no. She is always uptight and this will set her over the edge. That would be like asking me to teach Korean. Okay, maybe not as bad, but stupid. She’s an English teacher. They need to do the team teaching as it’ s the best way to help the kids. Of course, as I’ve learned, the student’s interests don’t always come first.

I’m tired. I haven’t had too much sleep the last 2 nights. I have to be careful to not burn the candle at both ends. I don’t think I’ve spent a continuous 24 hour period in my apartment for a long time. I have school Monday to Friday, I go out a couple of nights a week, I’m out on Saturday and at least Sunday night (which is turning into my Yoon Soo coffee night) so I suppose I can’t complain. I haven’t felt like I wish I could just sit at home and veg for a complete day. Oh well, that’s what happens when you’re a social butterfly.

I was just about to hit the publish button on this post when Min Kyung comes into my room once more today. It was about 3:30 and I leave at 4. We talked until 4:30. Once again she was on the verge of tears. Once again she came as close to crying without crying as you can get. This is 2 days in a row and this isn't good. I know we haven't been the best of friends but I think I underestimated how under pressure she is, and how unhappy she is at this school. If I'm to believe what she tells me, and I do believe it, then she has all my sympathy. Obviously I'm the only person at the school she can talk to. It must be that I'm the foreigner so I don't gossip (wish I could) and when it comes to how one feels, a foreigner is more accepting of understanding someone else's feelings than a Korean.

I'm glad she has at least me to talk to. If it helps her then I can do it. I don't imagine we'll fall in love but my resentment is gone and I'm developing an understanding of her and her situation. I think she's starting to see me in a different light too, which is good.

Today she was extremely upset with the vice-principal and a couple of the teachers. All is not paradise at Duil Middle School. Min Kyung is the youngest teacher at the school and even though she has 6 years teaching experience she gets no respect, the crap jobs fall to her, and when she has a suggestion to make about the English program, the bosses don't want to hear it and don't care. According to her the vice-principal told her today that she just doesn't want to work hard. Now I see this woman every day. She's either in class, running around doing something for the school, or doing some asinine paper work. She tells me that some nights she works until 10PM and I see no reason to doubt her.

She doesn’t know what to do except just take it, because that’s the Korean way. I asked her if she could ask for a transfer to another school and she said if she did that during her first year at a new school she’d get a black mark against her. The school board would just assume bad things about her. I told her I wished I could offer her some advice and she told me she wasn’t looking for any. She just wanted to vent. She didn’t want to be in the teacher’s room and she told me she was jealous of me because I have my own room and don’t have to be in there.

It’s kind of funny because she always thought that all I did was complain about Korea and Korean schools and here she is complaining. Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think? I don’t get any pleasure out of the hard time she’s having. She said the school she came from was a well-organized school and she enjoyed teaching there. She told me to not think that this is a good example of a typical Korean school. I told her I didn’t and I thought it was obvious that it’s poorly run. She seemed surprised that I said that because I don’t speak Korean so how can I know what’s going on. I just told her some things are quite obvious and I gave her a few examples.

She asked me if I was going to the “party” after school and I said “what party?” She was surprised no one told me but they were going out for dinner because of Mangi and the math teacher leaving. I told her that I was not going because I was tired. I told her I needed 72 hours advance warning of anything they want me to do. I don’t know if she got that joke. I asked if it would seem disrespectful if I didn’t go and she said no. She said she’d tell the vice-principal that I had an appointment already. (If you have anything scheduled, even a date, it’s an appointment).

She said she definitely didn’t want to go, but it would look bad if she didn’t so she had to. I told her what the kids sometimes tell me when I seem down and that’s “be strong”. She was sort of smiling when she left my room and I was glad. I’m a little worried about her. If you’re not happy in your job, it’s hard to do a good job. She said where in past years she did a lot of class planning for games and other things, she just does the textbook this year because she has no time for class planning. I think if she had the money, she’d quit. I’m telling you, these idiots (principal and vice-principal) are so fucking clueless. They have no idea what the level of the students at the school is (very low) and they’re concerned with the kids getting top scores on their high school entrance exams. It’s not going to happen. The bosses figure if they make the school day longer and keep the kids in the classroom, they’ll just get better. It’s not going to happen. Min Kyung said they just want programs for the better students so they’ll do well and make the bosses look good. However, the good students are less than 10% of the student population. The other 90% are bad students because the teachers don’t work hard enough according to the bosses. What a nuthouse.

Who knows what will happen and what the reality will be. I only know that the teacher’s aren’t consulted on how to teach the kids. I know they’ve increased the school hours. I know that if there is one extremely unhappy teacher there must be more. I’d like to go to another school myself but I don’t think that’s possible. If I quit I don’t think I could get another job in a public school so it would have to be an academy and been there, done that.

While she was telling me how she was feeling she was searching for a word. She didn’t know it in English so I gave her my electronic dictionary and she found it. It was “chagrin”. I’ve never heard anyone say it. I’ve read it in books but I never heard anyone say they felt chagrin. Hell, I wasn’t even sure of the exact definition. So for those of you who don’t know the true definition here it is. “A keen feeling of mental unease, as of annoyance or embarrassment, caused by failure, disappointment, or a disconcerting event:” That’s not good.

At least I know it’s not me and I’m not just a complainer. Sometimes when someone yells “the sky is falling”, it really is falling.

HELP! I’M TURNING INTO A KOREAN TEACHER

Discipline has entered my classroom. I can’t tell you what a waste of time and energy it is to have to do this but some kids just won’t shut up. I give them the talks on how they need English to go to University and how they will end up as garbage men, but it doesn’t help. I don’t lose my temper but I had to do something.

Some kids I make get up and stand at the back of the class. When that fills up I take the new troublemakers and have them stand at the front. Some I make carry their desks out into the hallway and stand there. Some I have sit on the floor. And sometimes I make the standing students hold a chair up. By the end of the class it looks like some kind of comedy film. I’m laughing because these kids look so damn stupid. I waste so much of my time trying to maintain order. Not only does it bug me because it’s such bad manners on their part, but it hurts the students that want to learn because I’m trying to control the ones with no interest.

I won’t hit and I won’t have the kids lie on the floor. That’s a little too Korean for me. But Min Kyung told me I was turning into a Korean teacher. She was quite surprised I was resorting to any form of punishment. I hate doing it. I want to treat everyone like an adult and I can’t seem to accept that they’re not adults. I guess because I was a truly lucky father with 2 better than well-behaved daughters I’ve always expected the same behavior from all kids. Guess what? My daughters were (and still are) very special children and young ladies. They spoiled me. I like that I don’t look down on kids and give them the benefit of the doubt from the get-go, but I sometimes feel betrayed by them because I treat them fairly and with a smile, and they just keep on jabbering and then saying sorry and then jabbering again. It’s just another conundrum I face.

The principal and vice-principal have been meeting for several days now trying to come up with a new plan for the 2nd semester. Using their superior brains they are doing this alone with no input from the teachers. For those of you that don’t know, the teachers are the ones in the classrooms with the kids. But what do they know?

The principal is a first year principal. The vice principal is a first year vice principal. How did they obtain their lofty ranks? Why, the old fashioned Korean way of course. They were gym teachers. Only in Korea. I have never heard of a principal in North America being a former gym teacher. However in Korea they work off a point system. Teachers earn so many points for different things and when you get enough points, up the food chain you go. Gym teachers have an advantage because they get bonus points for winning athletic competitions which of course is the true measure of what makes a good principal.

The teachers had a meeting the other day to be informed of the “bosses” decision. What was funny was that the principal and vice-principal didn’t attend. They just gave the orders to some underling to pass on. What a place.

The teachers I’ve spoken with aren’t happy but they follow orders like the good little soldiers they are. Now all teachers have to be here by 8AM and there is a rotation to man the library until 7PM. I tell you, they are not happy campers and I can’t say I blame them.

So what changes effect yours truly, Mr. Happy Camper? The first is that they are going to do away with my 8AM rotation. I see each class one day for the first period and they just cycle through them. Since there will be 9 classes soon (or more) they figure that once every 2 weeks is no good so they have a plan.

And what have the geniuses of education come up with? Why, closed circuit broadcast lessons. Put me in front of a camera for 40 minutes each morning blabbering on in English while the students sit in their classroom listening. Never mind that most of the class time is spent by me explaining things and trying to make sure as many students as possible understand because we won’t be able to do that. If a student has a question, that’s just too bad. And 40 minutes is forever. But they want the textbook done so they figure I can teach the textbook from in front of a camera being beamed into the classrooms. It’s idiotic.

On a positive note, I’ve heard we’re getting a new English teacher (Korean) in about 2 weeks. Why is this good for me? Because I won’t have solo classes anymore. I’ll co-teach with a Korean. I’ll lead the class but they’ll be 2 of us to help the kids and I’ll have someone there in case something needs to be said in Korean. This I am quite pleased about. I hope it really happens.

I had my first Korean barbeque last night and I must say, I was impressed. It was barbequed chicken and it was of the mild variety. It was so tasty. What was weird is you don’t get a fork and knife as your eating utensils, but you get 2 forks. I can see me eating more of this now that I’ve finally tasted it.

So what else is new here? If I told you, I’d have to kill you and that wouldn’t be so easy seeing that we’re so far apart. I don’t like teaching these kids so much but I’m working hard to not be bothered by it. I work for morons but I’m trying to ignore that. There was no hot water yesterday or today. I had someone from the school call my apartment complex and there was construction going on. They really need to post those notices in English. I eat cheese and an apple for lunch every day. I don’t’ bother going to the lunch room anymore to see what I don’t like. Now that I have my own room to be in all the time, I fall asleep at will. I usually have 3 classes a day and I’m here for 8 hours. That’s a lot of free time. I have no classes tomorrow because they have their monthly test but I have to be here to pick my nose. The idea of running off to China and working at a university sounds better and better everyday but deep down inside I know I’d just be trading one imperfect position for another.

