BOY, THE LONGEST TIME BETWEEN POSTS

It’s been a week since I’ve posted and of course, I have to ask myself why. Am I deliriously happy? That’s a joke. Am I in the depths of depression so bad that I can’t write? No, not that. Do I have nothing new to say? Perhaps. Sometimes I think I’m a broken record. I really don’t have a reason. I have some inklings of what might be reasons.

Yes, perhaps I don’t want to keep repeating myself. There is no new excitement in my life really. And my number one reason is that if something is really bothering me and I don’t write about it then maybe it will go away. Maybe I don’t actually want to dwell on a problem more than I have to. Sometimes it’s therapeutic to write and sometimes it’s just wallowing in self-pity. It’s a fine line.

I last wrote last Friday night which was the beginning of the long weekend, Christmas wise. Christmas day was a work holiday for many people, but all the stores and restaurants were open. It’s weird. It kind of feels like Christmas but not exactly. There are too many differences with North America. The stores aren’t jam packed which is good. There aren’t lights everywhere. There are too many Christmas songs in stores but you can’t have everything.

Saturday I did nothing during the day. At night I met Robert in Seoul and we went book-shopping and to dinner at a pita restaurant. It wasn’t too bad. Then of course, Starbucks for dessert. Saeyoon had choir practice for hours and hours on Saturday so we didn’t see each other. I can’t believe Robert is leaving me. When I give it a second or two of thought, it depresses me. Who will I bore with my problems? Who will I have a natural English speaking night out with? I think we’ll stay friends after his return to Toronto. I hope so. We have forged a friendship but I know that sometimes people are lazy about writing and no longer have the common bond that brought them together. I hope that Robert and I transcend that and remain good friends. He’s good people.

Sunday was the start of events (that seem silly) that brought me down for a few days and threatened my blossoming relationship with Saeyoon. She was coming over after church but she sent me a message from church asking if I minded if we spent time that day with her friend Choong Ho (or something like that). I said I did. We hadn’t seen each other in a week and in a text message it sounds like all our time will be spent with him. (I think it was asking if we could spend some of the time with him). But as I said, since I was asked I said that I didn’t want to.

What Saeyoon did was come over here for a few hours and then go out with her friend. Korean’s will do that. They will make plans with you and then break them. Yoon Soo used to do that to me and he won’t anymore because he sees it’s wrong. Saeyoon had always told me it’s wrong but there she is doing it herself. I was annoyed and thought it was terribly wrong but I didn’t have a fit or anything. I was very pleasant and mature about the whole thing. Sometimes I can be a big boy.

I asked her if she was going out drinking and she said no, as she had to be at church in the morning (Xmas morning) at 9 for choir. She said she’d call me later. I get a text message at 1 in the morning (waking me up) asking me what movie I had just recommended to her the other day as she was looking for it. It seems that Choong Ho and her wanted to go to a DVD room (where you use a DVD player and watch a movie) to see a movie. He was drunk and I have no idea about her, but I would say she had been drinking. I sent her the name of the movie and went back to sleep. At 3AM I get a message from her saying, “hello” and I was not happy. It woke me up, it meant she had just got home, and she wasn’t following through on her plans to be well-rested for the Xmas performance at church.

We had a few back and forth messages and I was very annoyed. I probably would have just been annoyed and over it if she had just broken the date, went out, came back at a normal time, called me, and that was that. Drinking, staying out, dumping me, and waking me up twice was not the best thing. She sent me one message that said something like I was too good for her because she is so rude. Where I come from that is usually a break up message. I am well past the age where you break up because the other person is too good for you (which is the self-pity break up). I messaged her to call me which she did.

It wasn’t a breakup message and we talked for a while. It did not go that well as she needed sleep and I was annoyed. At about 5:30 in the morning we got off the phone and she was still planning on coming over that afternoon after church. I can’t hold on to my anger anymore. I get angry or annoyed and it lasts 5 minutes and then it has to go away. I used to be able to hold a grudge for decades but I can’t have a 1 hour fight anymore. It’s probably that I’m just a little older and wiser now.

I really expected her to blow me off on Monday because of her being tired but she didn’t. She came over and we didn’t fight and we had a nice time. We went to dinner at Friday’s (all restaurants were crowded) and I wanted meat. They had a salad bar so she was happy. I don’t know what happened at dinner but I started feeling really down. So, I poured my heart out to her. And she understood what I was saying and she was as compassionate as you can be in a crowded restaurant. I still felt a little down, but I also felt good that I was with someone who was there for me.

As I was driving her home she was having trouble understanding the things I was saying. It happens when she’s tired. Her English comprehension goes downhill and that’s quite understandable. When we got to her place I had just asked her a question which she answered and then she answered it again with the opposite answer. I pointed this out and that’s when she started hammering on the dashboard, yelling, then she yelled she was sorry, then she stormed out of the car. I’ve mentioned she has an anger problem and I’m usually pretty good at keeping it in perspective (it’s not personal) and trying to be understanding and supportive towards guiding her to get some help with this. However, this was not a good time to yell at me. She was tired but that was her own fault. She shouldn’t have stayed out so late. I was the one feeling down who needed someone. Sometimes even if you don’t feel great, you give of yourself to another person because they need you more that what your own small problem is. She didn’t and I was annoyed.

I went home and just started thinking about things. I wasn’t going to do anything rash but take my time and see how I felt. On Tuesday night she sent me a message that started, “see—that’s me” and then continued to say we should see each other Wednesday evening if that was okay with me. I did not reply. “See—that’s me” is not appropriate. I won’t accept that is her. It might be who she chooses to be but it doesn’t have to be her. I believe she’s better than that. I know I might only be seeing what I want to see but I truly believe she is a good person and this is just a problem that can be overcome with the right help of a professional kind.

She didn’t send another message that night and I never replied to her message and then on Wednesday she phoned. I would not pick up my phone. Childish? Perhaps. However, I really didn’t know what to say. I was seriously thinking whether or not this is worth it. I’m feeling down because of this and it’s affecting my work. I don’t need any more problems (and who does). It’s one thing to be supportive of someone with a problem, it’s another to be a doormat which is how I was feeling.

She then sent me a message asking me to answer the phone and she called again. I didn’t answer. In my head I knew there was only one thing she could do to make things better and that was to come to me without being asked. Sometimes when I fuck up (and I do) I will go to her out of the blue to apologize. I then get a message saying she’s on the way to my place and if I don’t want her there I should say so. I’m still tutoring while all this is going on. I replied to that message reminded her of my key code to get in and letting her know there was food to eat, and that she should turn on the heat. I wouldn’t be there for another 2 hours.

I came in and she was here. She did the right thing. It’s not black and white. She obviously knew what she needed to do to patch things up. It was kind of cute. She was writing letters to her student’s parents and I lay down on the floor. She said I fell asleep for about 30 minutes. It was quite domestic and I liked it. It was really very nice and comfortable. We then talked about Monday and I told her that I won’t be her punching bag. I will do anything for her to help her except that. I told her that if she hadn’t had come over on her own, I don’t know if we would have had any future.

We all screw up. She knows she shouldn’t have dumped me on Sunday. She knows she shouldn’t have had a fit on Monday night. I’m very happy that she took the steps that needed to be taken to fix things up. It’s one of those points in time where some of your future is decided. By her doing what she did, it bodes well for any future we may have.

I couldn’t bring myself to write about it before. I had to have it swirling around in my mind. Now that it’s settled I can mention it. It might seem weird because Saeyoon reads this sometimes but things are what they are. I’m not saying anything I wouldn’t or haven’t said to her. Obviously I think there are many wonderful things about her and that they outweigh the problems. Problems are everywhere in life and they can and should be worked out. If you can’t do it, then you really don’t want to fix things. Life isn’t perfect. Far from it. But I manage. No choice. And there are some very good things and people in my life.

Work is work. It’s boring and the driving gets more annoying each day. I did tell my 14 year old student (the one who spent 2 years in Canada) all my problems and ask her what I should do. I wanted a fresh perspective on things. She was of the opinion I should go back to North America. Do you think it means I have a seriously problem if I’m discussing my life with a 14 year old girl?

Today at one of the academies I work at, I asked the English teacher who speaks good English and seems nice if she wanted to go out for coffee or dinner one night. I was nervous. I started the conversation by saying, “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea”. She’s about 25 and I don’t want her to think I’m some pervert. I then said that I think she will be an excellent teacher and she said, “what’s wrong with what I do”. I think she thought I was going to give her a critique on her teaching. I told her to just let me finish and told her that because I respect the teaching she’s doing, and she seems like an interesting person I’d like to be friends. She was receptive to that idea so I think we’ll go out one night next week. I sure have come a long way. Now I’m picking up women to be friends with. Who would have thunk it?

So life goes on with it’s ups and downs. Sometimes good comes from bad. Of course, sometimes worse comes from bad but I like to think that good is coming from bad. I sure as hell can’t figure life out but I do try.

Today at a school a little boy told me he loved me. Another little boy gave me a kiss. There are always little rays of sunshine.

Here is a picture of Saeyoon and I in my apartment with an ice cream cake she brought over on the 24th. Koreans go in big for cakes on xmas. As I'm becoming a true Korean, I do all my eating on the floor.

YOU BETTER NOT LAUGH

Today at a new kindergarten customer I made my first appearance. Not as Martin the loveable teacher but as jolly old St. Nick. That’s right, yours truly played Santa Claus for about 250 kids. I put on my lame costume that allows me to inhale phony beard hairs (next time I use my own beard) and sat in a room. They brought classes of kids in (which I thought would never end) and each kid came up to me for some stimulating conversation.

“Hello”, says I. They might respond.
“What’s your name”? says I. They might respond.
“Have you been a good boy/girl”? says I. They might respond.

There was a Korean woman standing behind kids translating my words shown above but I don’t think it helped. I then gave each kid a gift. 250 times. Then they would pose for a picture taken by this professional looking photographer. There was also a videographer shooting everything.

Once you say the same thing so many times, you forget what you’re saying. Sometimes I’d start to say, “How old are you”? but then I remembered that would be too difficult and stop myself. Sometimes I’d just draw a blank and not know what to say and then it would come back. The whole process took about 2 ½ grueling hours.

There was the occasional break where the kids would entertain me with a song. I heard “Let It Be” twice. Sort of. They couldn’t really say the words in a way I could understand. There was also “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” twice and some other Christmas songs, some sung in Korean.

I like little kids. They’re fun. But I hate being Santa. It’s boring and stupid. Kyle promised me an expensive lunch for doing it and the kindergarten owner gave Kyle and I both $10 when we left to buy ourselves lunch. The perks of being Santa.

I took my camera so Kyle could take pictures but he only shot movies and the room was dark. You can’t use the flash when you do movies on my camera, so they’re useless. I have no pictures to share. I will ask Kyle if he can get some the professional took so I can share them and take them out every year to remind me to never do this again.

Only 2 kids cried when coming up to me which wasn’t too bad. One of them recovered enough later to come up again without crying. Kyle said I’m good at it and you can see I like kids. I don’t know if I’m good at it but I do know that I don’t like it.

Yesterday a new girl (about 6) started at one of the academies I work at. I walk into class and she starts crying. Why is she crying? I’m told she once had a foreign teacher who hit her. I find that hard to believe but what do I know. She calmed down after a while.

At the other academy where I started on Tuesday night, I returned on Thursday night. I had 4 new classes and they were all nice kids. It seems that only the annoying kids go on Tuesdays. They’re not good at English and know very little, but they listen and are well behaved so they are okay in my book.

I’m starting to wonder how long I can last working with kids who I can’t really talk to. They’re nice, they try, and all that but it is going to turn into a drag I’m sure. If I’d work nights, I could have older kids who I can talk to, but I hate working nights. We will just have to see what we see.

Kyle and I took the car to be fixed yesterday. They quoted a price and we left it there. We went to pick it up today and they did other things and wanted money. We didn’t pay. Kyle says that this is not the regular way things are done in Korea. A quote is a quote and if something changes they notify you and ask permission. The car place didn’t put up a fight over not being paid for the extra. It was strange that they would do such a thing.

I met with the middle school girl who spent 2 years in Canada today. Her mother served juice and I liked it. I asked what kind it was so I could buy some. They showed me and then gave me a big package. She has also given me ginger tea. I have to be careful about saying what I like when I’m there, I may end up owning their home.

It’s a long weekend. No work on Monday as they have Christmas off here. So here I am on a Friday night doing nothing. Yes, it’s lonely. Saeyoon is out with a former classmate. Supposedly we’re seeing each other tomorrow morning as she plays organ in church tomorrow for several services beginning at 3. So tomorrow night I’m alone. Sunday she just has the regular service so she’ll come over after that and I believe she is bringing a blueberry cheesecake ice cream cake. Sounds good to me. I think we’re hanging out Monday. But this is Korea where nothing is sure until it’s done. Plans are made to be broken.

My problem, obviously, is a lack of friends and activities. I like seeing Saeyoon the best, but I need other things. Robert is an occasional outing but he departs the end of February. Yoon Soo is far away now and hasn’t called me and he should have by now. And that’s it I think. I am thinking of trying to make friends with 2 English teachers I have met and respect. They are both young women. One works at the kindergarten and the other works at one of the academies. They’re English is good and I think they’re good at their job. I just don’t know how to approach it. “Excuse me, I’m not hitting on you but would you like to go out”? I may have to ask Kyle for the Korean view of how to approach this but I’m not sure he would know. I think he believes in hitting on everything.

I’m putting on weight. Too much sitting home and eating crap at night. Loneliness will do that to you. Maybe if I get a fixed schedule I will actually sign up for some activity. I don’t want to start moaning again about being lonely; it’s just a fact of life. I don’t know what I need to make me stop being lonely. I have a girlfriend and that is good. When we’re together, I’m not lonely. When we’re apart, I am. And that my friends is pathetic. (At least I know when I’m being pathetic).