So the Korean gig plays on.

WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW

Is love, sweet love. It’s the only thing that’s there just too little of. I’m not feeling the love in my classroom. I embarrassed the hell out of one girl already this morning. She talked and talked and talked. I tossed the marker for the board to her and said “catch”. She fumbled the catch so I made her pick it up. When she was picking it up I sat in her seat. I then said to her, “go and teach”. She looked puzzled. So I pointed to the front and said, “You’re the English teacher. You can talk as much as you want now. Teach”. I think if she could have killed me then she would have. She just stood there looking stupid. After a minute she apologized which of course means nothing. Apologies in Korea are the cheapest things because everyone apologizes without meaning it. However I let her off the hook and let her sit down.

After class I asked my best student for ideas on how to reach the class. Most of them know nothing and don’t pay attention. He told me I was doing as best as I could (nice kid) and he suggested explaining everything to them in Korean. I told him that was the problem they’ve always had. They never paid attention to the English because the teacher would always give them the answer in Korean. He said he would try and think of something. He lived in Australia for 2 years so his English is good, and he’s mature so I asked him. I’ll take help wherever I can get it and he knows his classmates better than any teacher does.

I had my first two classes with the same class today. It’s deadly having 2 in a row with the same kids. There’s no clock in my room and the bell doesn’t work so I went 15 minutes over in the first class. I thought it only fair if I gave them a 10 minute break to make up for the one they didn’t get. Bad idea. The vice principal was annoyed at me again for doing that. I asked Min Kyung to explain to him that I had gone way over time so that’s why I did what I did. Who knows what she told them. All I can do is try.

I went out to Starbucks last night with Yoon Soo. We sat there for almost 3 1/2 hours chatting. I went through my school problems and my doubts as to whether I could survive the rest of the year. He tells me he thinks I’m a good teacher but how the hell does he know. He knows I have weak students and not the best people like my fellow English teacher and the vice principal and principal. He just said if the kids are happy with me, I’m safe. That one I knew.

I heard back from the Russian resume I sent out. Working in St. Petersberg would be fascinating I’m sure, but the money is only about $600 U.S. a month. So I’m not as tempted as I might have been. The job does include an apartment with 2 bedrooms and a piano in the living room. Apparently the landlady and her daughter can come in and use the piano when they want. Plus, breakfast and diner are included so they come into the kitchen to prepare your meals. It sounds different.

I went out on Saturday for a drive to a nice city. I spent 10 hours in the car. There are so many cars on the road on a Saturday that I’ll never do that again. Not to mention I got lost in Seoul and was driving in circles. It was the drive from hell. I don’t know why anyone goes out with all that traffic.

I had a Whopper meal on Friday night for dinner. Mmmn, Mmmmn, good. I don’t have enough of them. I had a real bad craving for Subway on Saturday night late, but I wasn’t going to drive into Seoul to get one. I never ate a lot of fast food but I miss it for those occasional late night cravings. I could order pizza over the phone because someone ordered for me once and told them that if an English speaker calls it will be me. It’s Vatican pizza where every pizza is personally prepared by the Pope himself. And ordering a cheese pizza is easy. You just say, “Cheese Pizza”. But you have to say it with a Korean accent to be understood. But I didn’t want pizza on Saturday night. I wish Ilsan had a Subway. I should open one except for the fact that as bad a teacher as I might be, I’d be 10 times worse in the service industry.

Another couple of months and I’ll be thinking about my Toronto trip in February. I could start thinking about it now but it’s over 5 months still. I’ll be glad to see most everyone but it will go by in a flash. Leah and Taylor are coming up for Jared’s bar mitzvah so I’ll see all the important family members. It will be weird to be in Toronto because I haven’t been there since I left for Korea on February 5th. It’s not the same now though. I mean I was never enamored of it as I got older, and it didn’t feel like home, but with my father not here in mind there is a huge part of it missing. I know intellectually that as you get older, things change. But some things shouldn’t change because it’s not fair. You still have the memories and as good as they are, the reality was even better.

MY NEW DRINK OF CHOICE

Last night, for the first time since my entry into this fine country, I had more than 2 drinks. More than 3 actually. I didn’t count but I think it was about 6. Bloody Mary’s are no good because of the tomato juice so I needed to check what kinds of juice were available. This bar had lime juice so I thought I’d try vodka and lime juice. It was quite the hit. Makes for an excellent dinner.

I met this man from New Zealand online who works at a school here in Paju and we decided to get together. It’s always nice to meet a new face. I had actually seen him at the teacher training I went to back in May, but didn’t remember him. This is his 2nd teaching time in Korea after spending 4 years in China. He’s 55 so there are a few of us older crazies out there.

I suggested Starbucks and he suggested bar and I thought, why not. It’s been a while (not including my b-girls adventure) and we found a nice quiet place. There were 2 bartenders and next to no patrons. One was a young man of 26 and the other was a young woman of 21. The man did some excellent card and coin tricks. I showed him my one card trick and he was impressed. Very nice young man. The girl was interesting to talk to as I enjoy talking with Koreans of all ages since how they feel is so different from one another.

I didn’t get bombed and I could probably use a good bombing but so be it. Busy guy I am. Wednesday dinner at the Outback and Thursday a liquid dinner. I think tonight I’ll suffer through Korean food with another friend because it’s not always fair that I only want American restaurants. Hopefully they’ll wash the food off for me to get the spiciness off of it. Sometimes it’s nice to be treated like a child.

I think I’ve moved into battle mode with some of my classes. In my first class today I asked for the homework that was assigned. About 22 of 42 didn’t do it so I had them stand. Two kids talked too much so I threw them out into the hall. Then one boy was taking so I made him sit on the floor. Then the class was being non-responsive so I told them I wasn’t teaching and they could just sit or stand there silently for the next 20 minutes. It was the quietest my class has ever been. At the end of the class I had them all sit down and I told them that every class would be just like this one unless they changed their behavior. Will they? Who knows and who cares.

Friday has arrived at last. I look forward to the weekend and am already dreading Monday. I’m a bit tired today. I wonder if it’s the alcohol. It’s 10:20AM and I have one more class today at 2:15PM. Lots of time to sleep and read. Next week the kids start using “my” English room. It might make a small difference as there aren’t rows but several groups of 4 desks each. I hope to mix the good kids with the bad kids. And the room is huge so if some kid is being disruptive I can just make him stand alone at the back of the class. If I want to be Korean about it, I could make him lie down on the floor.

Oops, fell asleep. I guess that’s one advantage of having my own room. I can sleep in peace. Min Kyung came in and disturbed my sleep. She gave me a sheet of paper and they want to know what parts of the text book I will do every week until the end of the school year. And, I should finish the text book too. It doesn’t matter if the kids learn at a snail’s pace, it’s very important to finish the textbook. I know that about Korea. It seems no one cares if they learn anything because they all pass so why worry about what they know. I just told her I’ll fill out her paper because I can lie but there is no way it’s going to happen. “But the bosses want it”. I don’t care. I can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. I can’t draw blood from a stone.

She’s always going on about how I need materials in my class to help me teach. Things like pictures and word cards. I went into her class yesterday to observe. There were no materials. The class was boring as hell. Half of it was in Korean. The kids learned nothing. It was exactly like I thought.

I wish I would have known from the start that they expected me to finish the textbook in less than a year. If I knew that I wouldn’t have bought it. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have made an effort to try anything. It’s just banging my head against the wall. I don’t think I’m going to last out the school year here. Dealing with the kids is a challenge enough, but dealing with the idiotic philosophy of “the textbook is everything” is just too stupid for me. What a dilemma, and one I didn’t want.

QUESTIONS 67 AND 68

Actually they are questions 1 thru 1 million. Why? Why do I feel there is a purpose that I will discover by being here? Is that crazy, or what? Is it fate? I never think in this manner but there has to be some reason I’m here. I can’t just be here because I’m here.

I’m not getting nearly enough pleasure out of school. I still have some girls running up to me to talk to me. In fact, when I was leaving today there was a group of about 10 of them escorting me to my car. When I was walking out of school there were a group of them that said goodbye. As I walking away I could hear a few saying, “I love you”. I know they don’t love me, but these things do put a smile on my face. But it’s not enough anymore to make up for the futility I’m starting to feel standing in front of the class.

I still have the smile on my face but inside of me I just want the class to end. I’m not taking this as a good sign. I spent most of the day in my cage but at least it’s an air-conditioned cage. My first class today had no air-conditioning. Being in a small class with 47 students and no air-conditioning is not that much fun.

I was late for school today. I made a mistake in setting my alarm clock. I hurried and I ended up 5 minutes late. When I was 3 minutes late for class and driving Min Kyung phoned me. I told her I knew I was late and I’d be there in 2 minutes. She then told me I was late and I should hurry. Maybe she suffers from a build up of ear wax. Who knows?

When I left today I made a point of going to the vice principal and giving him a friendly goodbye. He smiled and said goodbye to me. I think he should have commented on my letter to him but perhaps that would be beneath his dignity. Of course, I don’t see him as having any dignity so I don’t know how you go beneath nothing.

On the positive side I’ve developed an addiction to Snapple Peach Ice Tea. I lived ten years in Texas and didn’t drink Ice Tea. I live in Korea and I can’t get enough of it. Life is strange.