Sometimes I think about returning to North America. I have no idea what I’d do but Laura says I should stop saying that as there are plenty of things I could do. (I hate positive people). Leah says I should return to Austin and I must admit the weather is appealing and I do have 3 friends there (Leah and Taylor and Laura). However, I’m not leaving here while Saeyoon and I have something going on. I still want to see where this goes. She says she’s open to leaving Korea, so you never know.

All I can say is what good is sitting alone in your room, come here the music play. Life is a Korean adventure old chum so come down the Bucheon way. (And on that foul note, I shall depart).

WHAT WOULD GET ME OUT OF KOREA IN A HURRY

To have a school age child. Not that it’s in my immediate plans, but it’s what comes to mind. Maybe this was a polite, well-mannered country at one time where children were raised to be respectful and have manners, but if it was those days are long gone. I find the majority of children here to have terrible manners and a lack of politeness that is quite disturbing. I have come into contact with quite a few children in the last 10 and a half months so I am somewhat qualified to make this observation.

I started work last night at the academy I was at the other day. I had five classes and most of these kids (aged 10 to 12) knew less than the kindergarten I’m at. I was back doing discipline (stand up over there) and trying to be pleasant to kids who I really didn’t like. I actually said “shut up” which I never say. It just slipped out. The books they chose for these kids, while simple, are way over their heads. No one knew what an elbow was. I went to the other English teacher who I met (and whose English is awful) and said I needed books for the class and a gun. She asked me what the gun was for and I said to kill myself.

I will admit that the last class of the five, while not brilliant was at least well-mannered and pleasant. I liked them and I had the other English teacher tell them that. I have no problem praising kids for being well-behaved. It’s such a shock to me when they are. Why did I ever have the idea that Oriental children are well-behaved? Of course, this is only Korea so maybe they are in Japan and China. Somehow I’m doubtful.

During a five minute break between classes a man takes me into a room to introduce himself and talk to me. His English was very poor. He managed (with my help) to tell me he was the vice-principal there and if I needed anything to just come to him. Of course, maybe I was putting words into his mouth. I asked him what he taught thinking it was math or something and he said English. It was all I could do to not scream.

Teaching a language is tough when you don’t have anyone who speaks the language. It’s tough when the students can’t practice speaking outside of class. I’m not sure why they bring all these foreigners in here to teach. They might say that it’s so the kids are exposed to native English speakers but I’m not sure. Sometimes I think it’s just for show. Put a white face in the class and everyone is impressed. Who cares if they speak English as long as they look the part.

I noticed the woman English teacher (who thought I was 35) carried a stick so I assume she hits kids. How impressive. Public schools have 40 kids in a class which is almost impossible to teach and then these kids go to academies for hours for more “learning”. I’ll never adjust and I would never subject a child of mine to this. So for the sake of freaking out my kids, if I ever have a child in Korea I’m out of here (with the kid and maybe the mother) by the time the child is school age.

The weather has warmed up somewhat so I’m not freezing. The cold remains and I fear it will be here for months. I have no idea what to do about it except to wait it out. It’s not fun.

I had my oil changed the other day and the mechanic said the car needed an oil seal, a timing belt, and 2 new tires. The problem with this is that Kyle had agreed to buy my car from me and now he wants to split the repair cost. I should have just sold the car and had him buy me a car (as the job comes with a car) but I thought this would be easier for everyone. If he would have done this on day one then all would be fine. But things dragged along and I wasn’t happy about this. I wasn’t going to argue with him about it because I really don’t want to fight with anyone. I told him that he could back out of the deal and just get me a car. His counter was to split the cost because he thinks he’s being a nice guy by doing that. I really don’t have the energy to go out and sell it on my own so we will probably do this. I will not hold it against him because he puts good things in the bank of our relationship.

He thanked me today for working past 6 3 nights this week as our deal is for only 2 late nights a week. I like the little things like that. Obviously he was brought up with manners and he understands that if you are good to your employees, then the chances are they will be better employees. So because I do think he makes an effort to see that I’m happy, and he does seem to care how I feel, I forgive him the immature things he does. I mean, in the scheme of life how important is all this? Not very important I would venture to say.

I wish I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I know it’s getting kind of late but all I can think of is I sort of like hanging out and talking with kids. I don’t know if there is much of a market for that. If you hear of a job doing that, please let me know.

The consensus here seems to be that I have a kind face. When Kyle and I met the academy owner the other night (who doesn’t speak English), Kyle said he liked me. I said how could he like me, he never talked to me. He liked me because I have a kind face. Maybe I do and I’ve heard it from others. Maybe only Korean people find my face kind. Maybe I radiate kindness.

So Laura asks me what I’m going to do for my one year anniversary in Korea coming in February. My answer was that I’ll be in Toronto on that day. It was funny. I asked Elana today if she’s surprised I made it a year here and she said she wasn’t, just surprised that I had 3 jobs. I look at it as if I don’t have to be here, why stay in a job I don’t like. I have freedom of movement. I’m sick of moving at the moment and the idea of changing jobs again does not appeal to me. (I have no plans to bail on this job…..yet). I can’t believe I’ll have lasted a year here and will be here even longer (unless something changes quickly). Life definitely is unpredictable.

I’m fine as long as everything is going smoothly. I find that the littlest thing can send me to feeling down. I can’t shake off things. I get down and have to get back up. I would rather just shake it off. I’m not sure of exactly what I want. I know that’s no surprise to anyone. I’m resilient, but I’d rather be resilient without being up and down regardless of how brief the downs are.

I’m almost afraid at times to actually say what would make me happy. I’m afraid if I do that then it can’t happen. I think it was more defined when I was younger as to what could make you happy. If your kids were happy and healthy, your job was secure, their was a roof over your head and food on the table, and there was money for fun things then things were pretty good. It also kept you busy so you didn’t have time to think too much about “happiness”. You just were. Now that I’m alone I have much more time to think about what makes me happy. Life is a bugger at times.

I hope Starbucks stops playing Christmas songs next week. It’s not like North America here where you are inundated with Christmas things everywhere you go. There is just a bit but I have heard too many Christmas songs already. I will say though that I do like Bruce Springsteen singing, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”. I haven’t heard the Crosby/Bowie rendition of “Little Drummer Boy” this year and I would like to hear that though, a rum bum bum bumpf.

I bought Saeyoon a gift on Sunday and told her it was a Chanukah gift. I bought her 4 pairs of socks. She wears socks that people under the age of 70 shouldn’t be caught dead in and I always told her I was going to buy her some decent socks. So I went out and bought some colorful and young looking socks. She was surprised and liked them. It’s not the price or the size of the gift, it’s the thought.