I’m going to dinner tonight at the Outback with my friend Sadek. He’s another English teacher here who hails from Toronto. I mentioned him earlier. He has a Korean wife but she’s in Toronto and he’s here. He says he’s here to teach and try and recruit students to come to his English school in Toronto. Maybe I’ll ask him for a job teaching ESL in Toronto. I am crazy you know.

I really have a craving to try teaching at a University. There are lots of positions in China and it would be a wonderful experience. I’m doing my best to stifle the thought of going. I think I’d like to leave the “I’ll try this because it sounds good” mode and switch to the “I’ll do this because I want to do this” mode. It’s a struggle.

My apartment is a very nice apartment but it doesn’t look like anyone lives here. I could probably pack up and leave inside an hour. I should have been a nomad, or maybe I’m just a modern nomad. I think moving so much as a kid has made me live like I’m ready to leave at a moment’s notice. Or maybe it’s just a Jewish thing.

I was getting the kids to write 3 things they did on their summer vacation. One girl wrote that she read “Anne’s Diary”. I asked her if she meant Anne Frank and she said yes. I would have LOVED to discuss it with her, but her English is almost non-existent. I was impressed and pleased that a Korean teenager is reading “The Diary of Anne Frank” but I feel cheated because it would be so interesting to hear her take on the story and the Nazi occupation. These are the conversations I want and crave with the students. To be so close but so far from having them is quite disheartening.

Every day I say to Mangi (science teacher), is it Friday yet? He answers me seriously that no it’s not, it’s in 2 days (or whatever). However, he may be catching on that it’s a joke. Humor is so hard to get to work across languages and cultures. I’m lucky that I have some Korean friends who can understand some of my jokes and sarcasm and I’m surprised when someone like Mangi who has good English just doesn’t get what I’m saying. I’ll have to remember to ask him about “fan death” tomorrow. If he believes in it I’ll get someone to write up in Korean a survey on who believes in fan death. I’m getting really curious. If I ever kill myself I suppose fan death is the way to go. No mess, no fuss, try fan death to end your misery.

I’m getting tired of the songs on my IPOD. I’d get new songs but my taste in music is so limited. I have no idea why. I know music goes beyond Bob Dylan, Gordon Lightfoot, and the Beatles but I just can’t seem to get into anyone new. I do like the Wallflowers rendition of “Breakfast at Tiffanys”. In fact I just put it on.

I’m thinking of getting married again. All that’s missing is the bride. My problem is that all the prospects are under 15 and I don’t have that long to wait. It’s not every day when some charming young lady tells you she loves you. It’s so hard to walk away from that.

(The preceding paragraph was a joke).

I feel that I’ve put on some weight but I look almost skinny in some pictures. This is a picture of me standing in front of a weird timepiece. Of course, since I'm in Korea I have to make a "V" with my fingers like all Koreans do. Why do they do that? I don't know. Maybe it was in an episode of "Unsolved Mysteries". It's terrible to think that maybe Robert Stack went to his death never knowing the mystery of the Korean "V" sign.

There was a museum of all these timepieces that were made from all sorts of things. They all worked and it was amazing how clever some artists are. It’s not the sort of museum you expect to see in a beach town. This place also had two gramophone museums. One had over 150 old gramophone players from the time of Edison and up. The other had a collection of over 150,000 old records. Why would you find these things on the East Coast of Korea? No one knows.

DAMN, BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN

All good things seem to come to an end, and so my time away from school is at an end. One of the reasons I haven’t posted since I started vacation time was that I felt no compelling need to write. Most of my writing is venting, and I had nothing to vent about. Sometimes I write about some insight I might have stumbled upon, but that didn’t happen. I know that most of what I write sounds depressing and makes one wonder why I’m here. I’m sure it’s not as bad as I may make it sound because I don’t think I’m stupid enough to be here just because. I hope I know when to hold, and when to fold.

I had a text message (Korean’s love text messaging on their phones) from Min Kyung (other English teacher) on Saturday afternoon telling me to be at school on Monday because my vacation was over. I knew classes didn’t start until Tuesday but I can’t say I was surprised by the message. What I really thought would happen is that I wouldn’t go on Monday and I’d get a call asking why I wasn’t there. Because there is no school, that’s why.

I went to the school yesterday (Monday) and they let me go at noon. Why did I have to go? I don’t know. I honestly feel it’s just to let me know that they are the master and I’m the slave. Maybe I’m paranoid. I feel that there is some prejudice against me as a foreigner. I think the principal and the vice-principal really don’t like me for no other reason than I’m not a Korean. Neither of them has ever gone out of their way to make me feel welcome, or an equal member of the staff. Maybe they’re afraid of me because they don’t speak English but I don’t know. Maybe they just think that only Korean things are good and everything and everyone else outside of Korea is no good. But the fact is that I don’t feel comfortable with them and feel a bit of prejudice.

As soon as I got to school yesterday Min Kyung started in on me. As you know, I didn’t start summer vacation with the best of feelings towards her. In fact, I’d about had it with her. It’s difficult to work with someone you have no respect for, and feel is an imbecile. She started with the news from the vice principal that she was to pass on to me. Now, I feel bad for her that she’s stuck in the middle so I forgive her that aggravation. But she does things that just annoy me and make me forget any difficulties she might have being in the middle.

It seems the vice principal saw me sleeping while showing the kids a movie again. I know that it’s wrong of me, and I don’t do it on purpose. Sometimes when you watch the “Wizard of Oz” for the 25th time you fall asleep but that’s no excuse. I was wrong. So Min Kyung told me the vice principal was angry about that. I apologized and told her I knew I was wrong and had no excuse. Then she told me he was angry I fell asleep. During the course of our conversation she told me no less than 10 times. I almost had to yell at her to shut up, I heard her the first time and she didn’t have to keep telling me.

Then she told me the vice principal was very angry with me because when I would leave camp for the day, I didn’t come and say goodbye to him. Apparently that’s the proper thing to do here. But guess what? I didn’t know that and no one had told me so I had no idea. I told her I didn’t do it to be disrespectful but that I didn’t know. She told me again he was very angry and I told her again that I can’t do things I’m supposed to if I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

Then Min Kyung and the vice principal were angry with me because I didn’t have the kids clean the classroom after camp. I told her that I didn’t know I was supposed to be the cleaning supervisor and she informed me that I should have known because it’s common sense. How do you talk to these people who think the world revolves around Korea and that all things Korean are the way the rest of the world works? It’s not just Americans who think the world revolves around them. I told her that in North America the kids don’t clean the school, but that janitors are employed for that. I told her again that if no one tells me what I need to do, then it won’t be done. They can’t assume that I’m some Korean expert who knows all the customs and all the acceptable things to do. How can these people be so stupid? I’ve met so many wonderful Korean people that dealing with people like the vice principal and Min Kyung is such a shock because of what I’m used to.

Min Kyung then went on with how busy she was, how stressed she is, and how she doesn’t have the time to discuss things with me. I told her that her and I had a serious problem. I told her that she doesn’t listen to what I tell her, and she doesn’t understand what I say to her. She then asked me why I’m in Korea if I hated it so much. You see, with Min Kyung, if I say that I don’t like that some teachers hit children, to her ears it means that the Korean school system is terrible. I tried to explain (just like talking to a child) that there are good things and bad things in Korea just like anywhere else. I have found many more good things in Korea than bad things. I don’t love everything, and I’m entitled to my opinion. If I mention an incident that disturbs me or I think it is wrong it doesn’t mean the country is crap. I told her I wouldn’t be here if I thought Korea was terrible.

Did she understand? I don’t know. It appears she did but I wouldn’t count on it. Our little discussion ended with us agreeing that we needed to get along. I said that we should have a new start with the new semester and she agreed. I stuck out my hand for a handshake and she shook on it. So I’ll put everything behind me, and start again with her. I must try to get along (and I believe I do), because I don’t want them to “win” and chase me away. They don’t represent Korea. Korea is a country in transition. The younger people are more forthcoming and open and there are the older ones stuck in the old ways that don’t work. I figure I’m smarter than them, more tolerant than them, and a better person than them. Therefore if I leave it won’t be because of a few jerks but because I don’t like what I’m doing.

I also got one more piece of news which contributes to my feeling of prejudice. I had a desk in the teacher’s room where I sat when I wasn’t teaching. I was told that I was losing the desk and I was to stay in my classroom when I’m not teaching. The reason I was given was that students would more easily come and talk to me than if I was in the teacher’s room. Do I believe that? No, not really. I think it’s just segregating the foreigner from the pure Koreans. Maybe I’m crazy but if I ran a place that “invited” a foreigner to come and work with them, I would be sure to integrate the foreigner as much as possible. I wouldn’t want to segregate them. But what do I know? I’m only the ignorant foreigner.

I know not all principals and vice principals are like this. I’m sure there are some who understand that with the foreigner comes the opportunity to learn something of another culture and maybe pick up one or two things about a better way to do things. However, this is not my school’s situation and it’s the one I’m stuck with.

I told Min Kyung that I’m canceling my offer to teach the weak students from 3 to 4 in the afternoon. I thought about it and as much as I want to help, I can’t do it. I have not reached that level of patience and understanding that would allow me to succeed so it’s better if I just didn’t try. I wish I could, but it’s important that I know my limitations.

I did offer to do a theater program in that time. I told her that I had directed plays (many years ago) in English while in Israel. I told her it would be a wonderful opportunity for the students and it could also bring prestige to the school by putting on a production in English for other schools. She will show it to the “bosses” but I know it isn’t going to happen. She was already starting with the excuses why they won’t do it (none of which made sense) and since she’s my mouthpiece, it won’t be the best sales pitch. Not to mention I’m dealing with 2 backward people with no vision outside their tunnel vision. I think it would be so good, and I’m prepared to put the effort in to make it work. I gave it a lot of thought before offering and I know it could work. It’s a shame because the students who would participate would have a unique and wonderful experience.