So how’s the relationship going you may ask. Of course, maybe you’re not asking. It seems to be reasonably stable and going along nicely and growing. I will admit I do miss her a lot when I don’t see her. This week hasn’t been good because of our work schedules so I don’t think we’ll see each other until the weekend. Next week it should be more normal. I do enjoy spending time with her. She puts a smile on my face and in my heart. I can’t understand totally what it is about her that moves me but I’m not complaining about it. It’s nice to care and have someone who cares about you. Of course now that I’ve written this there will probably be a big fight coming.

I can feel that pieces of my life make sense and are in place while other pieces are not in place and I’m just lost. It’s difficult to explain. Can I achieve 100% contentment with my lot in life? Does anyone? I think that I think too much. I need to find a travel agent who offers holidays where you can get away from yourself.

REMIND ME AGAIN WHY I LEFT TEXAS

It’s been cold. I’ve driven in snow. I’ve had to put on my winter coat (Thanks Paul). I don’t like the cold. I miss Texas winters. All I can say is Yuck.

Saturday night Saeyoon and I went to Costco to buy some crap. She wanted candy for her students and I bought some unhealthy things for myself. She made me put back the marshmallows which she may never be forgiven for. I can hold a grudge. Traffic was hell. It seems that everyone in Korea takes their car out on the weekend. I hate driving on the weekends. We get to Costco and I join. It’s about $35 for the year which is the same as North America. At the bottom it says your spouse can have a free card so I tell Saeyoon that she should pretend to be my spouse and get one. She fills it in and they say to her that we don’t have the same last name so she confesses we’re not married. I told her that in North America some women keep their names. She knew that but forgot so no card for her.

Whereas in North America there are deals galore at Costco, here in Korea it’s ripoff city to me. If it’s imported, it’s expensive. So I don’t go overboard. I look at everything and I say, “too expensive”. It’s too bad because some things are tempting.

We are driving back and it starts snowing. I was unprepared. Then it starts snowing harder. And the roads are icing. I was pleased that the crazy Korean drivers actually slowed down and drove safely but it was weird for me. It’s been a long time since I’ve driven in falling snow. I can’t say I miss it. It took me twice as long to get home and it was cold. I have retired my spring jacket and am accepting that it’s winter. I lost my boots somewhere so I’m still wearing my running shoes. Maybe I will graduate to boots.

Sunday I introduced Robert to Saeyoon as the three of us had dinner together. It went quite well. There is a buffet restaurant in my building and we went there. It sucked for me. Sushi, California roll (sushi stuff), seafood nastiness, dim sum, pork, and salad. But I tried something different. I had heard good things about it, but Korean standards are not my standards.

We had a nice visit and the two of them got along quite nicely as I knew they would. It was nice to introduce her to a friend of mine finally. Actually she had met another of my friends in the past but he wasn’t a good friend. The time flew by and I was pleased by the results. I know sometimes you get nervous when you bring two friends together and you worry they won’t like each other. But sometimes there is nothing to worry about.

Friday night was the party at Outback. We didn’t order our own meals which was a disappointment to me. Kyle ordered a bunch of stuff and we all shared. I don’t like sharing, I want my own. The kids (over 40 of them) seemed to have fun. We played some games and I dressed as Santa Claus. Yes, get the Jew to be Santa Claus. It was cute.

I met another English teacher Kyle has working for him named Eric. Nice guy who has been in Korea for 5 ½ years. He’s married to a Korean woman and he has a gorgeous 1 year old son. This kid (Caleb) does not make strange with anyone. I was holding him half the night. Kids would come up to me and ask who he was and I’d tell them that he was my brother because after all, he wasn’t heavy. (Groooooooooan).

So you have all these kids, Eric and his family, Kyle brought his brother and mother, and me. I was so depressed. I felt so alone. Sometimes this loneliness thing just bites you really bad when you’re not expecting it. It tries to drag you down to the depths of depression and you fight strongly against it. I should have had fun but I couldn’t. All I could think of was that I was alone. It’s so strange that as a person who never really cared about belonging to anything, I know find I want to belong to something. I do not want to be a solitary man. I don’t want to be a rock. I don’t want to be an island. (I liked when I belonged to my family when the 4 of us lived together. The dynamics change as the kids get older).

I see my family in less than 2 months so that should help me. But if I’m to stay and survive here I must start to get a feeling of belonging to something or someone. When I’m with Saeyoon I do not feel alone. I can forget everything else except for us. However, I need to make the leap to where that carries over to the times we are not together. I miss her and would much rather be with her than without her, but I need to get some inner peace that carries me through those times. I’m hoping I’ll develop that with time.

The school year finishes the end of the month for kids and then they are off until March 1st. I should be working mostly days for these holidays which is good. I start at an academy near here tonight for 2 nights a week, 4 hours a shot. I met on of the English teachers last night and her English was pretty bad. They have no foreign speakers there but there are about 500 students. It’s not just an English Academy but there is math, science, and other things. To hire a foreign speaker you need to be a “Language Academy”. So they hire Kyle to get around that and he provides me. I’m not looking forward to it as I’m sure the kids will be annoying.

The English teacher (she was young) asked me how old I was. I told her to guess and she said 35. Where do they find these numbers. I mean 37 would have been realistic, but 35? We had a meeting with the owner who doesn’t speak English and when he left the room Kyle said that he like me. I said, “how can he like me, he didn’t talk to me”. It seems I have a kind face. I hear that a lot from Koreans. I don’t know if that’s how North Americans see my face, but it goes over well here. And it’s flattering. Even more flattering than the young age. I like to think I have a kind face and a personality to go along with it.

I was talking to Laura on Saturday and she said she was going out for lunch and eating outside. A curse on her! I’m freezing while others are eating outside. There is no justice. If I can make it through these next 50 years without cracking up, I’ll be okay.

WHAT DO THE CATHOLIC CHURCH AND KFC HAVE IN COMMON FOR ME?

Tonight I visited both for the first time in years. I met Saeyoon after work and we went to grab a quick bite to eat. KFC was close so I broke down and had a chicken sandwich. I didn’t die. She doesn’t eat meat so she had a biscuit and cole slaw. Of course this wasn’t much so she went to another place and got fish soup. It smelled nasty. It’s so humorous that I’m dating someone who doesn’t eat meat. Most of the stuff she likes (Korean), I can’t handle. She’s not a vegetarian, she just doesn’t eat meat. Nothing wrong with that, but who would have thought I’d be out with someone like that.

That was our prelude to going to church. Saeyoon’s mother is Catholic. Her father is Buddhist. Saeyoon is who knows what but plays the organ in a Presbyterian church. Her mother asked her to go to mass tonight. Tonight’s mass is for people to confess their biggest sin of the year. There’s a big line of people to go up to the priests and tell them their worst sin. Apparently this is done before Christmas and she went because her mom wanted her to. I went because she went, and because it would be an interesting cultural experience. It was kind of interesting. I was the only white guy there, but I love how the Koreans don’t stare at you. Kids will and that’s okay, but adults don’t.

So I’m going out with a non-meat eating Christian of sorts. I’m glad I’m a little more tolerant than I used to be.

Tomorrow evening is the Outback party. Free steak! Whoopee! No classes tomorrow, just this party. I think I can handle that.

I might get my hair cut this weekend. I’m psyching myself up because I hate haircuts. If I go to Toronto in February without cutting my hair, my mother will kill me. It’s nice to still be someone’s kid.

The family gathers at my sister’s on Saturday day for the Chanukah dinner and the exchange of gifts. I’m sorry I’m missing that. I could use some new socks. Leah won’t be there, I won’t be there. Sometimes it’s no fun growing up. (If that’s what this is).

I’m stuffing my face with caramel corn and peach ice tea. This is the life.

IS LIFE NORMAL?

I obviously post less than I used to. Is this because my life has settled down into some kind of normalcy? I find that hard to believe. How can this be normal? What is normal?

I work (sort of), I buy groceries, I sleep, I play on the computer, I read, I watch DVD’s, I eat, I have a girlfriend, I drink coffee, I drive a car, and a bunch of other things. Does it matter if it’s in Korea or North America? Am I no longer having an adventure but have settled into some sort of routine existence?

Now I know it doesn’t feel 100% normal. I’m aware of the fact that I’m a foreigner here. I don’t look like other people and I don’t speak the language. It’s amazing how well you can get along without speaking the language. But how much different would it be if I lived in Boise, Idaho? I bet those people in Idaho are weird.

I am venting a lot less. Is this because I’ve adjusted and accepted, or I’m just tired of venting? I have a lot of questions. I’m not complaining but if my life has settled down then it should allow me to examine it more rationally than before. Let’s face it, I haven’t always done the most rational things.

It’s really weird to be living here in Korea and thinking that it’s a “normal” life at times. I have the never-ending cold/bronchitis which is no fun. I don’t really care for my job which is normal, but much better than hating my job. I suppose the biggest not normal thing is not having any family within a decent distance.

Am I lonely? Yes. Is it an unbearable loneliness? No. Do I enjoy parts of my life? Yes. Do I take pleasure in some of the things I do? Yes. Am I unhappy about some parts of my life? Yes. This all sounds pretty regular to me.

I get the feeling that something is happening that I can’t explain. I’ve had these feelings before and been wrong but sometimes I feel like I’m on the cusp of something and some revelation or acceptance will come to me. Perhaps I’ll have an epiphany. I’ve only had one of those before and that was when I realized that I didn’t know anything. It’s a hell of an epiphany to have.

Sometimes I feel like Tony in “West Side Story”. Something’s coming. Maybe I’m just imagining it.

Sometimes it’s frightening. Is this it? Is this all there is? What’s it all about, Alfie? When I ask people back in North America what’s doing, it’s usually nothing much. Just life as usual. I guess I have life as usual.

I guess that’s why I don’t post as much. Or maybe it’s because of this damn illness which I fight every day.

I’m off to teach kindergarten shortly. I like that. The kids give me an energy boost. I did the Chanukah class at Robert’s school and it was great. He has 6 year olds and this is their 3rd year of English immersion. They were terrific. Almost bilingual. I was so impressed. I now understand why he stays when other things at the school bother him. Those kids are worth it.

Still kicking. Still trying to work it out. I don’t have the answers yet but it’s only been 50+ years. Just give me a little time.

CAN'T SING

That’s not news to anyone who knows me but today it was confirmed that I cannot sing a note. The only person I’ve tortured with my singing here is Saeyoon. I’ll ask her if she knows a song and then I’ll sing a bit of it. After doing this a few times she declared, “every song sounds the same”. So now when I ask her if she knows a song, I’ll say, “I’d sing it for you but it will just sound like all the others”. She thinks I only know one song and keep changing the words.

So I can’t sing a song. Today it got down to notes. I was doing a class with my 2 middle school girls who I enjoy being with. They’re 14 (American age) and it’s interesting to hear what they say. One girl (English name of Ginny) said today that Mondays are good days. I’ve never heard that before and told her. Then I asked her why and it’s because she sees “Longman” on the bus on Mondays. I was confused as to what’s a “Longman”. Ginny is quite tall (about 5’8” or so) and “Longman” is a tall senior in the high school that’s attached to the middle school she goes to. She has a little crush on him. I told her it’s not “long” but “tall”. But she insists on calling him “Longman”. It’s cute. She also sees “Longman 2” on Mondays. That’s right, another tall and cute high school guy.

The girls were pretty wired and I just let them ramble on because it’s entertaining and they have to work without knowing it to explain things to me. Then they started singing and it got to where they would start with a low note and alternate going up one note each time. They asked me to join in so in the spirit of the class, I did. After going through this they said to me that every note I sang sounded the same. So it’s confirmed. Either I can’t sing a note, or Koreans are tone deaf.

The little company I work for is having a Christmas party for the kids on Friday for dinner. Guess where it’s going to be at? OUTBACK. Can you believe it? It’s going to cost Kyle a small fortune but what the hell, it’s his money. I wouldn’t take 40 kids to Outback but he says some places don’t like having large groups of kids but the American chains love it. Of course they do. It’s easy money. I wonder if Outback has a party room?

Tomorrow morning I am teaching Chanukah to Robert’s kindergarten class. He is trying to teach his kids about all the seasonal holidays that occur this time of year. As the only Jew in Korea, he asked me to “teach” Chanukah and I said yes. Of course I have no menorah to show them or dreidel to play with. I think he’s bringing in Play-doh so we can make dreidels.

It’s kind of funny having the atheist Jew teach Chanukah to Korean kids who wouldn’t know a Jew from a jackrabbit. I like what he’s doing though in trying to introduce his kids to other things that are unfamiliar to Koreans.

I only slept an hour at a time last night before waking up to cough out a lung. I was dead tired. It was horrible. I am so sick of it and am growing to think this will never end. Maybe I’ll have to start wearing one of those masks over my mouth that so many Koreans wear to avoid pollution. They look silly but they’re probably not coughing up lungs.

Sometimes I just have a couple of things to say. When the post is short I feel I should be writing more, but if I write more now I would just be padding. I just wanted to mainly mention my singing being insulted. That’s done and I’m outta here.

NO MORE DECLARITIVE STATEMENTS

I haven’t posted since Tuesday. No one has written or called to see if I’m alive. Am I hurt? Not really. Am I surprised? Not really. So why the long absence from posting you may or may not wonder. Here it is. I’m sick. I have bronchitis. Again. I cough and feel lousy. I’ve been to the doctor 3 times. I’m taking medicine and am hoping it’s on it’s way out.

I had an ear infection, my throat was inflamed, and everything hurt. I wanted codeine, but guess what? Your regular doctor in an office can’t prescribe codeine because it’s a narcotic. As this doctor said, it’s like marijuana. So no cough medicine with codeine and Tylenol number 3’s. I’m managing.

This is now the 2nd time in my life I’ve gotten bronchitis. The first time was back in April in Gwangyang and now here in Bucheon. The doctor said there is a lot of pollution here. The only place I didn’t get it was in Paju. When I got it the first time I remember telling people that if I ever get it again in Korea, I’m gone. It’s my signal that it’s time to leave.