So I hung out in my cage today. I had no classes until 1:20PM so I slept and read in a room all by myself. I went to my first class not expecting much and the kids didn’t let me down. They were either talking or non-responsive. I didn’t lose my patience. I’d just shake my head and laugh a bit. Finally I just told them to do whatever they wanted because I was through with them for the day. I gave them homework which I never do. But I gave out what we were going to do in class. At the end of the class some of the kids gave out the standard, “nice to see you” and I replied that it wasn’t nice to see them and I had a terrible time with them. I always have a smile for them, I’m always friendly, I have a decent amount of patience, but I’m not going to lie to them. I won’t pretend it was a pleasure to spend time with them, when it wasn’t.

My other class today was fine. They did the assignment in class so no homework for them. The school got some new students over the vacation period so my 2 classes today had 47 students in each. It’s almost impossible to teach 47 13 year olds at once. They will make new classes but I’m told that it will take 3 to 4 weeks. Why? I don’t know. But no one has ever accused this school of being organized.

I’m going to have to come up with a strategy on how to teach in a way that some kids learn something and I don’t lose my good humor or sanity. I find it difficult to come to grips with and reconcile that I have some wonderful children that are a joy to talk to and be with, and have others that I would shed no tears over if they were thrown into the fires of hell. And of course a big problem is that the bad and talkative students stop the good students from learning because I won’t talk when others are talking. I’ve been wrestling with this dilemma since coming to Korea and I’ve made no headway. I’m going to have to because I don’t just want to be in class going through the motions.

One girl who entered an English speech competition in the city won it. I worked with her a couple of days and she’s a bright and intelligent girl. I congratulated her and she said it was because of my help. That was more than generous of her to say, and I’m sure it isn’t true. I told her it wasn’t me, it was all her and her brain. I asked her how many contestants there were and she told me there were 18. So good for her. I probably played a tiny part in preparing her but I felt great for her and grateful for the small part I played. See, there are good things. It’s not all bad.

So here I am in the 2nd half of my life in this place called Korea living with some strange and wonderful people. I got a birthday card from my mother today and in it she wrote, “Maybe now that you are going into your second half, you will know what you want to do. Please Martin start taking things seriously, we love you so”. I only wish Mom, I only wish. She also wrote other things the likes of which I have never seen on a card from her or really ever talked about. The mail comes first thing in the morning so I had a good cry while getting in my car this morning. Needless to say, these things have been on my mind all day and I wish I could just snap my fingers and a wonderful life full of love would just happen. But I’ve tried it and it doesn’t just happen. She also signed the card from her and my father so that got me crying also. However, I know she speaks for both of them so it’s only right that she signed it from mom and dad.

The weather has cooled a bit and I’ve managed a few nights without the fan on. You have to be careful of having the fan on because you’re at risk of “fan death”. I’m not joking. Koreans believe that if you go to sleep with the fan on in a room with the windows shut, you’ll die. I asked a couple of them about it and if they thought it was real and they assured me it was. I would just laugh. They would tell me that they heard it on the news, and I’d laugh more. I was laughing so much and they’re going, “what? It isn’t true?” I just told them that we should both go to sleep in the same room with the windows shut and the fan on, and in the morning I’ll wake up but they’ll be dead because they’re Korean. They did think that was funny. Fan death. What a place.

Here is what I look like standing on the beach on the east coast of Korea. I’m getting older but not taller and I have no more hair than I did a year ago. And I wanted height and hair for my birthday.

IT SUCKS WHEN A BIG PART OF YOUR DAY DEPENDS ON OTHERS

I used to work for one the world’s great jerks. He thought he was great at everything but the only thing he was great at was at being a total ass. No one could do it better than him. And he was consistently an ass, day in and day out. But that’s who I worked for, he was the primary enemy, and I just didn’t give him a lot of thought. Sometimes when he went overboard it could ruin a day but overall he held a proper place of disregard in my mind and the success of my day was not dependent on him.

I know that most people work in jobs where they deal with other people. I was lucky in a way because for many years I worked at home. Alone. It can be isolating and lonely, but the crap from others is kept at a minimum. But how many jobs have so much of how you feel dependent on the day in and day out doing of others? I know of one for sure and that’s teaching.

I came to school today prepared to watch “Wizard of Oz” and then do the baking exercise. Based on the week so far I was expecting a fun time. I knew that a lot of the kids could use a “manners” adjustment but it was under control and didn’t make me overly upset. What a disappointment. What a mistake to “expect” something. You just can’t predict day to day what you’ll get from the kids, even if they are the same kids you had yesterday. I must have known this already but had forgotten it. Or am I just too stupid to have realized it?

I kept my temper in check but most of the boys and a few of the girls I could have slapped silly. (Yes, I am Mr. Non-Violent.) I know that they’re not deaf, and I know they understand what “quiet” means and I know they know what “don’t talk” means. I have no idea where these kids learned their manners or I guess I should be asking why they never learned any.

For baking the kids were split into 3 groups. I like to do things step by step so everyone is basically at the same place in their preparation. I explained this to them. Just do what I tell you to do. Don’t rush up to do more. I know they understood but no sooner would a group finish a step when they would come to the front and try to grab something else to put in the mixing bowl. I had to physically escort some of them back to their area. I have the ingredients on the board in no particular order so if they see vanilla and it’s not time to add the vanilla, it doesn’t matter they are grabbing for the vanilla. I tell you, it’s no fun being the cooking police. I’m telling you, week one was like a charm. They listened and everything went smoothly. I had less to do, but I had the most fun. The kids had everything under control and were a pleasure to work with.

Two of the groups were the older kids (3rd year) and one group was 1st year students. The 1st year students English in this group isn’t as good as the poor English of the 3rd year students. But surprise of surprises, the 1st year kids were the best behaved, they followed instructions, they were finished way before everyone, and they were a pleasure. I had felt no special affinity with them this week, but they earned my respect today. I am constantly making my mind up about some students and then having to reevaluate. I love when I’m wrong and they are better people or students than I had first thought. Of course, it’s a downer when they are less than I believed they were.

Maybe it’s just that kids are so changeable from day to day that they have no standard behavior, or if they do they just change it at any time. I don’t know. This lack of consistency is a pain. My work day is so dependent on their behavior. I can try and make it interesting and fun, but if they’re going to be pigs, there’s nothing I can do, and it makes my day worse than I would like it. It’s terrible to not have more control over your day.

I’m not in a bad mood. I’m not depressed. It’s day six of normalcy (whatever that is and who’s counting anyhow?) I am done with school until my return on August 22nd. Unfortunately for me, the thought of going back on the 22nd doesn’t thrill me. Once the vacation week is over, the next vacation is too far away. I think teaching takes more out of me than any job I’ve ever had. The highs are really high and great and fun and lots of positive things. The lows are very low and they are draining. I still haven’t figured out where I fit into the teaching game in the great scheme of things. There is so much I enjoy about being with the kids. I love watching their wheels turn when they’re thinking. I love when I feel I’m connecting. I love when they understand a bad joke I make. I love when they include me in their games and treat with me patience. I love when they tell me they love me. Who wouldn’t like that? What job could be better? I just don’t know if I have disposition and inner peace to handle it through the negative things over the long term.

I have never had anything but respect for good teachers who try. They’re not making the big bucks, but they have so much responsibility. You entrust your children to a stranger and just hope they know what they’re doing. It must be nice to feel that you’re making a difference, no matter how small, in someone’s life.

So I guess I’m “officially” on vacation now. What am I doing? I’m being a Korean and making no decision before the very last second before it happens. I probably will not be posting much over the next week. I don’t know how much I’ll have to say without school which provides me with most of my material. I wish I was going to Disney World and Universal Studios with my sister and her family. Okay, maybe not going with them, but going to Disney World and Universal. In a fantasy world it would be an amazing experience to go with some of my students. They’d love it, and I’d love watching them loving it.

No word of a lie. The absolute best vacations were when Barbara, Elana, Leah and I went away together. It could be a great place like Disney World, or some really lame show like “Country Tonight” in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. I can’t imagine ever topping those which really isn’t fair. My kids are older so these type of vacations can’t happen again so although I can have good and interesting vacations, they just won’t be as special. Elana and Leah are so lucky because they will have “family” vacations to come sometime in the future where they’re the parent and get to enjoy the company of their children and the joy that they can bring them.

I’m not old (I think) but it’s so bittersweet to look back. So many good things to remember, but they’re all in the past never to be recaptured. It doesn’t mean life is over, but in some ways it does mean that your life has peaked. There is so much that you can think about and drive yourself crazy and of course, that’s always been my problem.

FOR YOU DON’T COUNT THE DEAD WHEN GOD’S ON YOUR SIDE

What a great line. It’s from the Dylan song, “With God On Our Side”. The man was a genius. He still might be but I don’t think anyone has ever expressed the thoughts of a generation so well in song. I was obviously listening to Bobby boy and it just struck me as it has before. But this time it stuck, so I thought I’d mention it.

No post yesterday. Amazing. My reason for not posting was not depression, but rather I was busy doing other things. And usually I’m always feeling “inspired” in some ways when I do post, but when I did have time yesterday the mood didn’t strike me.

Correction here. The kids didn’t choose “Sleeping Beauty” but “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” which is even harder. I just got the names mixed up. However, the kids came into camp yesterday morning with some props, costumes, and the girl who took charge had even prepared a script. I thought we were going to do that in class but she got something off the Internet, edited and changed it a bit, and had the script in English and Korean. I was so impressed. So I made some small changes to the script (fixing grammar and sentence structure) and we discussed where we would film within the school area. It went really well. When we were talked out and it seemed prepared (we practiced reading the script) there was about 20 minutes left so I said, “what do you want to do?” Of course they answered that they wanted to play a game.

I said, “what game do you want to play?” and they said, “fry pan”. I had no idea what that was so I asked. They told me it was a Korean game. It had nothing to do with English but I was interested and doing “teaching” is for me too. A group of people sit around a table. The person who starts says one of the people’s names and a number from 1 to 4. The person whose name is called has to repeat their name the number of times of the number they were given while everyone (including them) does 4 motions. Depending on the number says at what point you say your name. With both hands you slap the table, clap, stick out one thumb and then the other. So if your name is called with the number 2 you slap the table, clap, stick out 1 thumb and say your name, then stick out the other and say your name. It’s not easy for an uncoordinated person such as I.

If you don’t do it properly you put your head on the table and your arms out and all the other players pound you on the back. I had a riot. The kids were hitting me and I would even hit the loser on the back. Of course, what I did was more of a soft love tap, but it was important that I participated as an equal. It was so neat how they explained the game to me trying to find the right words so I’d understand. And as a concession to me, they called the numbers in English. I love these things where I’m just one of the kids (albeit a slow one) who the others include and take the time to explain things to. It’s a wonderful feeling as I feel that I’m connecting with them on a personal level and as we all know, life is all about connections.

I went to the doctor yesterday to get the results of the blood work. As I’ve said I’ve felt fine physically so I was hoping and thought all my tests would be normal. I was right. Everything was within normal ranges. I was quite pleased. Actually my blood thinner isn’t doing a good job so that level was off but they just changed the dosage. It probably has to do with a change in diet since coming here. So all is well.

Even my mood is still on the positive side. It’s Thursday and it’s day 5 of a good feeling. I don’t want to jinx myself, but I do like it. Makes me feel that there is hope for me. Of course there probably is no hope, but these times of optimism are great.

Today we filmed “Snow White” and I was pleased. The only thing I did was occasionally tell some kids to be quiet during the filming, tell one girl to take off her shoes because they squeaked, and changed the battery in the camera. The kids did everything else. I think most of them had a lot of fun doing this so I did my job in provided them with a stimulating and fun activity.

Here are some of the girls because everyone loves pictures.


Here are some of the boys.


And here is almost everyone with yours truly. This picture wasn’t my idea but some of the girls wanted me to be in a picture with them. I was touched.


When we were done filming there was a bit of time to kill so I whipped out my trusty IPOD and showed them some pictures I put on it of Elana and Leah from one their hair modeling shoots where they look like glamour girls. It always blows the kids away. I then show them other pictures where they look more real life. I also had a picture of me at about the age of 4 and they all agreed I was cute. I also pointed out that I had more hair then too.

Tomorrow is baking with them and it should be fun. They talk way too much but I like them. They’re good people and that’s what is important to me.

Once again showing there is no sexism in the class, we had a boy in a dress playing Snow White along with another boy playing the prince. I have no idea why we had a boy playing Snow White as there are 11 girls and 5 boys. It was funny and love how they’ll pay no attention to sex for these movies, even with the “love” scenes.

I have some video to leave you with. We’ll start with the queen and her mirror.


Now we have the queen as the old woman giving Snow White the apple.



Here are the 7 Dwarfs.


And this is the prince awakening Snow White.


And this is just me shooting the kids afterwards.

WHOA, HO, HO, JUST LIKE A YOYO

I don’t know what the better analogy for my life is, is it a roller coaster or is it a yoyo? Is there a difference? I mean they both go up but they still end up down at the end. I don’t feel as high as yesterday, but I’m not down. Just a wee bit of slippage but you can’t always be up, can you? I’m getting so sensitive to my mood swings that it’s a little scary just to feel alright after a day when you feel up. That of course makes no sense, but where does logic fit in anyway? It doesn’t.

I was wondering today what percentage of your total happiness should be dependant on your job satisfaction? Another toughy. You shouldn’t live to work, but work to live. A lot of people have lousy jobs and I don’t know but I would guess a bunch of them are still happy. They have other things that bring them joy and happiness so they trump the job. But what if you live in a foreign country where you depend so much on job satisfaction to help keep you content? You have some friends and maybe an activity or two. But you don’t have kids which fill a great deal of your life and bring you more joy than anything. You don’t have a mate for one reason or another. Those are two things more important than a job, and can save you from a job you don’t love, that you don’t have. I’m trying to figure this out.

It seems I’m always trying to figure things out and it seems like I’m not making progress. Tackle one puzzle and another pops up. It’s like that fairground game, “Whack-A-Mole” where a mole pops up out of a hole, you bang it on the head with a mallet and it goes down, and another mole pops up in a different hole. Is that the analogy for my life? Is life really just a game of “Whack-A-Mole”? This is kind of scary. Has anyone ever felt that way about their life, or have I broken new ground? And if I’m going to break new ground, then why not a cure for cancer or Alzheimer’s? No, I have to come up with stupid analogy’s.

I realize it can be a bit of a downer reading this and I often ask myself if I really am as unhappy as I must sound. Or is it that the negative things are the things I need to write or talk about in an attempt to get them out of my system and not stay inside of me. And of course, I have no answer.

I was talking to Elana last night and she told me that she doesn’t read my blog daily like she used to. Some of the things she reads bother her and make her angry. I actually understand how she feels. I never had a father who had a tendency to “weird out” so I can’t compare how I am with anything. I don’t think I sit around feeling sorry for myself (at least not so I notice), I just write about how I feel and I don’t radiate happiness. Maybe the trick in dealing with someone like me is you decide how much of me is relevant to your relationship with me and go with that. Just ignore the things that don’t really affect you. I know she’s still mad at me (there, I’m saying it out loud). I can hear it in her voice whenever we talk. And I can’t fix it. If I could, I would. I don’t think one evil deed should erase a lifetime of good deeds, but I can’t say for sure because I’ve never been in her position. I might be the same as her if the positions were reversed. All I know is that it pains me when I talk to her and can hear in her voice that she really doesn’t want to talk to me, she disrespects me, and she has no empathy for whatever I’m going through. I might complain about things here in Korea and my life in general, but Elana and I is the worst thing that has happened to me. They say that time heals all, but I don’t know. I used to believe that but now I’m doubtful. I told someone (I can’t remember who) that there are only 2 people in the world who scare me. One is my mother and the other is Elana. It’s kind of weird, the mother and the oldest daughter. I don’t do things to seek their approval, but I sure feel it and worry about if I’ll get it. I guess the only thing I know for sure is that my day to day outlook on life begins each day with two strikes against me. One is my father’s Alzheimer’s disease and the other is what’s happened between Elana and I.

I had a phone call last night from my new potential girlfriend Ooh-Ri. She called to thank me for my “memo” (her word) telling her about the Metallica concert. She told me that she knew about it and wanted to go, but the cost of $80 U.S. was way too much money for her. It was nice of her to call and thank me and we spoke for a few minutes but it felt awkward and forced. Phone calls with Koreans aren’t nearly as easy as face to face conversation. I remember one phone call with Mee Kyung with a lot of silences since I have to carry the conversation on the phone. In person it’s a give and take but speaking English on the phone is very unnatural for them. Mee Kyung was waiting for me to say something after I had run out of things to say. She asked me if I had anything else to say (or something like that) and I said no. So she said goodbye and hung up. If was cute and funny and abrupt. It’s only been about 4 weeks since I’ve seen her, but I miss our outings. I hope she’s having a good time with her husband but I do look forward to her return and us “girls” going out.

I jumped the gun on my evaluation of this week’s camp group. I made a list of all the new words we discussed yesterday that they told me they didn’t know and I had explained. I then made up 29 sentences with a blank in each one to fill in and they had to take the right word from the list and put it in the correct sentence. What a disaster. Except for one girl I think the most blanks filled in on anyone’s page was 3 of 29, and they looked wrong to me. What a downer. I thought if they asked the question yesterday of what something meant then they would remember a few of them. No go.

There is one girl who knew most of them. She’s the only “good” student out of the 16 I have. There may be two good ones, but the other one I think might be good was absent today. I didn’t get upset but I was very disappointed. My hope for a good and enjoyable week faded and I just felt like each day would be 4 more hours to endure.

I then brought up the topic of the movie we would be doing. I told them we needed to discuss ideas and to remember to keep it simple because they were responsible for everything like dialogue, props, and costumes. The ideas were not coming fast and furious. The first week of camp I had only 1st year students, and this week the majority are 3rd year students, but the 1st year students were far better at grasping the reality of what can be done and produced more ideas. I got very few original ideas. I got “Sleeping Beauty”, “Beauty and the Beast”, “Cinderella”, and a few others. I would keep saying, “where are you going to get the clothes from?” I gave up asking for ideas and just let them chatter away for ½ an hour in Korean. My heart wasn’t in it. I know I wasn’t asking anything too difficult if the 1st year kids got it. I am aware that maybe I expect too much. But to be perfectly honest I need the conversation between the students and I to keep me interested. I can blabber on and entertain for a great deal of time, but I want my entertainment and that’s a reasonable discussion with students.

After the 30 minutes and the class nearly being over, I went and sat down across from the girl who’s the good student. She had moved her seat during the Korean conversation and had moved to a seat in front of the rest of the class. She had taken charge. So I asked her what they were going to do and she said they were doing “Sleeping Beauty”. I’m not overly thrilled because I think it’s too much but I didn’t say anything. I asked her what about the costumes and she told me what the people would be wearing. She drew me caps the dwarfs would be wearing and I said who is going to make them. She said she was. She had the cast written out and told me she was the director. She then (using pictures and broken English) asked how we would edit the movie. I was quite impressed because she was thinking and it was a perfect question. I told her it was called “editing” in English and told her I’d do that. She was pleased I said that.