I’m not leaving. Why do I make these declarative statements and then not follow through on them? I know that some of them are stupid and I should never make them but it’s almost like I can’t follow a plan. I say spur of the moment things and then change my mind. Sometimes I say things with good intentions, and sometimes I say things out of frustration or anger. So my new declarative statement is that I’m not making any more declarative statements. Makes sense, right? Why should I bother making sense now.

Work goes on. No challenge and no pain. One boy got upset yesterday. He rushes through the book exercises and makes mistakes. I told him to take his time because he knows this stuff. He took it (he’s 10) that I didn’t like him. That’s what he told his mother. It’s kind of funny because I do like this kid. Kyle phoned me because the mother phoned him and I told Kyle the story. I have a few kids I don’t really care for so if they complain I have no problem, but this kid is okay.

School vacation starts the end of the month until March 1st. I will be working 4 classes on 2 days a week at an English Academy that is a new client. The woman who owns it (Sunny) took some English courses in Canada and she wants to offer her students a special class so it will seem like they’re learning outside of Korea. She asked me if I would teach science and math as well as English. I said, “sure”. I’d love to as it’s something different but I wonder if she thinks the level of her students is much higher than it actually is. I hope not because I’d love to do science with young kids. Sunny has a book of experiments that look like fun. I don’t want to get my hopes up though that things will go smoothly.

Friday night I’m coughing away and I’m just about falling asleep at 1AM and the phone rings. It’s Kyle and he asks if he woke me. I told him “almost”. He apologized but he had a problem. He was in a bar with his girlfriend having a drink and they had a fight. She ran away and she had his wallet in her purse. She wouldn’t answer her phone so he was wondering if he could come over and borrow some money. I said sure. I’m happy to help. So I get up and get dressed and wait for him. And wait. And wait. At 2AM I called him and he tells me that he’s too drunk to drive and his brother will come to him. I must admit I was a little annoyed that he didn’t call and tell me this. I didn’t say anything but it’s the first “rude” thing he’s done. The calling for help at 1AM wasn’t rude. Not calling and canceling was rude. However, I won’t hold it against him. Or as Robert says, I won’t hold it against him. Yet.

Saeyoon had plans to have dinner with the people who work in the same building as her on Friday night. She cancelled to come over and see me. That was very sweet of her. I told her not to but she said it’s what she wanted to do. I love when people do small, sweet things for you.

Earlier in the week a friend of Saeyoon’s invited her to go to a concert of traditional Korean music and fusion with Western music. She asked her friend if she could bring me and her friend said sure. It just so happened the concert was at the cultural center here in Bucheon. First Saeyoon went to a friend’s wedding out of town in the afternoon and then came back. It was a 5 hour round trip so that’s a lot to pack into one day. I pick her up at the subway station and she’s not in a happy mood. She had a fight with a friend of hers at the wedding and she had one of her anger fits. She said she was yelling and screaming and almost throwing things. It literally pains me when I hear these things. I want so badly to help but what can I do except strongly recommend getting help?

We went to the concert and it wasn’t bad. Some of the music sounded like elevator music, some sounded like Jewish prayers, and some were just catchy melodies. Saeyoon knew the band leader from being in a musical group with him years ago so she was chatting with him a bit after the show. I asked Saeyoon to tell him that I enjoyed the show and he told her to thank me. Then he interrupted her and told me himself. “Thank you”. There was also another player in the band who from far away looked like a young John Lennon. I told Saeyoon this and she went up and told him. I don’t know who was more embarrassed, him or me.

We weren’t sitting with her friend so we saw her after the show and she was with her family and they were going out for dinner. We weren’t invited. Weird. I was looking forward to meeting a friend of hers where I wasn’t a “secret”. This is a good friend who knows about me. We will go out another time. I’m interested in meeting her friends. I’ve met one of them and he was a nice guy but hard to get to know because of the language barrier. We have no idea if her friend speaks English. After all, why would one Korean know if another speaks English? They don’t speak English to each other.

We went out to eat and I told her that she really needs to do something about her anger. If she doesn’t do something she’s going to end up alone and friendless, and she’s too good and kind a person for that to happen to. I suggested getting professional help or trying a couple of self-help techniques like a stress ball, or writing what angers you instead of yelling in a diary you keep close at hand. These were Robert’s suggestions and something has to work. She feels such remorse afterwards it’s heart-breaking. It’s really terrible to want to help someone and not be able to.

At the restaurant she asked me (politeness) if she could get a bottle of soju. Soju is a Korean alcoholic beverage that is clear and nasty and loved by all Koreans. I think it’s a form of mother’s milk. I told her that of course I didn’t mind and if I said “don’t get it” and I was her, I’d just tell me to drop dead and walk out. So she drank her bottle of soju (one is enough for inebriation) and then she asked if she could get another. I will admit there are times that it would annoy me a bit (although I wouldn’t say don’t do it) but last night I could see it was almost like medicine. Between the soju and my company she was perking up and it was good to see. I have soju in my apartment so I suggested we just come here and she drink here. I bought it to have in the apartment for her. I don’t like it.

She ended up drinking 2 ½ bottles of the stuff. She stayed up longer than I thought she would and then she fell asleep/passed out on the couch. I thought I’d let her sleep for 15 minutes and then get her up to go home. There was no way to get her up. I know she doesn’t like to stay out all night because she lives with her mother and it’s not nice to just not come home. I let her sleep on the couch. I couldn’t get upstairs to the bed where it’s more comfortable. I just made sure she was covered, took off her glasses, and let her sleep. I went upstairs to sleep and I slept so lightly. I was actually worried that she’d get up in the middle of the night and not know where she was and I wanted to be there if there was any confusion. I don’t think I slept for more than 20 minutes at a time, ever alert for any sound. I couldn’t have been any more alert if my own kids were sick. It’s amazing what we’re capable of when we care. Sometimes I know I’m a good person who can do some really bad things, but it’s nice to see that I can be a good person who can do some really kind things.

She got up at 7 and called my name so I went downstairs. All was well and she was fine with what happened except that her mother was going to be angry with her. I couldn’t hold my tongue and gave my opinion which is that she should tell her mother about me, and then if she doesn’t come home at least her mother will know that everything’s okay. I say that from a parent’s point of view. I know as Westerner’s the whole thing sounds childish and weird, but what can I say. It’s a different culture with different ways of thinking. She’s obviously old enough to stay out all night but at the same time her mother should be at ease if she doesn’t come home. It’s a difficult concept for Koreans but I had to put in my viewpoint. I doubt anything will change, but it would be nice. I’m also not crazy about still being a “secret” after all this time. However, it’s not my family and I can’t sit in judgment and I won’t. I’d just be more comfortable if all was in the open.