So, maybe they can do it. Maybe I underestimate them and I hope I do. I like the way she took charge and I liked the answers she had to my questions. If it works it will be through her and I will be so pleased and impressed. I’m pulling for her.

I was talking to the computer teacher today as he is on duty at the school this week. He speaks English at least as good Min Kyung. He worked for Sun Microsystems before changing to teaching. He’s a pleasant fellow but I wish he’d call me something other than “Mr. Martin”. I think it might just be that my name is written as “Martin King” and Koreans write their names with the last name first. “Kim Mee Kyung” for example.

He was telling me that his wife and him were traveling last week within Korea and I asked him if he had any suggestions where I should go. He gave me a couple of names and I asked him to write them down for me in English so I could look them up. He said he would and would give it to me before I left. After camp was finished I went into the teacher’s room to get my bag and he called me over to his desk. He showed me some pictures from a place he recommends and he had printed out one of those Korean roadmaps that never work for me. The place is in an area of mountains and beach and he gave me directions to the “sheep pasture”. That’s what he liked and I saw pictures of sheep and him and his wife feeding farm animals. I of course smiled and thanked him, but I don’t think a sheep pasture is in my vacation plans.

I came home and it was so strange. The electricity was working and the lights in the living room were working, but none of the other lights in the apartment would come on. So I had to go back out to the office to tell them. It’s hot. It’s humid. I walk there and go upstairs and the sign on the door tells me they’re closed from 12 to 1. It was 1:15 but who am I to complain that they can’t keep time. About 1:20 one woman comes back and I guess I’m known to everyone as the crazy foreigner or something because as soon as she sees me she gets on the phone and when she gets off she tells me to please wait for 10 minutes. I figured she called the man who usually helps me because he can speak English.

I’m sweating buckets and won’t stop. I was so uncomfortable. After about 12 minutes (when you’re sweating profusely you notice every second) she gets a call and tells me another five minutes. What can I do? I can’t call them and explain the problem. Then this other woman who works there runs in and apologizes to me. She goes through her drawer and takes out my apartment key which they had when the cleaning lady returned it. I started to do a flip out but I caught myself right away and didn’t make a fool of myself. I was proud that I didn’t go loco. I try to explain to them that my lights don’t work and then this other woman comes over to listen. She then gets on the phone and hands it to me. It was someone who spoke some English and I’m supposed to tell her the problem. I try to and I could tell she didn’t understand me. I said to her nicely, “you don’t understand me, do you?” and she asked me to say it again, but very slowly. I repeated myself slowly and I could hear the lights in her head clicking on. She got it. I gave the phone back to the office woman who was informed of my problem. They told me to go back to my apartment and someone would be there.

I behaved quite well (as I haven’t always done) and a few minutes after my return a man came. It seems there is this switch by my front door that controls the lights and it was off. I had never touched it. I had never even noticed it. The problem was easily solved which was good and I tried to tell him that I never touched it. His response was one of two things, but I can’t be sure what it was. It was either I’m a stupid and crazy foreigner, or it’s so hot the switch turns off itself. I thanked him and he was on his way. I do like that when I have to go to the office for help, and they say that they’ll be here shortly, they do come shortly. You really don’t get that kind of service in North America when someone is supposed to come to your house to do some work or deliver something.

I did something last night that I have never done before. I know this will amaze some of you and disgust others that it was my first time, but I bought a pineapple yesterday and cut it myself. And I did a fine job, wasting next to nothing. What a clever lad I am, and was it tasty. I also splurged yesterday and bought a cantaloupe for about $5. I know that’s ridiculous but sometimes I have to pamper myself with fruit. And it’s a lot cheaper than buying colored water for some girl in a bar.

WHO CAN TAKE A SUNRISE?

Sprinkle it with dew?
Cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two…
The candyman, the candyman can,
The candyman can 'cause he mixes it with love
and makes the world taste good…

No word of a lie. If you watch a movie for 3 weeks in a row you can do one of two things. You can learn to detest it, or you can realize how much you love it. I am pleased to announce that after my 3rd Monday viewing of “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory”, I confess to loving the film. It’s not “Wizard of Oz”, but then again, nothing is.

This is the first of the 3 weeks I stay awake for the entire film and I was engrossed. A lot of the songs are lame, Charlie Bucket really isn’t very good, but that about covers the negatives. Gene Wilder was never better and that include “Young Frankenstein” which is brilliant. He conveys the wildness and hysteria he’s known for in some parts, but his sarcasm is on the mark. It is truly a great performance. He made me laugh. I remember liking it when seeing it with Elana and Leah, but not loving it. I asked my sister Elyse if her kids had seen it, and she said, “they love it”. This is not a movie for just kids. I cannot recommend enough that if you’ve never seen it, see it. If it’s been a long time, see it. If you have no kids, see it anyway. And the Oompa-Loompa’s are just too much.

I had to give blood this morning at the hospital in Ilsan. I haven’t had blood work in 6 months, so it’s time. The lab opens at 7AM and I was there shortly after as I had to be back at school before 8:30. You go to the machine which dispenses numbers and a board shows what number is up now. I like that. You sit in the hall waiting your turn and it doesn’t take long. You go in and you sit across the desk from the phlebotomist, and she checks you’re the right person. Then she swabs you, sticks you, gives you a cotton and out you go. It was quick. And, they don’t put the cotton on with tape, so if you’re like me and have hairy arms, that’s good. They also don’t use gloves which surprised me. I don’t know if that’s a danger to me, but I would think it might be a problem with them. So I was in and out in record time, and I was pleased about that. Sometimes things work properly here.

Since I was in Ilsan and it was 7:30 I thought I’d check and see if the Starbucks was open yet. I doubted it, but I was wrong. They were open and waiting for me. It was just like the old days of morning Starbucks before starting work. I was thrilled. I got coffee and a muffin and I was in heaven. If I worked in Ilsan, I could spend about $3 a coffee every day! (This is a regular coffee, not a specialty coffee). So the day was most good so far. Now I had to go and see what the gods of schoolchildren would deliver to my classroom.

My luck held. They aren’t Einstein’s, in fact, not even close. But they are mostly 3rd year students who don’t know a lot but you can talk to them. And they aren’t annoying. If they talk too much I’ll say something to the offending student like, “okay, you go up to the front and teach since you like to talk so much”. They get suitably embarrassed.

I started to read the first chapter of “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” and after a few paragraphs I’d stop and ask for questions. There is no way they understand all the words. The questions weren’t coming which is the one way to annoy me. I went into my standard speech about how I don’t care if they don’t know something, I care that they ask. I actually got through. As I would read more and stop, more questions were coming. Not all the kids were asking, but I’d say half asked at least one question. I love when that happens. I think I inspire them to ask questions because some words are just too hard to explain so I use my English-Korean dictionary and I’ll try and say it in Korean. Most of the time it’s a guessing game as to what I’m trying to say. Then I give up and play the speech that the dictionary does, pronouncing the word. They love that too.

After that we watched the movie. I asked if they liked it and they said yes. I don’t know if they were being polite or if they really did like it. I played it with English subtitles so they could read and listen. I hope they understood a lot of it. At least I enjoyed it. So there is hope for this week. We will do a movie because I think they have brains to come up with something so that’s good. After last week it wouldn’t take much to get me pumped up.

I went out Saturday night to Seoul to meet Robert for dinner. First we went to a bar without B-girls because I’ve been there, done that, and donated to the cause. I just had 1 drink. I’m really in the mood to go to a bar and have a few drinks. Probably 4 is my limit and they wouldn’t be Bloody Mary’s because the tomato juice is horrible here. I think I’d like either Vodka and lemonade or Vodka and cranberry juice. After our drink we went for Turkish food to a place he knows. We had these Gyro type things in something like pita bread. It was thicker than pita but quite good. The whole thing was inexpensive and good. It was a nice change from American chains and just steak or hamburgers. Kudos to Robert for suggesting that restaurant.

When I was in Seoul I saw a poster for a Metallica concert on August 15th. Now there is no way I would consider going to that, but I did give a note to Ooh-Ri’s mother today to give to Ooh-Ri mentioning the concert since she said she loves Heavy Metal. Her mother looked pleased I was sending a note to her daughter. It’s creepy in a way.

I also saw a place in Seoul where “Nunsense” is playing. I’ve never seen it but I can’t see it in Korean for my first time. I also saw a poster for “Grease”. I might go to that. I’m not a “Grease” fan, but seeing it in Korean with Korean greasers might be kind of fun.

I know I’m up and down like a yo-yo. The good thing is that at this moment in time I’m up. I have been up since yesterday afternoon and I like it. When I get like this I feel like I’ve hit a turning point, but of course it usually isn’t. But I can hope.

A NEW GIRLFRIEND???

Do you have any idea how hard it is to write a catchy title to attract people to reading this crap? I bet you don’t. I’m not bringing in any advertising revenue and my publisher’s are on my back to attract more readers. Now confess, this one caught your eye. You’re dying to know what I’m talking about, aren’t you? Hang on, I’ll get there.

First off I just want to say I’m addicted to the song “I’m Easy”. This song was written and performed by Keith Carradine in 1975 for the film “Nashville”. The film was a Robert Altman (director of M*A*S*H*) classic and was his film to mark the American bi-centennial. If you haven’t seen it, I recommend it. I haven’t seen it since the going to the cinema in 1975 so I don’t know if it holds up. I’d love to get a hold of a copy and see it again.