We just lazed around for a couple of hours and then went to Starbucks and sat and talked for a while. It was very nice for me. There are times when I feel like we’re on the verge of something. There are times I feel we’re climbing a ladder together. Where it goes, I do not know. It’s just a feeling I get. And then sometimes I think we’re just a little off in our connection. It’s difficult when sometimes you’re so sure of what’s what, and other times you think you may be wrong. One of my problems is I need to hear things (as I believe I’ve mentioned before) and just not be happy with what’s happening right in front of me. I’m trying to deal with it and I’m better than I was before.

I have a friend who keeps a blog that no one knows about. He posts to it, but it’s only for his eyes. I don’t know why I can’t do that. I know I do some self-editing sometimes. I worry that sometimes I might upset my kids and I worry sometimes that I might upset Saeyoon. I really don’t understand why I have this need to have this out there for anyone to see. I write mostly for me as it’s a good exercise in helping me to understand what I do. I do this as a form of communication with the outside world. Is there a “too much information” line somewhere? Probably. But I can’t keep different blogs for different people. So I do some minor editing and just hope that no one gets too upset with what I write.

I write these things about Saeyoon because it’s a little of how I feel and this is someone who has become a big part of my life and very important to me. I know when I write it’s mostly the negative things that go on in my life. I vent. It’s important to vent. What you don’t see and I don’t write about is that I really do enjoy being with her. She’s added a lot to my life and I’m a richer person for it. Let me just write so it’s clear, I care very much about her. I don’t know where it will go eventually but at this moment in time, it’s good.

I really fucked up my marriage (another story) but I’ve been very lucky that I’ve met 2 women who have enriched me as a person. It’s ironic that out of such a mess I made, that some positive things have come my way. I don’t pretend to understand myself and I know that I fumble through life at times. But if it is the journey that’s important, and not the destination, then I’ve really been one lucky person.

IT’S FUNNY HOW THE MIND WORKS

It’s really weird where your mind can take you without realizing you’re on a trip. I’m not talking drugs here, just the normal wanderings (maybe normal) of the mind. You’re thinking one thing, it leads to another, and a few tangents later you’re fixated on Country Joe McDonald. How random can you get?

I have no recollection of how my chain of thoughts led here. I do remember thinking I’d have a cup of Oolong tea but that’s about it. So Country Joe pops into my head and I start wondering whatever became of him. Is he still alive? What would we do without the Internet? It’s hard to remember a time before the Internet, but it wasn’t all that long ago.

Well, Country Joe has his own website and he’s still performing. I only know one Country Joe song and he had a link to it from his site. Please watch the clip from the Woodstock Festival. If you’ve never seen it or heard the song, “I Feel Like I’m Fixin’ To Die Rag” then you must. For those among us who see similarities between Viet Nam and Iraq (without the loud protests) it remains current and not in the least dated. A lot of the political and protest stuff from the sixties is almost “camp” today, but this song still has bite and within the witty satire I feel an overwhelming sadness about the realities of today’s world.



I personally have little to no energy. I hope it’s just the after effects of the lingering cold. I didn’t cough nearly as much today but I’ve felt constantly tired and listless. It’s only Tuesday evening and I’m wishing the week were done. It’s not a depression, I just want to stop feeling like I’m dragging a weight around with me.

I survived my two classes today. I get paid for this. I know by North American standards it’s not a lot, but by Korean standards I make a good wage. If the child can speak some decent English, I just talk with them. I end up doing most of the talking but they do sneak a few gems in and I learn something. The middle school girl I had today told me that students are not allowed to have red, yellow, and some other colored backpacks. I asked why and she said the rule was, “no bright colors”. I know about uniforms, I know about hair rules, I know about jewelry rules, but the backpack rules were new to me.

These kids are brainwashed. We got on my favorite topic (teachers hitting students) and my student told me that sometimes it’s justified. Her reasoning was that if you didn’t hit you were just giving warnings. It’s hard to find a student who will say, “it’s wrong and that’s that”. However, every student will say that they do not respect the teacher who hits. It sort of doesn’t mesh. It’s okay to hit and to have no respect? I don’t get into a philosophical discussion on that inconsistency.

I had my first hot chocolate in years today. One mother made me hot chocolate which was very nice. Please understand that I never ask for anything but most of these mothers are wonderful hostesses. One mother asked me (usually she just makes me coffee) if I wanted something to drink. I asked if I could please have some tea. She looked at me in a puzzled way. “Tea? T-e-a”, she spelled out. I said yes, tea. She said coffee? I said no thank you, just tea. She said “green tea” and I said “great, thank you”. (I hate green tea). What’s really weird about this is that this mother speaks English and is an English teacher. I guess tea translates to both the drink of tea, and also means “a hot drink”. I don’t know but it was strange.

As part of tonight’s tribute to black humor, I’m thinking it might not be a good idea to know Saeyoon. First her professor dies at 47. It was liver cancer. She was married and had no children but had had 2 miscarriages. It seems where Saeyoon went on Sunday was to the hospital where she died. That’s where people were gathering. I thought it strange that it wasn’t the house and she told me that traditionally it was the house but it’s changed to where the person died.

Then she calls me this morning to tell me that her uncle needed emergency surgery this morning and she was going to see him in the hospital this evening. After that, she was going to visit with the family of one of her students who had a family member die. That’s a lot of bad news in a short period of time. And what’s the common thread in all this? Why, it’s Saeyoon. Coincidence? I think not. (Okay, lame humor).

I’m not sure what TV show that line is from (Coincidence, I think not) but I was sure Leah made it up. She used to say that as a kid and I didn’t watch the same TV shows as her. I once asked her if she made it up and she said yes. And I bought it. Later the truth was revealed. It might have been Full House and yes, I also wonder how many millions Mary-Kate and Ashley have today. (And I’m not sure which one has anorexia).

I’m now reading “A Very Long Engagement” by Sebastien Japrisot. I never saw the film but I want to. I bought the book because it sounded interesting. I’m quite pleased with it. It’s a French book and I usually have trouble reading translated material. I usually find translations quite stilted but the person who did this book did a wonderful job. I get no feeling whatsoever that it was translated. Of course once I finish the book I’ll really want to see the film. I don’t think I’ll see it on the streets of Seoul so it could be awhile until that happens.

It was 10 months ago today that I left Toronto for Korea. I know I just mentioned that yesterday but it keeps popping into my head. I still don’t know what I’m doing here but I keep hoping the reason will be revealed to me. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t to be a Buddhist (as mentioned by a woman at a Buddhist Temple to me). However, I have a few ideas so we’ll just have to wait and see. And then again, maybe I’m here just because I’m here. There isn’t always a reason for things, is there?

COUGHING

Yuck. I’m sick of it. I thought it would be okay today but by 3PM I was hacking away like a madman. At my analyst’s house (Diana) I could not talk, just cough. The mother brought me in tea after a while. I guess she couldn’t stand to listen to me anymore. My eye’s cleared up and I’m feeling better except for the coughing. I’m still a little run down but many people would say that about me anyway.