Anyhow, Keith Carradine wrote his own songs that he performed in the film. Carradine is a member of the famous (at least to those who know movies) Carradine acting clan. His half-brother is David Carradine (of Kung-Fu and Kill Bill fame) and his father is the great character actor John Carradine. His brother Robert is also an actor and has appeared in many films. One of the songs Keith Carradine wrote was called “I’m Easy” and this song has stayed in my head for over 30 years. It’s not one I’d heard in a very long time so I found it on the Internet and downloaded it. I’ve listened to it countless times and I still love it.

It’s a love song. I remember Carradine’s voice being much better than it actually is, but his voice in no way detracts from the song. I think that his voice not being perfect makes the lyrics more real. The song won the Oscar for Best Original Song at the 1976 Academy Awards. Usually a best song Oscar is a “best of the worst” competition. However in this case, a true gem was chosen. I just can’t stop listening to it.

Today was the last day of the horrible children. We read an easy story, and all the words were there in Korean. One of the words was “hungry” and they all knew it. My question was, “what do you do when you’re hungry?” That was a real stumper. No one had any idea what I was talking about. But what really got to me was that some kids were talking and others were doing other things. I was losing it but I didn’t want to lose it. So I walked out. I went into the teacher’s room and just did Internet things for a half hour. I could see some kids looking in the teacher’s room to see if I was there, but I was in no condition to be in front of them.

Cooking with them was no joy. Last week was great and the cookies were edible. This week the cookies looked inedible (I wouldn’t eat one) and the dough didn’t look right. The boys put all their dough on one baking pan when it should have taken two to do it. The cookies were crowded together so there is no way they could have baked properly. (Yes, I’m the baking expert now.) What was even more annoying was that Mankee came into the room and I told him to tell the boys that there were too many on the baking sheet. Did he do that? No, he helped them get every last one on.

They finished the baking almost an hour before quitting time, but I just let them go home. I don’t ever want to see their faces again, so I hope they get lost in the crowd of 40 when school resumes. If next week’s group is worse (I don’t see how that’s possible) then I honestly don’t know how I’ll ride it out. I’m sure I’ll survive, I just can’t see how I’ll do it.

It is so hot. I couldn’t stop sweating after my shower this morning so I went to school early just to be in the air-conditioning. Desperate times call for desperate measures. It took almost a half hour of sitting in the air-conditioned room to stop sweating and dry up. It seems rainy season is over, and now it’s the hot season. I’m told it’s an extra hot summer for here. That’s great for my first year in many years without air-conditioning.

During my first break of the day I retreated to the teacher’s room. One of the teacher’s (who I later found out is the teacher supervisor and just under the vice-principal in the food chain) brought her daughter to school with her and asked if her daughter could join my class. The girl looked to be a teenager and a high school student. She spoke English and I told her that the kids were terrible but she could come to the cooking session.

She sat in on the cooking session and as the kids were leaving she starts talking to me. It seems she came to school with her mother today to specifically meet me. She has just returned from going to a school for 2 months for English in the Philippines. A lot of Koreans go to the Philippines for English. It’s closer than North America and Australia. My age guessing skills were off as usual. She’s a sophomore in University here (she used the word sophomore) and has no “foreign friends” to use English with. So I guess her mother (who speaks little or no English) figures me for a nice guy and brought her daughter so she could speak English.

It was a real pleasure for me. She’s 20 (6 days older than Leah) and studying biology in University. She wants to be a doctor. But, she wants to live in America. She hates Korea. I’m not sure why as she couldn’t really answer that question. She says she only watches American films and listens to American music. Where many Koreans are very nationalistic, she is not nationalistic at all.

We stayed up in the cooking room just chatting for about 90 minutes. She couldn’t understand why I would come to Korea and I explained to her why I was here. She couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t hate it, but I told her some of the good things. She has no idea how I can stand the kids. She says she hates kids. It was very interesting for me. I gave her my phone number and told her to not be shy about using it. I said we could go out and talk anytime. This would be really good. She uses me for practicing English and I get to speak with a Korean who is the same age as my kids. I actually think she will call.

What I didn’t know was that her family lives in Seoul and her mother commutes to the school daily. I was surprised to learn the drive is only about 40 minutes. I know it’s not far but I thought there would be traffic problems. There is a big freeway between here and Seoul but I’ve seen jammed big freeways before. Apparently this one works like it should.

Her name is Ooh-Ri so it’s nice she has a name I can actually say. After the 90 minutes in the cooking room she says we should go downstairs. I had no plans for this afternoon except to stay away from my apartment because today is the cleaning lady’s day. I was just going to go into Ilsan to see if there was a movie worth seeing and to hang out at Starbucks. So spending the extra time talking with her was good for me today.

We go into the teacher’s room and I’m ready to leave. I go to say goodbye and to tell her that she should call me if she wants. Then I have the idea to drag her to Ilsan with me to go to Starbucks so I invite her. She then tells me that her mother wants to buy me lunch today. That’s very nice. I guess it’s payment for my time, but no payment was required. Her mother wasn’t there but was out with friends for lunch. Hmmn.

I accepted because I liked Ooh-Ri and it would be nice to learn a little more about her mother. She seems like a nice lady and always has a smile for me. So her mother came back to the school (I didn’t know at that time that she’d just been out for lunch) and we start to go. They ask me where I want to eat and I say whatever they want as long as it’s not spicy. I’m trying to handle Korean food when invited out by Koreans. There is a long discussion on where to go in English and Korean with Ooh-Ri, her mother, Mankee, the other science teacher, and me. I hear the food court at E-Mart (the supermarket I shop at) and I veto that. I’ve seen that and it’s scary. Then it comes down to either noodles or meat. I say noodles (because I figure this is what the Koreans would prefer).

We’re going out of the school and the mother says, “spaghetti” and I say “Jo-a” which is Korean for “good”. It’s in my very small vocabulary. We go to an Italian restaurant. That’s when I learn that the mother has already eaten. Weird. I’m sitting on one side of the table and Ooh-Ri and her mother are on the other side. I actually felt at times like I was on a date with Ooh-Ri and her mother was chaperoning. I guess it’s because the mother couldn’t be a part of the English conversation and Ooh-Ri wasn’t translating everything for her mother. It felt really weird.

I did get a half-assed invite to their home from the mother. It was I should stop by the next time I’m in Seoul. I ask if that’s a sincere invite and I’m assured it is. So I say, “but I don’t know where you live”. There was some Korean chatter after that and I never got a firm invite or an address.

After lunch we went back to the school where I thanked them again and figured I should be on my way, and not wear out my welcome. Ooh-Ri says, “speak to you soon” so I hope that was sincere. I told her we could go to Starbucks and chat. She says she loves Starbucks.

So that’s my new girlfriend story. She’s a girl and we might become friends. Sometimes things are exactly what they say, but the reader reads some other meaning into what they read. It was a ray of sunshine in an otherwise bleak week.

GET AWAY FROM ME

I know you’re dying to know how many students brought in things for show and tell. If you guessed zero, give yourself a cigar. I was surprised, but not too surprised. So I went through the whole explanation of what I wanted once more. Then I wrote a sentence on the board and made sure everyone said they understood it. It was a statement saying that they’d bring something in today for show and tell. I made everyone write it on a piece of paper and sign it. Then I taught them the word “liar” and told them that they were a bunch of liars because they told me that they all understood what they had to do yesterday. I have very little patience for this group.

Yesterday I would get up, tell the kids not to move, and then I’d go to the teacher’s room and sit there for about 10 minutes calming down before returning. I did that 3 or 4 times. One of the highlights that chased me out of the classroom was one of these simple fable’s we were doing with the Korean translations. There is a line in the story like, The farmer said, “It’s my fault.” I would ask the class who has the whole story translated in front of them, “who’s fault is it?” No one could answer. It was unbelievable. I then walked to every student, pointed at the line in the story and asked them to read it. They did. I said, “who said that?” and they all told me the farmer. So I asked the class, “who’s fault is it?” and none of them could answer. It was personal break time. I really have no idea how to deal with them. They’re not noisy or disruptive, just dense.

I had fewer students yesterday than Tuesday so I was thinking my attitude was chasing some of them away which was good for me. Today there were only 7 kids so I was thinking I did a really good job yesterday. But I was told there was a science camp today so I lost some kids to that. Damn. I thought it was my talent.

So how many students claimed to have brought something in for show and tell today? They all did. Three of them went to the front of the class and showed a pen. What could I say? There is no point in calling them morons because they wouldn’t understand. To me, it’s one thing to not understand, but when they don’t ask questions if they’re not sure it drives me batty. Not knowing something is fine. Not asking is a crime. One kid showed her pen but couldn’t get a word out. Another one’s talk was, “this is a pen”, and then they sat down. I had a pencil case, a school bag, a book, and one other thing that wasn’t something that was brought in strictly for show and tell. If there is a god then he/she is punishing me.

We watched “Wizard of Oz” today. I saw it last week and I watched it again and loved it again. I swear that movie is flawless. I had the Korean subtitles on for the kids because in spite of my lack of love for them, I wanted them to love the movie. I asked a couple of kids after if they liked the movie. They said no. What kind of imbecile doesn’t love the “Wizard of Oz”? Who has ever heard of such an outrage? I was disgusted.

During the movie one boy who was sitting elsewhere came and sat beside me. I’m thinking, “what the fuck is he doing?” I didn’t say anything but I really didn’t want him near me but I couldn’t think of any reason to tell him to piss off. But then he got very fidgety so I just turn to him and said, “get away from me. Go sit somewhere else”. I may have scarred him for life. He’s a little chubby, a little goofy, a little stupid, and I’m sure I didn’t do anything for his self-esteem. But movie time is my time to be alone. I didn’t care at the time if he was hurt by me telling him to get away from me, and I don’t care now. I’ve hit a 4 day low point in my brief teaching career.

Tomorrow is the last day with these kids. I’m almost terrified of what I’ll get next week. I mean for the first time at school this week I’ve actually said, “Shut up”. I never say that. I say, “please be quiet” or “please shut your mouth”, but never “shut up”. What gets me is that I have such disregard for this group that I don’t even care. I could take it if they were slow but interested, or slow and trying, but they’re just slow and happy being slow. Especially that idiot girl in the back doing her math work when I ‘m teaching. But, if she’s learning math in my English class, then I’m performing some kind of service.

I will do the baking with the kids tomorrow. Hopefully they won’t screw up. It’s really hard to screw up this cookie recipe and I know it works from last week. It will kill 2 hours but it bothers me to be doing something with them they might enjoy. Boy, I’m one mean old bastard.

I’m missing classes of 40. The one good thing in a class of 40 is that there are always a couple of shiny pennies in there to give you a little lift. I came to middle school because I thought I’d have conversations with the kids. Conversations with the kids are what I live for at school. I’m so disappointed that I’m not having enough of them. Maybe I should have held out for high school. Maybe I should go to China and teach at the University level. They would actually hire me to teach at a University. Is that scary or what?

Am I losing it? I applied to a job in Austin last night that I am not qualified for but was very interested in. It’s a program director for anti-hate school program set up by the anti-defamation league. It jumped right out at me and I really tried in my introductory email letting them know of my diverse experience working with people all over the world. I also mentioned that I’m Jewish so I understand something of hate. I would leave tomorrow for an opportunity like that. I know I never want to do a computer job again. I’d love something in education or non-profit. I’ve been no use to society in my previous careers and the idea of maybe making a tiny difference in someone’s life is very appealing to me. Maybe I did make a tiny difference in some kid’s life back when I was a teacher in Israel. Maybe I do that here. I don’t know but it’s a nice thought. The problem when you’re 50 and from another field is that no one really wants to take on an older person without the paper and experience qualifications. Life experience isn’t a big seller and it takes an employer who can think “outside the box” to look at someone like that. I have no doubt I could do something like that and do it well. I’ll keep looking and sending if something jumps out at me.

I also applied to a job in Russia in some place near St. Petersburg. It seems there are a lot of English teacher jobs there. Poland is big too. Anyhow I hear St. Petersburg is very pretty and it costs nothing to send an email. I have no idea if I would actually do it. I’ve always wanted to go to Russia, but there are few countries that I haven’t wanted to go to. I do know that you really don’t learn about a place unless you live and work there. I’m not a Korea expert, but I’m sure I know more than anyone who has only visited here.

There are these factions within myself at constant war with each other. There is the adventuresome me who always wanted a life of living someplace for a year or two and experiencing the culture and the people and then moving on to someplace new. Then there is the me who wishes he could be content in one place and could just stay there and be happy. I guess I should have been a dentist, made a boatload of money in one place, and then spent the rest of my life being a traveling man.

I bought my nephew a Leaf’s jersey in Seoul a few month’s ago. If it’s a knockoff it’s a hell of a good job. It looks real to me and it was about $25. I was thrilled to be able to buy him one. I called my sister at midnight her time to check with her if she thought this would be a nice gift for him. I gave it to Elyse to give to Jarrod (hell, I’m probably spelling his name wrong) when we were in Texas for Leah’s wedding. I called Elyse the other day (because no family member ever calls me but that doesn’t bother me at all or so I have to claim) and I remembered to ask if he liked it. Jarrod never called to thank me and I never got a thank you note (he twists the knife) and Jarrod was there and Elyse asked him if he liked it. He said it was “sick”. I’m so out of it. That was a compliment. He likes it. Does this mean that if someone is “feeling great” they’re on their death bed? “Sick”? It did get a laugh. So now besides not understanding Koreans, I can go back to North America and not understand them either.

WHAT SHALL I COMPLAIN ABOUT TODAY?

If you think reading this is tedious at times, think about what I go through not just writing this stuff, but living it. It can’t be as bad as I make it out to be at times, can it? I don’t think I’m that stupid that I would stay somewhere I don’t have to stay unless I felt I was getting more pleasure than aggravation out of it. Would I? Whom I kidding? I would probably stay some place I wasn’t getting enough enjoyment out of, just because I have no place else offering me an exciting alternative. The worst part of being here is not seeing Elana and Leah. If they were younger, I’d be in America (or wherever they are). But they’re older and my physical presence is not required although maybe desired occasionally. I could be in Southern Ontario providing my presence and support to my mother and sister but I honestly feel that living there would make me miserable and life unbearable. So that’s the big guilt I live with. I keep thinking I’m going to be 51 and that sounds so old. I don’t feel 51. 51 used to be old. I still feel like I could be working for fifty more years (at what, I don’t know and I don’t want to work). I feel that I could father a child because I was/am pretty good at being a father. Of course, that’s just my viewpoint. Only 2 people really get a vote on that. I could see myself with a young child, but I can’t see myself at 70 with a teenager. I’ve always thought it was kind of sad for teenagers to have senior citizen parents. I suppose the same things could hold true at 70 as they do at 50, and that being the truth that you really are as old as you feel you want to be. Of course, there is the question of who would be the mother of this child. No one has filled out an application form yet.

Without humor, no matter how warped or sick it may be, I’m lost.

Camp was deadly today. I couldn’t get across the concept of making a movie. Things like coming up with ideas and writing dialogue. So there will be no movie-making with this group. I was really hoping they would catch on but it’s not happening. I’m using more Korean translation than I ever have. I have an electronic dictionary so I look up the word in the dictionary and I write the Korean and the English on the board. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I cannot believe I have sunk to this point. The movie was a big part of the week, requiring more than one day to do everything. With that gone, I have more hours to fill with me getting frustrated.

I did release some frustration today in a way that didn’t offend the kids. I hid behind the white board in class at one point, and let out a huge scream. It released some of my tension and the kids thought it was funny. So that works because they don’t get hurt by me appearing too disdainful of their puny brains.

Today’s tough question that took me a half hour to get across to them was, “where do you live?” I don’t know. Maybe it’s me and they just don’t understand what I’m saying. I speak slowly. I speak clearly. I’ve never had a problem having some kids understand within the group, but these students have defeated me. At the first break (and when I announce it’s break I have to tell them to stand up and get lost), I went into the teacher’s room. Mankee (or maybe it’s Mangi, who knows) was there. He’s on duty this week manning the teacher’s room to answer questions from anyone who might wander in. I was going on and on about how this was the worst group I’d ever seen and I was not prepared for them. He went into his bag and pulled out a simple English book of Aesop’s fables. It had a Korean translation of everything. I was quite surprised and asked him how he happened to have this with him as he’s a science teacher. He said it was his girlfriend’s who teaches at an English academy. Of course, that doesn’t explain why he had it, but it would have been too much work to find out the answer to that. So I used the book. I was killing time. I would read the short story and then make every kid read out loud. There are exercises in it that any idiot can do so we did them. Unfortunately there aren’t enough of them.

I told them that tomorrow we would do “show and tell”. That was a joy explaining that to them. I used Korean to explain what it was but I’m not sure if they understood. They’re all supposed to bring something in to class. My guess is that maybe 2 or 3 will bring something in. Three more days of them. I have 2 hours that the “Wizard of Oz” will take care of, and 2 hours that baking cookies will take care of. That leaves my eight hours to kill. I want this week over. Now!

When class finished I went into the teacher’s room and spent about an hour just chatting with Mankee. He has the terribly annoying habit like most Korean’s I know of answering a question with “maybe”. I asked him what day that school resumed after summer vacation. His answer was, “maybe August 21st”. I said, “forget maybe. It’s a yes or no question”. I then went into my rant on Korean’s saying “maybe”. He agreed that they do as they are not likely to be exact about anything. However, he told me that it really was maybe because he wasn’t sure. One of the problems at our school is that they are very disorganized. When I asked him if he liked teaching there, he shrugged his shoulders and said it’s too disorganized. I then said it’s the principal’s fault because he’s the boss. He said, “maybe” because I guess it would be treason to accuse the principal of being human.

He asked another teacher who was there when school resumes. She knew so there was a definite answer. It was August 22nd so I’m glad I asked because I thought it was the 21st and I would have been there. What a place. I guess Mankee would have been there too. The teacher he asked then was asking him questions about me. I could tell from certain words what she was asking. It was things like where was I from. I heard him say Toronto so I told her in English that I’d lived the last 10 years in Texas before Korea and Mankee repeated it in Korean in case she didn’t understand.

I asked Mankee how long he’s been going out with his girlfriend and he told me a year and a half. No maybe. He knew that. I was impressed. So I was interested to know if it was like America where people would ask him, “when are you two getting married?” I think he said it was like that in Korea. He thought I was asking him that (I told him I wasn’t) and he said, “maybe February”. February is only 6 months away so I asked him how long it takes to plan a wedding. In America people start planning almost a year away from the event. He didn’t really answer that. It was “maybe February. I don’t know.” Maybe, maybe, maybe.

I came home and was looking on the Internet for places to go on my vacation. Going on vacation in the summer sucks. Too many people on vacation. It’s high season. It’s expensive. But I don’t have a choice. If I did, I’d be going in the fall. I don’t want to spend the extra money but I can live with that. It’s the idea of crowds that bothers me more. I guess there is a downside to teacher’s vacations. Everyone is jealous of all the time off they get, but then they have to travel (if they want) during the busy times.

You know, I could go on and on in circles about the things running around inside my head but I tell myself there’s no point. It doesn’t go anywhere or solve anything. I truly do wish at times I was empty-headed, instead of just a plain old fool.