I did the kindergarten today and I must say once again that I adore these kids. I hope they adore me because of me and not just because I’m the weird white guy who shows up every week. I don’t feel like a teacher when I’m there, but rather an entertainer. Almost every joke I make gets big laughs. I do six classes, do the same jokes six times, and get six great reactions. I really feel privileged to be in the classroom with these kids. I know it works because it’s short (20 minutes), and I’m energetic when I’m with them. I’m usually not energetic in classes except for short bursts. Here I’m a piece of living energy.

I was pretty exhausted after just 4 of the classes but managed to do all six. This makes up for my screw up last Thursday of getting lost getting there. I’ll be back at the Kindergarten in Incheon this Thursday at 10:20AM so get your tickets early.

I spent 20 minutes with the person who runs the academy where I teach trying to get her to say “finished” properly. Many Koreans pronounce the “ed” ending as a separate and distinct syllable. So she was saying “finish-ED” and I just kept practicing with her. She’s a nice lady but she shouldn’t be teaching English. This school is losing students and they don’t have many to begin with. It sounds to me like it was a bad business plan. There is a big English Academy one building over with only foreign English teachers so I have no idea who would open an academy right next to them.

Hard to believe it’s December. I’ve been in Korea nearly 10 months. If I would have stuck to the Gwangyang job, I’d be done in 2 months. But no, everyone said I should quit. Kelly, I miss you. (I’m lying). Boy, that is one person I do not miss at all. I wonder if she’s still in business.

I’m going to be getting more morning hours starting December 26th. An English Academy is starting a 2 month course for the holidays (because what’s a holiday for kids in Korea without school). I’ll be working a 9 to 12 shift on Tuesdays and Fridays which is fine with me. I really hate working after 4. I hate the traffic which is non-stop. (Sorry, I had to get a few complaints in so everyone would be sure it really is me posting.)

I’ve had 2 cups of Oolong tea tonight. I wonder if my health is improving because of the miraculous power of Oolong tea. Of course, I didn’t get my horrendous cold until after I started drinking Oolong tea, so maybe it’s miraculous power is deceiving.

Okay, it’s obvious I’m reaching here for things to type. I need to find more things to complain about but I must be honest, I do enjoy not complaining. Is life good? It could be much worse. I’m alive, I’m healthy (I think), I have family (somewhere far away), I have others who care for me (yes, there really are people who don’t have to care about me but do), I get to work with some really sweet kids who make me feel good, and I’m still learning new things. It won’t kill me to put a positive spin on things once in a while.

JUST LIKE AMERICA

I went to the drive-thru at the 24-hour McDonalds at dinner time to get dinner. I may as well be in America. Actually, it’s the first 24-hour McDonalds I’ve seen, and it’s the first drive-thru I’ve seen and this is within 5 minutes of where I live. Am I lucky, or what? The excitement of ordering myself at the drive-thru (number six, set, largee) was overwhelming. The brackets translate to a number 6 meal, supersize it. English is truly a universal language. However, I didn’t ask for the diet coke during all the excitement so I got a regular coke. I’m sure the next time I’ll be calmer knowing that I can handle this Korean task.

I skipped my classes on Friday. I felt like crap, could only cough and my eye was bright red. I really didn’t want to infect anyone. Kyle took me to the doctor where the doctor diagnosed me with the common cold (no fool is he) and conjunctivitis (pink eye). Doh! So I got some medicine and eye drops. It’s Sunday night now and my eye is clearing up but I’m still coughing. I’m not near 100% but it’s work tomorrow. I don’t look forward to it.

I’ve been watching quite a few of my DVD’s lately. I’m going to have to buy some more. I’m sure that there is a rental place around here, but I have no idea where one is and neither does Kyle. I would like to find one to rent some recent movies. I haven’t seen anything tempting on the sidewalks of Seoul. I buy a lot of old movies because I love old movies. I buy some movies that Saeyoon has never seen thinking we’ll watch them together. So far the only movie we’ve seen together is “Shane”.

She came over yesterday and we went out for lunch at a Vietnamese noodle place. I had noodles and chicken in this soup and it really wasn’t bad. It went down easily and the price was right. She paid. We then just hung out here until she had to go to choir practice. This church is crazy in my opinion. (But then again what church isn’t crazy?) They have practice from 5PM to 7PM on Saturday nights. This is in preparation for Christmas but couldn’t they think up a more inconvenient time? I’ve taken her before and then go and wait and read in a nearby coffee shop. This time she took the subway so I could stay in with my illness. When she was done she came back to hang out. It was good to spend the time together. And when she first arrived she brought me tissues. That’s a good gift for someone with a cold.

She has a wedding to go to next Saturday. I asked her what time and she said that she doesn’t know yet. I’m not 100% sure if she meant what she said, or she just forgot. But I wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t know yet. Koreans are not great at fixed times. It’s in the afternoon and I think we are going to a concert with a friend of hers. I like meeting her friends. I haven’t really connected with any of them, but if I meet enough then I’m sure they’ll be a few hits.

I have to work next Saturday morning to make up most of the classes I missed on Friday. That’s fair and I don’t have a problem with that. Knowing I can do that takes away my guilt that I’d have if there was no income with me being sick. I’d probably take tomorrow off in a real job but I’ll tough it out. I can only handle so much make up time.

A professor Saeyoon had at University died and she went with classmates somewhere today (maybe the professors house) and was gone all day. The professor was just 47. That’s just too young. I haven’t talked by voice with her today so I don’t know what the cause was, but it must be upsetting for so many people. She might have living parents and living children. Obviously she had a boatload of students who cared about her. She was younger than me. It’s just too young.

I went to the movies today by myself. Two movies in two weeks. I saw, “The Departed”, the new Martin Scorcese film with Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Jack Nicholson, Martin Sheen and Mark Wahlberg. It was 2 ½ hours long and it flew by. It’s a remake of a Hong Kong film about cops and bad guys and it was engrossing, somewhat violent, had great dialogue, and had great acting. Rarely do actors make the jump from outstanding child actor to outstanding adult actor, but Leonardo DiCaprio has succeeded. He was marvelous. Matt Damon was great playing a bad guy because he’s so clean cut and just looks the good guy part. Jack Nicholson chewed scenery but was entertaining nonetheless being Jack Nicholson. I thought Mark Wahlberg, in a relatively small part was terrific. He stole every scene he was in. It’s hard to believe this is the guy who used to be “Marky Mark” with his pants hanging half way down his butt. He is a fine actor who can always be counted on for a good performance. I loved it and I’m recommending this one too (like last week’s Casino Royale). And because I went at noon it was only about $4 so it was great bang for the buck.

Haven’t fought or broken up with Saeyoon this week so that’s good. Actually I can feel things stabilizing in a good way. We’re both learning more about each other and understanding more. We’re both changing naturally so that we fit together very well. We really do communicate well. We can talk easily to each other, and can also just be together and not talk. Dead air does not have to be filled. I’m starting to feel that I’m part of a “couple” and I’m quite comfortable with that. I’m still very lonely because I am alone most of the time and I do hate saying good night and driving her home. (Being alone is good when it's a choice). However, things are progressing nicely and there just may be a future, and a good one at that.